[The following Interview was taped in front of a Live Studio Audience]
Lemmy: All right, who's the wise guy that blew our budget for the Interviews again?
Blue: That would probably be you.
Lemmy: Oh... Right...
(Blue takes out a remote and presses the "laughter" button, which causes an audience effect of people laughing.)
Lemmy: ... What is that?
Blue: This? Well, I found this on a table somewhere. It's used for laugh tracks and for audience effects. It's also used for TV shows, usually when there isn't a live studio audience and they replace it with a fake audience.
Lemmy: I see... Looks like TV is still shoving fake laughter down our throats.
Blue: I guess the damage from the last Interview cut right into our budget, like stated earlier. Repairs are still being made.
Lemmy: Still? That was last year.
Blue: What?
Lemmy: Hmm?
Blue: And I take it that's also the reason why the audience is filled with cardboard cutouts. And the fact that we don't even have an actual audience.
Lemmy: Huh... So that's why the Koopa chick didn't speak back to me... Ahh, madness.
Blue: Madness!
Lemmy: You'd think I'd put more effort into putting more money into the interview budget... (Stops to think) ... Nah.
Blue: We also need someone to interview.
Lemmy: Why, where's that other Yoshi?
Blue: No clue, does it really matter?
Lemmy: Kind of, actually. Who's going to interview then?
Blue: Well, we could just pick the interviewer randomly by choosing the first one who opens the front doors.
Lemmy: Fair enough.
(The door opens to reveal...)
Waluigi: Waluigi!
Blue: No.
(The door opens again to reveal...)
The Freak: Heeey you groovy cats!
(Blue presses the "cheering" button, which causes an audience effect of clapping and cheering.)
The Freak: What's crack-a-lackin' you crazy cats?
(Blue presses the same button again.)
Lemmy: ... What was that?
The Freak: That's my new catchphrase! Isn't it just groovy?
Lemmy: I've heard better catchphrases from the Smackdown Cat on the forum!
(Blue presses the "Ooooooh" button.)
Lemmy: Well, Freak, have you had any experience interviewing?
The Freak: Interviewing? Man! What is wrong with you?! Don't you know that involves... Work? It's ungroovy! It's what squares do!
Lemmy: Squares? ... Never mind. Just give it a try at least. And besides, wacky things happen. It's fun... Sort of.
The Freak: Well... All right... I'll give it a try! Who am I interviewing?
Morton: Hello! Bonjour! Hey! Hi! Konichiwa! G'day! Howdy! Salutations! Greetings! Aloha!
The Freak: Dude! Dig this crazy turtle! I think I'm going to enjoy this after all!
Lemmy: Stupid hippie... I think he actually means it!
(Blue presses the "laughter" button.)
Lemmy: That's not funny, I'm being serious!
(Blue presses the same button again.)
The Freak: Check it out! This guy has three strands of hair! What's up with that?
Morton: I was born with three strands of hair... Well technically I was bald when I was born, but then I only grew three strands of hair. I could pretty much say I'm bald, but I'm lucky to have something instead of being bald like Roy, or hiding it like Wendy.
The Freak: Why don't you just shave it off? Baldness is really groovy! Well, depending on who it is.
Morton: What? Never! I'm proud of having my only three strands of hair! Sometimes I like to think of it as one of those things, that when the wind blows, it points to the direction that it's blowing in!
The Freak: I've heard rumors that you’re quite a chatty cat. Why do you talk so much for a turtle?
Morton: Talking is one of the only good things I can do well. For you see, speeches and oral exams and whatnot, I'm perfect in. I'm like a charismatic person! ... Or in this case, reptile. But once in awhile I can't stop. Sometimes I talk for attention, but no one listens. I just go on and on for a while, and sometimes I randomly go onto another topic. Look, potatoes!
The Freak: (Looks around) Where?!
Morton: Oh... There are none.
The Freak: Aw ma-aaaan! I thought there were potatoes around.
(Blue presses the laughter button again.)
Lemmy: Seriously, that's not even close to funny.
The Freak: You should have a nickname, like "Big Mouth" or something.
Morton: Actually I did! Back in the Mario Cartoons, I was given the name Big Mouth, instead of referring me to Morton. Something to do with me talking a lot.
The Freak: I think I've actually seen you somewhere else before... You were probably in, like... what, one game?
Morton: How dare you?! I've been in more then one game! I've been in games such as Super Mario Bros. 3 and Super Mario World. Also, the forgotten Mario is Missing.
The Freak: Mario is Missing?! I hope someone finds him!
(Blue presses the laughter button.)
Morton: No you idiot, Mario was found in the game.
The Freak: You mean Mario was playing hide and seek?
Morton: No! Mario was kidnapped by us!
The Freak: You kidnapped Mario?!
Morton: Why do I bother... It was a game in which Luigi was the hero and had to find Mario.
The Freak: Why did you guys kidnap Mario and give Luigi his own game?
Morton: We didn't actually think Luigi would appear and try to save Mario. We kinda thought Yoshi or even Peach would try to rescue him. But nope, Luigi came, got his own game, and years later got Luigi's Mansion.
The Freak: Whoa man, I'm beginning to think that you’re evil! That's totally not cool, man! Don't hurt me!
(Blue presses the laughter button, followed by the "clapping" button, causing an audience effect of clapping with died-down laughter.)
Morton: We're not evil! Or at least I don't think we are.
The Freak: Then why does Bowser have his children doing most of his dirty work?
Morton: I know! Isn't that the stupidest thing ever? Well, us Koopalings are pretty much told to go out, stop the Mario Bros, and try to beat them. It doesn't work out that way, since we always get bet up. King Dad said that he wants us to have experience in beating up the Mario Bros...
The Freak: It doesn't look like you do a good job.
(Blue presses the "Ooooooh" button again, causing an audience effect of people all saying "Oooooooh".)
Morton: Was I just told?
Lemmy: I think you were.
Morton: Stupid hippie.
The Freak: In Mario Bros. 3, you were set in the desert. Like, who wants to be in the desert where it's hot?
Morton: I've had a resistance to warm weather and heat. With that being said, I didn't mind being stationed in Desert Land, where I could easy build a tan.
The Freak: How long did that take you?
Morton: Not too long, seeing how the desert is HOT.
The Freak: Could have fooled me!
(Blue presses the laughter button.)
Morton: Since I totally know you meant that, I'll let that go. Anyway, it all started by me getting sunburnt one day, and that was no fun. I ended up staying home, while themy siblings continued to be defeated by the Mario Bros. In the end, I began to love being tanned, and spent more time in the sun.
The Freak: And now it's time to go to a commercial!
Lemmy: Uh... We don't have commercials.
The Freak: Sure we do!
---
Jerry Springer: Hi I'm Jerry Springer!
Audience: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Jerry: You may know me from my show, Jerry Springer! Which is totally not for children!
Audience: (Cheers)
Jerry: Next time on my show, we visit the Mushroom Kingdom to see the problems of the residents! Our main show goes through the love triangle between Mario, Princess Peach, and Bowser, to see what in the world is going on! Who loves who? Who hates who? We find out the answers, and a whooooole lot more, on my show! Don't miss it!
Audience: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
[The following studio was taped in front of an actual Live Studio Audience]
---
(Blue presses the "Applause" button, causing the audience effect for clapping.)
The Freak: Welcome back, brothers and sisters, to the exciting conclusion of our groovy Interview!
Lemmy: I hope you know that the audience isn't real.
Morton: Really? I didn't take notice that NO ONE WAS MOVING.
The Freak: So to continue on from our last question, in New Super Mario Bros. Wii, how come you went into the mountains instead of going to the desert?
Morton: Roy wanted to get it over with. He muttered something about how Mario was going to beat us all and rescue Peach anyway. I never really understood. So then I appeared later in the game, which oddly we always have some sort of pattern of appearing in.
The Freak: Speaking of patterns, what about your eating pattern, man? I think that you’re kinda laying on the pounds!
(Blue presses the "Ooooooh" button.)
Morton: How dare you, again?! Are you implying that I am fat?! I am most certainly not fat! I'm just big-boned, that's all! It's not my fault that there's something usually good and chocolaty in the fridge, that looks like a cake, or fudge... or cookies! But sometimes this comes to an advantage.
The Freak: Being fat? Man, how in the nark can you have an advantage from that?
Morton: In some games, such as Super Mario World and Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga, I was able to cause shocks or even quakes, either causing the Marios damage or stunning them for a short amount of time. I may not be the fastest, but I can make up for it by sending long-ranged attacks.
The Freak: That's actually kind of groovy once you think about it, man! But I couldn't become fat, I'd have to eat meat... Blech!
Morton: What's wrong with you?
The Freak: I'm a vegetarian, man! Hippies don't believe in meat! We don't even believe in fighting!
Morton: I could never become a vegan! No way, never, nuh-uh! Well actually, I tried to once, but then I got sick from not eating meat, as my body wasn't used to having so many veggies. I probably should have weaned off first, but there's no way I'd try it again.
The Freak: So other then getting tanned or trying to beat that square Mario, what else do you evil Koopa things do for fun?
Morton: Other then perfecting my writing for a bestseller, I enjoy bathing in my personal sauna in King Dad's castle, or even going online to check out things on Twitter and Facebook.
The Freak: T-wit-er? F-ace-booke? What are those things, man? Sounds scary!
Morton: You know, you can go on the Internet and talk to people across the world, and even go on social networking sites.
The Freak: What? You can do that stuff?! Outofsight, man! Rock on!
Morton: (Sighs)
(Blue presses the laughter button.)
The Freak: Well I can't think of any more questions.
Lemmy: Thank god...
The Freak: So let’s ask the audience for more gnarly questions!
Lemmy: Um...
The Freak: Seat 311!
Cardboard Goomba: ...
The Freak: Don't be shy! Ask whatever you want, man!
Cardboard Goomba: ...
(Blue presses a button with a cricket, causing chirping noises.)
Lemmy: Freak, they're made out of cardboard.
The Freak: Nah! He's just shy, that's all. Over there, in seat 103!
Cardboard Hammer Bro: ...
The Freak: Awesome question, man!
Lemmy: What?! You mean you actually got a question from cardboard?
The Freak: Yeah! He asked what the deal is with the star on his eye!
Morton: It's a birthmark.
The Freak: That's all?
Morton: Pretty much, yeah.
The Freak: Groovy... I think. Hey, that crazy cat in seat 44!
Cardboard Bob-omb: ...
The Freak: I totally agree!
Lemmy: Ok, now you’re just being stupid.
The Freak: No! Didn't you hear? This groovy cat just asked who's the most tolerable sibling in your family?
Morton: I can't stand any of them! And this is coming from ME, the one who talks a lot!
The Freak: Hey, that creepy dude over there has a question!
Cardboard Luigi: ...
The Freak: You know, I never thought about that! What's your favorite food?
Morton: Didn't I hint earlier that I liked things chocolaty?
The Freak: I can't remember that, man! Remembering is for squares. How about that thing over there, seat 81!
Cardboard Shy Guy: ...
The Freak: Right on, man! That brother over there just asked, why don't you go out on your own, and stick it to the man, man!
Morton: I don't quite follow your gibberish.
The Freak: You know, the man? King Koopa? The nark that tells you what to do? Big freakishly large turtle, breathes fire like a fire hydrant?
Morton: I'm well aware of who my father is, thank you. I've tried several times to go out on my own. However, it always ends up in failure, and I have no other choice but to return to the castle.
The Freak: If that big old Bowser was here, I'd tell that ungroovy square a thing or two.
Morton: I thought hippies were pacifists.
The Freak: Oh... right.
Morton: Lemmy, are we done yet?
Lemmy: Yes.
Morton: Thank god, well-
The Freak: Wait, there's one more question!
Lemmy: Great...
The Freak: Do you have a catchphrase?
Morton: A what?
The Freak: You know, a catchphrase? Or a groovy gag?
Morton: I have no need for a catchphrase! Those are things just to make a character stay interesting.
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Morton: Like that, for example.
The Freak: So... That's a no, right?
Morton: (Sighs) I'm done.
(Morton walks out of the studio, and sees Flavio still being chased in wacky fashion.)
Lemmy: Well I'm glad that's over with.
Blue: Say, I wonder which this one does...
(Blue presses another button, which causes the entire audience to chanting.)
Audience: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
The Freak: Right on. brothers and sisters! It's time to start the revolution!
Lemmy: Wonderful...
Blue: All right, not the best one. Maybe this one will be better.
(Blue presses another button, causing comical music to play. Flavio and the rest of the people chasing him enter the building, in wacky fashion.)
Lemmy: Any more wonderful picks?
Blue: Ok, one more... How about this o-
End Transmission...
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