Conrad: Welcome to Lemmy's Interview Show! My guest today is Nastasia!
Nastasia: Hello. Ummm... Are you really the interviewer?
Conrad: Of course! How are you?!
Nastasia: Fine, thank you. Now, are you really a baby?
Conrad: I'm the interviewer! First question, why were you working for Count Bleck?
Nastasia: That was the second question.
Conrad: What?
Nastasia: Your first question was "how are you", k.
Conrad: Just answer me!
Nastasia: He saved my life and I was repaying the favor, K.
Conrad: When and how did he do this?
Nastasia: Just after killing his tribe. As he went between the dimensions, he came to mine. There, he found me trapped and let me out, so I owed him.
Conrad: Got it. Where are you from?
Nastasia: I'm from Flopside.
Conrad: Can everyone there hypnotize people?
Nastasia: No. I can because, um...
Conrad: Go on.
Nastasia: SUGGESTION! Next question, k.
Conrad: Do you really think you can hypnotize a genius?
Nastasia: Umm...
Conrad: Now answer me.
Nastasia: K. Well, I first went to law school, graduated, and then got bored because there was really no crime in Flopside. Then I, um, went to archeology school and found the ruins of some ancient civilization that people are still too lazy to name.
Conrad: Is this the part where you tell us you got your powers from some magical artifact?
Nastasia: No. The ancient guard monster, a giant Swooper, chased me out. But before I could escape, it cast a curse on me. I was then transformed into a bat. If I ever, um, find that Swooper…
Conrad: Is that why Bleck's army didn't have any Swoopers in it?
Nastasia: That's what you got out of that? But yes.
Conrad: What happened after you were transformed into a bat?!
Nastasia: I wandered around alone until I eventually got caught in a trap set for the bats that infested the area. Count Bleck happened upon me and let me go. I guess that the curse, umm, wore off then, or there was some other way for it to be reversed. But then I was myself again, k. Afterwards, I had a mental breakdown from being a bat for years. So the Count, umm, briefly institutionalized me. Then when I was better, I aided him in his search for Timpani.
Conrad: What does that have to do with your powers?
Nastasia: While I was institutionalized, I met a, um, crazy man who claimed to know the secret of mind control. He taught me before I got out, k.
Conrad: How was he still in there if he could hypnotize people?
Nastasia: He was crazy and thought that it only worked on carrots.
Conrad: 0_0
Nastasia: Should I leave now?
Conrad: No. Audience questions! Seat ALSOBETTERTHANCONRAD! Oh come on!
Red Goomba: How do you hypnotize people?
Nastasia: It involves a hidden strobe light, an idiotic victim like most of Flopside and Bowser's army, and ancient mental techniques that I refuse to tell you or someone in the audience might figure it out.
Conrad: Did you say strobe light?
Nastasia: Please just don't ask about that.
Conrad: I won't. Seat CRAZYCLOWN!
Dimentio: Why didn't my attack kill you?
Nastasia: You're actually really weak, I just got hit in the temple.
(Pyro Guy runs onstage.)
Pyro Guy: Okay everyone, the fight’s starting!
Conrad/Nastasia: What?
Pyro Guy: Huff n' Puff and Groove Guy are having a cage match out back and- ARGH!
(The three of them are trampled by the audience.)
Nastasia: The pain.
Conrad: End, ow, Transmission.
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