(The scene starts backstage. Kerry seems to be working very hard. She looks like she is writing stuff on some slips of paper and tossing them in a can.)
Lemmy: Kerry, you should relax. You’re working as hard as you were yesterday in the Update Center! Anyway, what are you doing?
Kerry: I’m making Interviewee Slips. Every time before I do an interview, I will pull a slip out of the can and whoever’s name is on there is who I will interview.
Lemmy: But won’t the slips eventually run out?
Kerry: Not likely. If I forgot any characters, or new characters come out, I will add new slips.
Lemmy: Come on Kerry, lots of characters seem to like yesterday’s interview and are requesting another! Look, they’re gathering into the auditorium!
Kerry: But there’s no one to interview!
Lemmy: Kerry, who are you staring at?
Kerry: I always stared at you when we were in Koopergarten, so what are you talking about?!
Lemmy: I meant, your interviewee is standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.
Kerry: Oh, I haven’t interviewed you yet! Let’s go onstage no—
(At this moment Ludwig runs in through the backstage door.)
Ludwig: (panting) Am I late?
Kerry: No, you’re just in time. Where’s your invention?
Ludwig: I have it, it’s in my shell. It’s pretty small.
Kerry: Why would you keep things in your shell?
Ludwig: Where else will we keep them if we don’t have pockets?
Lemmy: It’s time. Let’s go out.
Onstage…
Lemmy: Welcome to…
Audience: Lemmy’s Interview Show!
Lemmy: Today’s interview will feature the tourist Kerry Koopa as the interviewer, and yours truly as the interviewee!
Goomba: Who is Yours Truly? Is he a Goomba? A Koopa? A Piranha Plant?
Lemmy: When I said yours truly I meant ME!
Goomba: Oh.
Kerry: Okay, first ques—
Morton: WEDDING CAKE!
Kerry: (still facing Lemmy) I don’t have to look, Morton. I know what you’re doing. You don’t think I heard your catchphrase like, a million times?
Morton: You don’t know what I’m doing, up to, meddling with—
Kerry: Yes I do.
Morton: No you don’t.
Kerry: Yes I do.
Morton: Just LOOK, see, observe, view—
(Kerry turns around and sees Morton, who is, instead of sitting in a seat, standing at a table filled with wedding cakes while wearing a chef’s hat and apron.
Kerry: (giggling) You look ridiculous in that outfit. What are you doing, anyway?
Morton: I’m selling wedding cakes!
Kerry: Yeah, like anyone would buy them.
Morton: Everyone loves, prefers, craves wedding cake and I’m completely sure that someone will buy, purchase, exchange coins for these delicious, sweet, scrumptious cakes of mine!
Kerry: Yeah, I get it. Can we get back to the interview now?
Morton: Okay, fine, sure, yes, absolutely—
(Roy, who is sitting right next to Morton, duct tapes his mouth. Morton, seeing that he is unable to speak, writes up a sign: WEDDING CAKES, 100 COINS EACH.)
Kerry: Lemmy, first question: With your clownish look, ball-riding abilities, and funny personality, have you ever tried to join the circus?
Lemmy: Sure I have! (pretending to be the ringmaster) “In the center ring, is Lemmy Koopa, the fun-loving Koopaling, doing gymnastic tricks on his ball!”
Kerry: I guess it’s right that you have such a good sense of humor. Next question: Since when have you been standing on your ball?
Lemmy: Ever since I was a newborn. As King Dad told me, I fell onto a ball when I was born.
Kerry: So you’ve basically been practicing all your life?
Lemmy: Exactly!
Kerry: Having known you since Koopergarten, I don’t have many questions for you. I hope the audience will have some more questions. Now, Ludwig’s Invention Showing!
Ludwig: This—
(Ludwig reaches into his shell and pulls out his invention.)
Ludwig:—is the Koopmunicator!
Goomba: Is a Koopmunicator another name for an iPhone?
Ludwig: No, you dumb Goomba! This is an invention. Did I invent the iPhone? No. Anyway, this is basically a phone, although it is more amazing! Not only can it call people using radio waves…
(Ten seconds later Mario’s cell phone rings.)
Ludwig: …it can also—
Mario: (who is sitting in the back row) Hello? Is this Peach? Do you want to have a date? There will be cheesecake!
Ludwig: (into the Koopmunicator) NO, YOU PERSON DUMBER THAN THAT GOOMBA I JUST TALKED TO!
(Ludwig hangs up. Mario cries so loudly that those who are onstage can hear it anyway.)
Ludwig: (ignoring Mario’s wailing) Anyway, it can also read fortunes…
(Ludwig points it at the audience for everyone to see the words printed on the phone: YOU WILL HAVE A GOOD DAY, although only the front row can see it.)
Ludwig: …project its contents onto a screen…
(Ludwig pulls a screen down and points the phone at it. Now everybody can see the fortune.)
Ludwig: …play TV shows…
(The image on the canvas screen changes to a clip of the Super Mario Bros. Super Show.)
Ludwig: …and light a fire.
(Ludwig makes a campfire on the stage and half the audience gasps.)
Ludwig (after running backstage, getting the hose, and extinguishing the fire): It can also do more than what I showed you! If you want one, please fill out an order form and mail it to me. Thank you.
Kerry: And now, audience questions! Seat GOKOOPAS!
Kooper: What made you come to love ice?
Lemmy: When I was born, the thermostat in Castle Koopa was broken. King Dad and Queen Mom took about a week to fix it. In that short time, I became accustomed to the cold and ice.
Kerry: Seat YOYOLOLLIPOP!
Yoshi: Why did Lemmy’s room in Superstar Saga have lava if Lemmy like ice so much?
Lemmy: I think King Dad was losing his mind that day, because he assigned me to it!
Kerry: Apparently Cackletta does not know much about the Koopalings.
Lemmy: (shuddering) C-C-Cackletta was p-p-pretending to be K-K-King Dad?
Kerry: Actually, she possessed him.
(Lemmy screams.)
Kerry: The aisle next to the seat Roy is sitting in… I can’t read the seat name.
(Morton, still unable to speak, scribbles something on a piece of paper and holds it up.)
Written on the sign is: What made you get the idea for this Land?
Lemmy: It’s hard to believe, but when I was very little, I was a bit of a loner. I dreamed of having my own land. I decided to build it around fun, which I have always loved.
Kerry: It’s Lucky Fortune Roulette Time! Spin the wheel, Lemmy!
(Lemmy spins the wheel and lifts the flap.)
Kerry: It says…a mini bouncy ball!
(Lemmy takes the ball, which is about as big as his hand, out of the flap and bounces it a few times on the ground.)
Lemmy: Wow. Even though I can’t stand on it, look how high it can bounce!
(Lemmy does a “pushing” bounce and the ball bounces on the ground, then the ceiling, then the ground again before Lemmy catches it.
Lemmy: I’m going to have a lot of fun with it. Now end—
(Lemmy and Kerry can hear a huge wail.)
Lemmy: Mario, seriously, what’s wrong?
Mario: (between sobs) P-P-Peach… DUMPED ME!!!
Lemmy: Oh, that’s too bad. End transmission.
(Note: This one is for the audience.)
(As Kerry and Lemmy walk backstage can could hear Ludwig giggling.)
Ludwig: I think that was my best half-intentional trick I played ever.
Kerry: So you called Mario and “dumped him”.
Ludwig: He deserved it.
Kerry: Excuse me. I gotta work on this thing right here.
(Kerry goes back to working on her Interviewee Slips while Lemmy and Ludwig laugh. Since she can’t help it, she laughs along while she works.)
This time, end transmission for the reader.
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