Kingfin: Could you pass marshmallows?
(1-up Boo, Vim, Void, and Kingfin are sitting around a campfire. It is dead darkness outside.)
Void: Here you go.
1-up Boo: Well gang, we’ve been through much together, haven’t we!
Vim: Unfortunately.
1-up Boo: But, times will be different from now on!
Kingfin: We can get cookies?
1-up Boo: Maybe, Kingfin, just maybe.
Kingfin: Woot.
1-up Boo: Now, being that we are in the middle of some forest area, in dead darkness, a demon is bound to attack us, but we can be strong! We will triumph! We will do what we do best!
Vim: Fail?
1-up Boo: Close! Wait… NO! We… will… INTERVIEW!
Vim: Yeah, that’s failing all right.
1-up Boo: Pfft, you just got to be more positive, Vim. Like me.
(Lightning strikes in the background…)
Void: (looking up) I hope that wasn’t a sign of-
(It randomly starts pouring rain; the fire goes out immediately.)
Vim: … Why… WHY?!
1-up Boo: I don’t know, why?
Vim: Urrrrgh… And we don’t have a tent… or ANY shelter for that manner.
Kingfin: Bright side is-
(Thunder crackle heard…)
Kingfin: … We’ll get cookies!
Vim: … Do we even have food?
Void: Eh, do any of us even need to eat that much?
Kingfin: COOKIES! I need to eat cookies.
1-up Boo: Okay, Kingfin, we get it. You like cookies.
Kingfin: Yup.
1-up Boo: But like I said, we’ll pull through, just like we always have…
(Crickets…)
1-up Boo: … So, any ideas?
Vim: How about, we don’t just sit here in the rain?
(Thunder crackle...)
1-up Boo: Yeah, smart. Let’s go. But remember, I’ve seen this in a movie before, demons will come from the darkness! Keep your eyes open!
Vim: What movie?
1-up Boo: Our past Interviews.
Vim: What-
1-up Boo: ONWARD!
(They begin walking/floating/Kingfin’s way of moving in the rain… It is very cold out, so very cold. Things look bad, I don’t know if they’ll make it!)
1-up Boo: You’re not helping.
(Sorry.)
Kingfin: It quiet.
(Loud thunder crackle.)
Kingfin: Oh wait, never mind.
(A stick crack is heard, Void quickly launches a dark blast into the forest where he heard it…)
Void: Er.
(KABOOM!)
1-up Boo: Hrm…
Void: Ah. Sorry.
Vim: You probably killed something totally innocent.
1-up Boo: Nah, this is the plot device.
Vim: The what…?
1-up Boo: Plot device! Get the camera, oh god!
(Kingfin burps out a camera.)
Vim: Is that thing even waterproof?
(It explodes.)
1-up Boo: ‘Course it is.
???: DIE, INVADERS!
1-up Boo: Who-
(A Fuzzy latches onto 1-up Boo and attempts to suck life force… or, wait… whatever they leach. Blood, maybe? That’d be weird.)
1-up Boo: Either way, I don’t have blood or Life force. At least I don’t think I do… NOW GET OFF ME!
Fuzzy: YOU WILL SUFFER!
1-up Boo: Agh! Crazed mutant creatures! That’s worse than demons!
(Void launches a blast at the Fuzzy… blowing up 1-up Boo in the process…)
1-up Boo: NARGH…
Void: Whoops…
Fuzzy: (getting back up) RESISTENCE IS FUTILE!
(He jumps and attempts to latch back onto 1-up Boo, who dodges this time.)
1-up Boo: First of all, Void, watch it.
Void: Yeah… sorry.
Vim: This guy is interesting.
Fuzzy: THIS IS SPARTA!
(He jumps at Void but he blasts him away…)
Fuzzy: AGH!
1-up Boo: Well, get a water-resistant camera somehow, Kingfin. We got an Interview to do.
Vim: Oh no…
Kingfin: K.
(Kingfin goes off to find one…)
1-up Boo: Yo Fuzz brain, you like Interviews?!
Fuzzy: INTERVIEWS?!
1-up Boo: YES, INTERVIEWS!
Fuzzy: INTERVIEWS?!?!
1-up Boo: YES! STOP YELLING!
Fuzzy: I do like Interviews. Begin!
Vim: … Do we have to start our Interviews randomly EVERY SINGLE time?!
1-up Boo: Why of course! It’d be boring otherwise!
Vim: That’s an insult to other people.
1-up Boo: Oh well, Question number one! What exactly do you suck out of your opponent? Life force, blood…?
Fuzzy: Life force!
1-up Boo: … Any specifics to what life force IS?
Vim: Gee, because that isn’t totally obvious!
1-up Boo: We must answer everything, Vim!
Vim: Sure…
Fuzzy: I’m not sure… Their energy! Their “health”! Mario’s health! YOUR HEALTH!
1-up Boo: … What?
Fuzzy: SPARTA!
1-up Boo: ... I like this guy, he’s silly. I’ll just go with life force being your “health” to summarize it.
Fuzzy: KAY!
1-up Boo: What-
???: Got camera!
(Everyone looks at Kingfin to see he got the camera. He places it down and begins filming.)
1-up Boo: Good job, Kingfin. WELCOME! This is 1-up Boo’s Interviews! We’re interviewing a Fuzzy! So you may want to turn down the volume! ‘Cause this guy is-
Fuzzy: RAWR!
1-up Boo: … Right. Anyways!
Fuzzy: SPARTA!
Void: Why do you say that?
Fuzzy: It’s fun.
1-up Boo: Good logic; now, to continue. Where do Fuzzies usually live?
Fuzzy: Forests and jungles, or just green areas that have lots of water. We like humid places, or Sparta. Sparta would be nice. SPARTA!
1-up Boo: Okaaaay… Explain how you guys clone.
Fuzzy: Eh?
1-up Boo: Clone. You know, the way the green Fuzzies do it?
Fuzzy: Genetic manipulation!
1-up Boo: … WHAT?
Kingfin: Big words hurt brain.
Vim: You don’t have a brain.
Kingfin: Big words hurt.
Fuzzy: Okay, it’s not really genetic manipulation. Well, we kind of clone the same way cells do, except much bigger, faster, and cooler!
1-up Boo: Why don’t you do it?
Fuzzy: I’m a Black Fuzzy, you FOOL!
1-up Boo: You’re the fool!
Fuzzy: SPA-
1-up Boo: NO! Vim hates Sparta, stop saying it!
Fuzzy: RAWR!
Vim: … I hate you.
1-up Boo: You’re welcome.
(The Fuzzy lunges at Vim but he swats him back.)
Void: Look, Fuzzy, it’s okay. Just think how you’ll be famous when this is done.
Fuzzy: FAMOUS?! CONTINUE THEN, FOOLS! MEORK!
1-up Boo: Okay, we do need to pick this up. But I’m watching you, Vim!
Vim: Noted.
1-up Boo: Name all the different kinds of Fuzzies.
Fuzzy: Fuzzy, Green Fuzzy, Forest Fussy, Flower Fuzzy, and Jungle Fuzzies… and there’s also the Gold Fuzzy.
Void: What made that Gold Fuzzy so special?
Fuzzy: MEORK! Why, they’re near extinction! Long ago native Toads and other species hunted them for their fabulous fur! Now, there are so few left, they were generally alphas of Fuzzy packs. But being there’s so few left, we’ve had to adapt.
1-up Boo: Well that stinks.
Fuzzy: Indeed! MEORK!
1-up Boo: And of course, we need to question the “MEORK!”
Fuzzy: What about it?!
1-up Boo: Why do you say that?
Fuzzy: Why do you make your ghost sounds?! PUNK!
1-up Boo: Because they’re COOL!
Vim: No. They aren’t.
1-up Boo: Figures you’d say that!
Vim: Yup.
Void: Just tell us why you make the sound.
Fuzzy: Fine, it’s our natural sound! When we charge into battle we generally make that sound! MEORK!
(The Fuzzy jumps at Void but he swats him away.)
Fuzzy: Urgh…
Vim: … You guys probably aren’t the stealthiest creatures…
Fuzzy: I snuck up on you fools, didn’t I?
Vim: You said “DIE INVADERS!”
Fuzzy: I still caught you by surprise!
1-up Boo: No, I knew the plot would kick in!
Fuzzy: Your FACE is the plot!
1-up Boo: … Hurtful. WAY hurtful. Now, how do Fuzzies suck out the life force?
Fuzzy: The teeth are just for latching onto our prey! That’s the only thing that causes real pain! We have special pincer-like suckers that we use to, well… DESTROY YOUR PATHETIC LIVES!
1-up Boo: Someone is crazy.
Fuzzy: SP-
1-up Boo: Don’t say it.
Vim: See? You’re the one who hates Sparta.
1-up Boo: I-
Void: AHEM!
1-up Boo: … Yeah, Vim, shut up.
Vim: Hmph.
1-up Boo: So… is the life force of others the way you guys, well, feed?
Fuzzy: Mostly, yes! Though we do like some fruits as well. APPLES!
1-up Boo: Mhm’k…
Kingfin: You should try cookies!
Fuzzy: GOOD IDEA!
1-up Boo: Right. Sure. So, the Flower Fuzzies. Explain.
Fuzzy: Explain what?
1-up Boo: The “Flower force” they suck out! Because I’m pretty sure everyone doesn’t have Flower force! Or DO WE?!
Void: Let’s hope not.
Fuzzy: If they have any “magic” power, they suck that out! Or maybe it’s just some “special life force” only certain species have! They are rarer than other Fuzzies excluding gold ones. So it’s possible that they have a smaller diet available to them, that smaller diet being the fewer people that have that special kind of “life force”.
Vim: Does that make any sense?
1-up Boo: Shut it. If it isn’t Magikoopas then it’s fine with me.
Kingfin: Magikoopas do too much.
1-up Boo: Indeed! Now, by the way, that “fuzz” is fur, like you said earlier, isn’t it?
Fuzzy: Yes. It’s just a very… “different” kind of fur. Much more rough and spiky than most.
1-up Boo: … AUDIENCE QUESTIONS!
(Crickets…)
1-up Boo: … I swear crickets are following us everywhere…
Vim: Don’t think you can force audience questions this time.
1-up Boo: We can’t skip them two Interviews in a row; get your facts straight, Vim!
Vim: ... But where-
1-up Boo: Don’t you have some tribe?
Fuzzy: YES! TRIBE! I SUMMON YOU!!!
(About a minute later, 8 Fuzzies bounce out of the trees.)
1-up Boo: Okay guys, I call on one of you, you ask a question about Fuzzies. Got it?
Random Fuzzy: But we ARE Fuzzies.
1-up Boo: Well ask something you aren’t sure about!
All Fuzzies: WHERE IS SPARTA?!
Void: … No one knows.
Kingfin: A place!
Fuzzy: We must go there when we finish!
1-up Boo: Sure you will! You! Ask something! OR DIE!
Flower Fuzzy: Um… What was with the Fuzzies on the Planet Blobule?
Fuzzy: I believe those were Fuzzy astronauts!
Void: Somehow I don’t see you being smart enough to make a rocket.
Fuzzy: We don’t MAKE rockets! We STEAL them!
(Lightning crackle…)
1-up Boo: It has been raining this whole time, hasn’t it…?
Vim: You seriously forgot that?
1-up Boo: Well, I thought I’d point it out to our fellow viewers!
Vim: What viewers?
1-up Boo: Don’t pretend you don’t know we’re famous.
Vim: With you here-
Void: Let’s chill.
1-up Boo: The rain and cold wind does that for us.
Void: …
Fuzzy: ANYWAYS! Back to the Fuzzy astronauts topic. Fuzzies can be the curious type; after all, we roam in villages and go to places outside our natural environment. There was some rocket launch plan not too long ago. It was somewhat near a forest, and yes, they made sure the forest was protected. Right, and some Fuzzies probably got on the rocket when the door was opened, maybe some latched on and somehow lived. But yes, we’re AWESOME like that! It was a pretty populated forest of Fuzzies.
1-up Boo: And they can breathe in space?
Fuzzy: Mario can too.
1-up Boo: … Oh, right.
Vim: You forgot?
1-up Boo: Quiet. Your turn to ask something, Forest Fuzzy!
Forest Fuzzy: Though I know, I’m guessing it hasn’t been asked: what’s with the web we hang from in Paper Mario in the Koopa Village?
Fuzzy: Relation to spiders! Though actually we rarely make webs- with the fur it can be hard to get out of one. So we’ll only really ever make it when needed or when it gives us an advantage and won’t trap us in the process.
1-up Boo: One more. You, Mister Green Fuzzy!
Green Fuzzy: SPARTA!
1-up Boo: Not a question!
Green Fuzzy: IT IS TO ME!
Void: They like Sparta.
1-up Boo: You think? Now ask a question.
Green Fuzzy: Where is S-
1-up Boo: You’d better not!
Green Fuzzy: Fine, what’s with the Fuzzies that travel on lines? Y’know, like the ones in New Super Mario Bros. and Super Mario Galaxy 2?
Fuzzy: We can latch on to stuff, and move quickly. We can sometimes use our webs for a little extra balance. Why some Fuzzies do that for their lives, I have no idea!
1-up Boo: And we’re done! Yippity dang doo!
Fuzzy: YES! Now I’m famous, and now we can find Sparta! LET’S GO!
(All the Fuzzies charge off, many making the “MEORK” sound along the way.)
1-up Boo: Whatever works?
Kingfin: Yup.
Vim: Weren’t they an interesting bunch.
Void: Indeed they were.
(1-up Boo looks at the camera.)
1-up Boo: … Thanks for watching, everyone! This Interview is brought to you by, Mushrooms! Lots and lots of Mushrooms!
(Kingfin stops the footage… somehow. I don’t know how he can with no hands… Ah well.)
Vim: Was it really necessary to do a conclusion?
1-up Boo: Hey, we never do ‘em.
(They stand there in the rain for a bit…)
Kingfin: Oh, wait… Me pressed pause not stop footage.
1-up Boo: Kingfin-
(END TRANSMISSION)
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