Unnamed Audience Member: What's so special about him? It's a goomba!Phil: Hey, Hey there. Shut your mouth. First question-
(The unnamed audience member fake-coughs very loudly.)
Phil: Will you please?
Unnamed Audience Member: BOOOOOOORING!
Phil: Mmmm. First question, How come there are so many of you?
Goomba: It's Bowser’s awful treatment of us. He exposes us to radioactivity, which he hopes will make us stronger, but *starts to cry* we turn into two smaller ones. He's mean!
Phil: HEHEHEHEHE- I mean, I'm sorry. Second question: What's the deal-
Goomba: (through sobs) He feeds us so little, and we sleep on the floor, and we are not allowed to leave, and-
Phil: Um, can we please try to stick to the-
Goomba: -he puts us through harsh training, and I've seen many of my friends perish, and
Phil: HEY! STICK TO THE QUESTIONS! Anyway, what's the deal with that Mega Goomba guarding the key in World 4 of New Super Mario Bros?
Goomba: Goombas take about 15 seconds for Mushrooms to take effect, and that Goomba probably ate a (bleep).
Phil: Hey! That's a registered trademark of Nintendo!
Goomba: Sorry. A "Mushroom that allows you to grow to epic proportions and that was introduced in New Super Mario Bros.
Unnamed Audience Member: Hey, isn't Goomba a regi
(The power gets cut.)
Representative of Nintendo: Sign here, here, and here.
Phil: And we're back! And whoever you are in the audience, I will kill you! Third question: How do Goombas hold stuff without arms, like bats?
Goomba: Our arms are small, like super small, like not even a magnifying glass can see them. We are born that way. Everything we hold is made so that it is unimaginably light, no matter its size, so that we can hold it.
Phil: And now, for you people at home, we go to you! You're on the air, who's this and what’s your question?
Caller Number 7: Hi, I am Gloomtail, what-
Dark Koopa: YAY!!!
Caller Number 7: What is your species best served with?
Goomba: WHA- erm, Poison Mushrooms!
Phil: You're on the air.
Caller Number 12: Hi, this is Wario, and I have a theory, that when you’re exposed to fire, a coin pops out of you.
Goomba: Yeah, but it's only 1 coin. Why would you even make the effort-
(click)
Phil: Well, that's all the time we have, tune in next week when we interview Mar- Hey, where did Goomba go?
In a torture chamber...
Goomba: Whah, where am, whah, I?
Wario: Sshsshssh. Relax. You'll be in a better place soon enough. Just go to sleep.
(Wario lights a match and puts Goomba alight. Goomba screams and vomits a coin, and burns up in flames.)
Wario: MONEY!!!
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