Giant Land Castle, same day, 9:30 AM
Delphene: Lemmy’s such a jinx! If he shows up one more time… why am I here?
Arista: Mom wants you to interview. *reads a paper* And she said to hose or burn Lemmy on sight… *reads more* Oh, she also wants you to interview Hooktail, Gloomtail, and Bonetail.
Delphene: I thought they were dead…
Arista: Silence, nonbeliever!
Delphene: Well, at least we have our special attacks. Now then…
Later…
Delphene: Hi, I’m-
Lemmy: L-
Delphene: Nice teeth. >:)
Lemmy: AAAAAAAAH!
(He runs away.)
Delphene: *flutters wings* Ha! Anyway, I’m interviewing Hooktail, Gloomtail, and Bonetail-
(Everyone screams.)
Delphene: We don’t want a repeat of the EPS interview. So, first Q for Boney: are you REALLY the oldest brother of the Tail family?
Bonetail: *ffft* No! I’m their father!
Goombella: I’M SORRY!!! IT’S NOT MY FAULT!!! I NEVER WAS REQUIRED TO STUDY YOUR KIND!!!
Gloomtail: We know it’s not your fault. The whole “kill first and ask later” thing did it.
Delphene: You’re next, Gloomy! How do you keep your scales a shiny clean black?
Gloomtail: Um, my scales are dark green. They LOOK black because they’re a really deep shade.
Delphene: Whoops. *^_^* Hooky, this one’s for you! Why do you hate crickets so much?
Hooktail: I don’t hate them. In fact, I eat them almost every day. If any of you saw the E3 demo of PM2, I’d have said “frogs”, not “crickets”.
(Wart turns stark white.)
Delphene: Easy, people, lunch is in a few hours. Last question and we go to the audience, but this one’s for all three of you: where are you originally from?
Bonetail: We’re from England on Earth. Many of you saw the Merlin movie, right? I was the dragon that accidentally burned Nimue (I sneezed), and although it SEEMED like I was dead, I wasn’t. I went to the nearest cave portal with my kids after Arthur killed my wife, and we were transported instantly to Plit. As soon as we got there, I hid Hooky and Gloomy and left for three days to find a home for us. Big mistake. When I got back, I learned from a passing dragon named Fracktail that Hooktail was imprisoned and shackled in the castle near Petalburg, and Gloomtail had been captured by servants of the young Shadow Queen to serve as a pet. I managed to free Hooktail, but when I tried to free Gloomtail, the guards threw me into the Pit-
Ganon: NOOOO!!! NOT INTO THE PIT!!! IT BUUUURRRRNNNS!!!
Bonetail (ignoring Ganon): - of 100 Trials, without any food or water. As you can see, they left me there a wee bit too long.
Delphene: This is more in-depth than I imagined. Seat SIRENBRO!
Sebastian: Hey. So Hooky, how did you and your brother eat all those people? Your stomach doesn’t look that big.
Hooktail: Female dragons are more slender. But to make my point, Gloomtail and I didn’t eat those people. It’s all an act. I picked up those bones and stuff you saw in my home from many different parts of the world. On my most recent trip, I found a guy that was holding some empty paper and pencil in his hand and that seemed dead, but he was VERY much UNdead. He nearly escaped while I was going to my room, but I heard a creaking noise and knocked him over by accident. It seems Kolorado’s dad wrote the letter while Mario, Goombella, and Koops were trekking to my castle. My and my brother’s speeches were to scare people off. Seat IONLYAPPEAREDASAVILLAINONCE!
Mario: Um… so, what’s the point of scaring people off?
Gloomtail: Did you listen to what Dad and Hooktail said? We tried scaring people off because we wanted to prevent the same thing that happened to Mom from happening to us. But that plan backfired. Big time…
Delphene: Oh crud, we’re in for it. Seat I’MTHESAMESPECIESASYOU!
Spyro: Bonetail, how did you die?
Bonetail: Ever notice how the Pit got darker and weirder as you went deeper? A lot of mold, mildew, and fungi formed there over the past 1,000 years. Many of the baddies that live there have successfully used the said filth as a food source. I died not only from being left in the Pit, but I was also poisoned by the fungi that I ate, along with the badge. Not to mention, it’s the main reason why I was able to employ the Special Attacks used in the battle. Seat IWANNAPLAY!
Konata (Lucky Star): How can you send letters to your sister or even get food while you were sealed behind the Thousand-Year Door?
Gloomtail: Note that everyone said DOOR and not WINDOW. My dad and sister are getting tired, so I’ll call the last seat. Seat WHERE’SACRUCIFIXWHENYOUNEEDIT!
Dimentio: DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE
DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE
DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE
DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE
DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!1!!!!1!!111!11!1!1!!!
(The criminally insane rogue magician nearly destroys everything, save the camera. Yet again, an inexplicable miracle survival.)
Delphene: MOOOOOOOOOM!!! I NEED A BREAK!!! THIS LUNACY IS NOT GOOD FOR MY SANITY!!! MOOOOOO-
(Dimentio destroys the camera for REAL.)
TRANSMISSION INTERRUPTED
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