(The camera cuts backstage. S. Koopa is pacing back and forth, waiting for Lemmy to arrive.)
S. Koopa: ... Where is he?! I've got my first Interview, and he's late to it.
(S. Koopa waits for another minute.)
S. Koopa: ... Whatever. I'll wing it.
(S. Koopa walks onstage.)
S. Koopa: Hello everyone! Welcome to Lemmy’s Interview Show!
(S. Koopa looks out into the audience to see only Wario, who is waving at him.)
S. Koopa: Aw, come on! It’s my first Interview! ...Well... *sigh* Welcome our interviewee... Mario.
(Mario comes onstage.)
Wario: I'm gonna KILL YOU, Mario!
Mario: What did I do?
Wario: Everything.
Mario: What's that supposed to mean?
Wario: Exactly.
S. Koopa: ... Um, first off, how can you jump so high?
Mario: Well, you know how I'm called "Super" Mario?
S. Koopa: Yeah, I guess.
Mario: And you know how "super" can imply powers?
S. Koopa: Yeah.
Mario: Well, I have a super power- to jump high.
S. Koopa: That's a pretty lame super power.
Mario: Shut up. No one asked you.
S. Koopa: So, does Luigi have the same power? After all, he jumps higher than you.
Mario: Yeah, he does, but he only jumps higher because he's lighter than I am.
Wario: KILL YOU!
S. Koopa: ... In Super Mario Galaxy, how were you able to breathe in space? After all, Super Paper Mario acknowledged that you can't do so normally.
Mario: When the Luma merged with me to give me the Star Spin, it also allowed me to breathe in space.
S. Koopa: What happened to Mario Land?
Mario: It still exists, but it’s nowhere near as popular as it used to be.
S. Koopa: Why's that?
Mario: Bowser Jr. took it over.
S. Koopa: ... Ok, that explains it. How could you spin Bowser in Mario 64? He's, like, twice your size.
Mario: Along with my jumping powers-
S. Koopa: Which are lame.
Mario: ...I also have more strength than an average person.
S. Koopa: You mean that you have super strength?
Mario: Yeah, I guess.
S. Koopa: Then why didn't you just ram down the doors in Mario 64?
Mario: They were sealed with magic that was more powerful than I am.
Wario: KILL YOU!
S. Koopa: Do that one more time, Wario, and I'M gonna kill YOU.
Wario: Hey! Don't steal my line!
S. Koopa: ... Whatever. *to Mario* What are your favorite power-ups to use?
Mario: Honestly, I have to say the Fire Flower and the Super Mushroom. Starmen are good, too, but they make my vision worse when in use, since I see everything as being psychedelically-colored.
S. Koopa: Why is it that you never seem to keep your gear across the RPGs? I mean, each time a new one comes out, you have to get all of your old weapons and gear back.
Mario: I sell them. Even as a hero, I've still got bills to pay, you know. I did keep my Hammer from Paper Mario, though.
S. Koopa: ... You sold all of your clothes?
Mario: Only the ones I found in the games. They're not very comfortable, since they're made for battle.
S. Koopa: Why didn't you use your Hammer in Super Paper Mario? You said you kept it.
Mario: I did, but I didn't bring it with me since I was just going to rescue Peach straight from Bowser's Castle. I figured that I wouldn't need it.
S. Koopa: Why do you always have to go through a series of worlds to get to Bowser's Castle? In Super Paper Mario and Super Mario RPG, you were able to get there without any of that.
Mario: Bowser is constantly building castles in new locations. I'm always having to take another route.
S. Koopa: In Super Paper Mario, though, you got to his castle really, really quickly. How?
Mario: Bowser had called all of his minions to the meeting on kidnapping Peach; he had no one on duty or anything. And he left the gate open.
S. Koopa: I see. What do you think of Luigi?
Mario: He's my brother, and it’s nice of him to want to help me out, but he can be kind of bothersome on adventures.
S. Koopa: What's your biggest fear?
Mario: Fear? Pssh! I scoff at fear!
(S. Koopa holds up a picture of a cute little bunny.)
Mario: *girly shriek* IT'S GOING TO KILL US ALL!!!
S. Koopa: Um... I guess I don't have anything else to ask, so... Audience Question Time. Seat number 4.
Wario: Uh, um, hmm...
2 hours later...
Wario: Umm... Mmmm... No... Let’s see...
S. Koopa: *hands covering eyes* AAHHH! JUST ASK A STUPID QUESTION ALREADY! I HONESTLY DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS!
Wario: Uh... Oh! I know! How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
S. Koopa: ... Seriously?
Wario: What? That's a very reasonable and smartical question. Besides, you said that you didn't care what the question was.
S. Koopa: ... "Smartical"... Ask something else. Something legitimate. Before I change my mind.
Wario: Fine. Why do you save Peach all the time?
Mario: Actually, I get paid to do it.
Wario: What? How much?
Mario: 1,000 coins.
Wario: I hate you.
Mario: I know.
S. Koopa: Alrighty then! Thanks for coming, Mario!
(Lemmy enters.)
Mario: Thanks for the Interview!
Lemmy: LEMMY’S INTERVIEW SHOW!!!
S. Koopa: Lemmy... The Interview is over.
Lemmy: But... I just got here.
S. Koopa: End Transmission.
Wario: KILL YOU!
S. Koopa: What did you just say?
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