1-up Boo: … I… am… bored.
Vim’s voice on radio: Yay.
1-up Boo: If I was near you I would shoot you with my rocket launcher.
Vim’s voice: Ha.
In Void’s escape pod...
Void: I wonder why the radio only communicates to you, Kingfin.
Kingfin: Me like it in here, soda machine.
Void: What the? They put a soda machine in these? I wonder where they get them.
1-up Boo: Hmm… Hey, a window. We are heading towards a…
Vim: A…
1-up Boo: A… a… a…
Vim: Just say it already.
1-up Boo: A… Hey, an asteroid.
Vim: Just our luck-
(CRASH! 1-up Boo and Vim’s escape pods crash into the asteroid, which somehow plummets them towards Kingfin’s and Void’s pods. They are now falling to their doom.)
1-up Boo: The Luma did say the chance of us making a perfect way to our destination would be low.
Vim: What was our destination?
1-up Boo: My studio of course. Silly Vim.
Vim: Did I ever mention how much I hate you?
1-up Boo: Yes.
(After 2 hours and 46 minutes of somehow being fine in the flaming escape pods, they land in a small forest.)
1-up Boo: I… blame… this… on…you… Vim.
Vim: I figured…
(They struggle up.)
1-up Boo: Calling Void, Kingfin? Do you read me?
Kingfin: We be here.
Void: Yes.
1-up Boo: Mission accomplished, 1-up Boo out.
Vim: May I ask why you’re talking like that?
1-up Boo: No, no you may not.
Vim: Where are we anyway?
1-up Boo: (singing) IN THE MIDDLE OF A FOREST WITH NO ONE BUT US NEARBYYYY!!!
Vim: Oh please don’t do that singing thing again.
1-up Boo: But I sing so well.
(Vim points to a fainted Goomba.)
1-up Boo: That doesn’t prove anything.
(Vim points to a plane in the sky on fire with all the windows broken heading towards land with voices heard screaming “terrible singing” from inside the plane.)
1-up Boo: Well… err… AGH!
(1-up Boo quickly gets out his rocket launcher and shoots Vim. For once Vim actually dodges it.)
1-up Boo: Not bad.
Vim: I hate you so very much.
1-up Boo: You’re starting to say that too much.
Void: Found something.
Kingfin: It black with a chain and black, it has a chain, it’s also black-
1-up Bo: Shut up, Kingfin.
Kingfin: Sorry, Boss…
(They go over to a Chain chomp that is sleeping…)
Vim: We need to be careful not to-
1-up Boo: WAKE UP!!!
Vim: Wake… it… up.
Chain chomp: (waking up) Mrrrr?!
1-up Boo: Hello.
( The Chain Chomp stares at 1-up Boo for 3 ½ seconds, then the Chain chomp attacks him insanely.)
1-up Boo: BAD BLACK BALL THING! ACK! A little help?!
Vim: Nah.
Kingfin: As soon as me get over there…
Void: He’s hooked on a chain, float back.
1-up Boo: Oh…
(1-up Boo floats back.)
Chain chomp: Grrrrr… *growls*
1-up Boo: Bad… umm… oh yeah, Chain Chomps!
Chain chomp: Grrrr… rrrr… *goes into a frenzy*
1-up Boo: Translator please.
(Void hands 1-up Boo a translator.)
Vim: (talking to self) Don’t ask, Vim, just don’t ask…
(1-up Boo heads towards the Chain Chomp to put on the translator but the Chain Chomp attempts to bite him.)
1-up Boo: Plan.
(Void floats over the Chain Chomp and holds him.)
1-up Boo: Aren’t you strong.
Void: Yes, now put the translator on.
(1-up Boo does so.)
Chain chomp: It was naptime sleeptime dreamtime!
1-up Boo: (singing) WE WISH TO INTERVIEW YOU BECAUSE WE ALWAYS GET SUCKED INTO ONE AND WE ARE STRANDED AND SINCE YOU’VE BEEN CHAINED HERE FOR A LONG TIME LIKELY YOU PROBABLY KNOW A WAY WE CAN GO BUT EVEN IF YOU DON’T I HAVENT INTERVIEWED A CHAIN CHOMP YET SO JUST LET US INTERVIEW YOU OR FACE MY MIGHT OR AT LEAST KINGFIN’S MIGHT OR VOID’S MIGHT VIM IS USELESS SO JUST KINGFIN OR VOID’S MIGHT SO LET US INTERVIEW YOU NOW!
Vim: …
Kingfin: …
Void: …
Chain Chomp: …
1-up Boo: … What?
Chain Chomp: Uh, nothing.
Void: Nope, nothing.
Kingfin: Me just saw, uhhh… bug.
Vim: Did you say I was useless?
1-up Boo: Okay, and yes I did.
Chain chomp: I’ll err… do the Interview as long as you never sing again.
1-up Boo: (singing) BUT MY SINGING RULES!!!
Chain Chomp: No it doesn’t.
1-up Boo: Aw…
Vim: Ha, told you.
1-up Boo: Quiet.
Chain Chomp: So…
(The chain chomp bounces into a bush and comes back out with a pillow and gets on it.)
Chain Chomp: Interview now?
Kingfin: Pillow looks comfy.
Chain Chomp: 10 coins each.
Kingfin: I only got 34.
Chain Chomp: Err, that works.
(The Chain Chomp snatches the 34 coins.)
Kingfin: Comfy pillow.
Vim: …
Void: …
1-up Boo: … Okay, FIRST QUESTION. What’s the difference between the Red Chain Chomps and the regular Chain Chomps?
Chain Chomps: Red Chain Chomps I believe SOMEHOW, don’t ask me why, train more and SOMEHOW paint themselves red to show they’re “elite” Chain Chomps.
1-up Boo: Ask a question, Void.
Void: How were there Chain Chomps behind the Thousand-Year Door?
Chain Chomp: That’s more of a question for the Shadow Queen herself actually, because I have no idea.
1-up Boo: (pulling out notepad) Note to self: Interview Shadow Queen.
Vim: *sigh…*
1-up Boo: No sighing unless I say so, Vim.
Vim: One good reason, give me ONE good reason besides the fact you can shoot me with your rocket launcher!
1-up Boo: Well… umm… *gets out hammer* You see… *begins singing again* I STILL HAVE THIS HAMMERRRRR!
Vim: A hammer isn’t that threatening.
1-up Boo: Fine… Where’s my shotgun?
(At the Comet Observatory…)
Luma: Okay, your turn to use it.
Blue Luma: Yay.
(The Blue Luma shoots into space and hits an asteroid, which plummets into Good Egg Galaxy.)
Luma: Neat.
Back...
1-up Boo: Huh… I wonder whe-
Chain Chomp: Can we please continue without some long interruption?
1-up Boo: Fine, why is it there are some Chain Chomps with chains and yet there’s some Chain Chomps with no chains?
Chain Chomp: Those are probably just Chain Chomps that got their chains cut off somehow.
1-up Boo: Heh, losers.
Chain Chomp: Grrr…
1-up Boo: No frenzy again please. The Stone Chain Chomps in the Dry Dry Ruins, can you explain them?
Chain Chomp: Those were just carved Stone Chain Chomps until Tutankoopa cast some spell on the them, allowing them to control themselves.
1-up Boo: Neat… Hey, the camera isn’t up. Vim, set the camera up.
Vim: Why-
(1-up Boo whacks Vim with his hammer.)
Vim: Owwww…
1-up Boo: More painful than you thought, huh? Now set the camera up.
Vim: Fine…
Kingfin: Me ask question?
1-up Boo: Go ahead.
Kingfin: Do Chain Chomps get along with any other species?
Chain Chomp: Not really, we’re really persistent on keeping our territory safe.
1-up Boo: Do Chain Chomps have any leaders in any way?
Chain Chomp: Nope, we’re just wild killing metal balls of destruction.
1-up Boo: If you say so. Where do Chain Chomps mainly live?
Chain Chomps: We don’t really have a main or very populated area, we’re pretty scattered, since Mario killed lots of us and because some Koopa company was killing us for our metal.
1-up Boo: *gasp* Where’s Void?
Void: I found a little tribe of wild Goombas. I threatened to blast them into oblivion unless they became our audience.
1-up Boo: How nice of you, Void. I shall ask one more question first. In Super Mario Sunshine, why are all the Chain Chomps red hot?
Chain Chomp: Well since we’re black and metal and the sun on Delfino Island is really REALLY hot, especially in that part of the island, we starting heating up, making our exterior red and getting us mad.
1-up Boo: Fascinating… Wait, why did the one big Chain Chomp turn gold when he got in the spa?
Chain Chomp: Probably something to do with the spring water.
1-up Boo: All right, SEAT 3!
Tribe Goomba: Why do Chain Chomps always lunge at Mario when they know they’re attached to a chain?
Chain Chomp: We’re just aggressive, okay! That’s just how we are, we get so angry seeing someone on our turf that we forget about the chain and lunge.
Tribe Goomba: How can you possibly forget about the chain?!
Chain Chomp: Forgetful memory?
Tribe Goomba: Uh huh.
Kingfin: Ooh, pick me again!
1-up Boo: Okay, KINGFIN!
Kingfin: Yay! Is the inside of Chain Chomps just all metal?
Chain Chomp: I have no clue, ask a scientist that.
1-up Boo: Note to self: ask a scientist what’s inside Chain Chomps.
Vim: *sigh…*
1-up Boo: NO SIGHING!
Vim: I hate you.
1-up Boo: Yes, I know. Seat 8.
Paratribe Goomba: Why are you calling seats when we’re on pillows?
1-up Boo: Uhh… I don’t know. Fine, pillow 19.
Spiked Tribe Goomba: Why did the Magiblot threaten us?
Void: It’s fun.
1-up Boo: Yes, now start asking actual questions again. Pillow 14.
Green Tribe Goomba: Do Chain Chomps just bounce around every day?
Chain Chomp: Every day, no. Most days, yes. We don’t have much to do, being attached to a chain and all. When we’re not bouncing around we usually mark our territory with lines in the dirt, or if there’s a Chain Chomp nearby we talk.
Green Tribe Goomba: Fascinating.
1-up Boo: Pillow 96. Woah, a lot of pillows.
Kingfin: COMFY!
Tribe Goomba: For the Chain Chomps that do escape their chains, what do they do once they’re free?
Chain Chomps: I don’t know, but I bet they just enjoy being free and going to new places, exploring new things… *sigh*
1-up Boo: (patting the Chain Chomp) There there.
Chain Chomp: Grrrr…
1-up Boo: Uhhh… Pillow 234.
Vim: Seriously, where do you keep these pillows? And that’s a large tribe.
Chain Chomp: Uhhh… Not a secret lair, I can tell you that.
Vim: Ugh…
Paratribe Goomba: I know this is an odd question, but why do Chain Chomps always close their mouth and open it over and over in Paper Mario games?
Chain Chomp: Probably just us hyped up about defending our territory and being aggressive and all.
Paratribe Goomba: Ah…
1-up Boo: Well, that’s a wrap.
Vim: The Interview actually got peaceful.
(1-up Boo blasts the Chain Chomp’s chain with his rocket launcher.)
1-up Boo: Be free.
Chain Chomp: WOOHOO!!!
(The Chain Chomp rolls off.)
Vim: You’re nicer to a Chain Chomp that attacked you than to me.
1-up Boo: Yes.
Vim: ARGH!!!
1-up Boo: Now Vim… calm down, and about the Interview getting peaceful part…
(1-up Boo shoots a random tree that falls, almost hitting a tribal Goomba and sending the Goombas fleeing.)
Vim: … Ugh.
Void: Well, how do we get back to the studio now?
(A map flies at Void.)
Void: What the?
Voice of Chain Chomp: That’s for setting me free!
Kingfin: That helpful.
1-up Boo: Yes… Let us set off, but first, Void?
Void: Yes?
1-up Boo: Shoot the camera.
Void: Okay.
(BOOM!)
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