(E-Guy and Gourmet Guy are in DS Guy’s living room playing Go-Fish.)
E-Guy: Got any 7’s?
Gourmet Guy: Nope, I ate them.
E-Guy: And why did you eat them?
Gourmet Guy: They remind me of cake.
????: Everything reminds you of cake, my chubby friend.
E-Guy and Gourmet Guy (surprised): Who said that?
????: Don’t you remember me?
(DS Guy appears out of nowhere as a Boo Guy and transformed back into an Anti Guy.)
DS Guy: I’m finally back for my next Interview.
E-Guy: Where have you been?
DS Guy: I ended up in Pipe Land by accident and got lost. Now let’s get my torture over with.
E-Guy: Torture?
At DS Guy’s interview studio...
DS Guy: Hello, ladies and koopamen, I’d like to announce that DS Guy’s Interviews is back.
(He looks out to see E-Guy, Gourmet Guy, and a mysterious person in a brown coat and fedora are the only ones in the audience.)
Gourmet Guy: Hooray!
E-Guy: Yippee!
DS Guy: And since there’s barely an audience out there, I’ve decided not to transform into a Shy Guy today. Now I am going to interview every last Koopaling in order of appearance in Super Mario Bros. 3… *realizes what he just said* … Aw man! Anyway, we shall introduce our first Koopaling. He once ruled Grass Land and was the last boss before Bowser in Mario World, give it up for Larry Koopa!
(Larry Koopa walks in and sits down.)
BOO!
Larry: How can that booing be so loud? There’s barely anyone here!
(He looks to see DS Guy putting away his remote.)
DS Guy: Technology, how I missed you dearly. Anyway, how does it feel knowing that you may have a chance to be in a game for the first time since Superstar Saga?
Larry: I feel fantastic, and here I thought Nintendo had forgotten all about us.
Guy in Coat: Get off the stage! You shouldn’t be here wasting DS Guy’s time!
DS Guy: Please keep all insults until the end of the Interview, thanks. Anyway, I heard that you were in a game of your own- Larry Koopa: Zombie Heartbreaker…
Larry: I was in a videogame, and they didn’t tell me?
DS Guy: I take it that you never even heard of it.
Larry: You take it correctly, but I am trying to get Nintendo to get me in a sports game. I’ve been training for years so I can be deemed worthy of being in at least one Mario sports game.
Guy in Coat: Tell me what Nintendo said!
Larry: I didn’t want to say it, but since you brought it up, they did say that if I was to be in a videogame, then all of my brothers and my sister will also need to be in it. Roy would probably want to be in it, but Wendy would jam me in a mouse hole if I asked her.
DS Guy: What about the others?
Larry: Well I know that Wendy won’t join, and Nintendo said it’s either all of us or none of us, so why bother asking the rest?
Guy in Coat: What made you think that I- er, Roy would want to join?!
E-Guy: You remind me of someone. *takes a good long look* Cousin Walter?
Guy in Coat: How about a knuckle sandwich to jog your memory?!
DS Guy: Enough! Calm down or I’ll be forced to use this!
(He pulls out his remote and shows it to everyone.)
Gourmet Guy: Can I say something? Can you make the knuckle sandwich in cake form?
Guy in Coat: No.
(Gourmet Guy pouts in a corner.)
Larry: Can we continue my Interview please?
DS Guy: Sure, I know you didn’t create Petey Piranha, but what about Dino Piranha?
Larry: Don’t you know how hard it is to cross-breed a plant and an animal? And don’t ask me about Fiery Dino Piranha. I tried to make a plant that can set itself on fire once. It just burned into ashes.
DS Guy: All right, I now have a new seating chart for the audience. But since there is only a small number of people, let’s just ask one person. Seat HIGHVOLTAGE.
E-Guy: You live in Dark Land, right? So how can you grow any plants if there is no sunlight at all?
Larry: You know that Angry Sun in 8-2, right? Well he provides the sunlight.
Guy in Coat: Plants are for sissies!
Larry: CAN YOU CUT IT OUT! YOU ARE JUST AS BAD AS ROY!
DS Guy: Just calm down there. Now speaking of Roy, tell me how you feel about him.
Larry (scared): But he might be listening.
DS Guy: Doubt it. Probably nobody’s watching since I just got back from Pipe Land, and there are only three people in the audience, he will never know.
Larry: Ok then, how do I say this? Roy is the biggest, meanest, most unfair person I’ve ever known! He punches me, kicks me, and of course smashes my plants. He also never bathes and, and… he has bad breath! *breathes heavily*
(Everyone else in the room is just sitting there in awe, but the guy in the coat is breathing through his nose.)
Guy in Coat: I have bad breath, do I?!
Larry: Huh?
(The mysterious stranger takes off his coat and hat, revealing that Roy has been wearing a disguise.)
Larry (nervous): Uh… Hey there, Roy. How are you doing?
Roy: I am going to give you a serious beating!
Larry: I’ve gotta get out of here!
DS Guy: Before you make an escape, tell me why your hair color was different in Super Mario World than it was in Super Mario Bros. 3.
(Roy is slowly advancing towards the stage.)
Larry (scared): Well, one day I woke up with my hair a different color. I figured it was a prank someone pulled on me. I’ve always wondered who did it, though.
Roy: Well here’s a hint: It was me all along!
Larry: *gulp*
Roy: And now I’m going to recolor your entire body in different shades of black and blue.
Larry: Thanks-for-interviewing-me-and-everything-but-sadly-I-have-to-leave-to-see-the-rest-of-my-life!
(Larry tries to head for the exit, but Roy blocks it. Larry places his hand on a thermostat and accidently turns the dial, revealing a secret passageway. Larry chooses to enter the passageway and the door closes.)
Roy: Eh, I’ll get you later.
DS Guy: Well, that’s all the time we have for now. Join me next time when I interview *checks his list* Morton Koopa Jr! That’s just great.
E-Guy: Um, DS Guy? Where does the passageway that Larry just entered go?
DS Guy: Don’t know? I didn’t know it existed until now.
(Gourmet Guy turns around from the corner.)
Gourmet Guy: Is there cake at the end?
E-Guy: Doubt it.
(Gourmet turns back to the corner and continues pouting.)
Meanwhile…
(Larry exits the tunnel and realizes that he is in a room with a pink bed, dolls, and pictures of DS Guy with hearts drawn around him.)
Larry: Where am I?
Shy Gal: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! What are you doing in my room?! Daddy, punish him for his intrusion!
(General Guy comes in with a bazooka and aims it at Larry.)
Larry: Are bazookas allowed in a Lemmy’s Land submission?
General Guy: Don’t worry, this bazooka fires Bullet Bills.
Larry: Well, as long as it’s Bullet Bills.
General Guy: Wait, it actually fires Banzai Bills. I always get those two mixed together.
Larry: Gulp! End Transmission.
Whoops! You're not logged in! |