Lord Crump: Yo, I can't think of anything funny to say!
JOHNNY: Everything you say doesn't have to be funny, you know.
Lord Crump: Yes, but I'm a funny guy.
JOHNNY: Funny-looking guy.
Lord Crump: Dude, that's older than Dry Bones!
Dry Bones: I'm not THAT old!
JOHNNY: When did you die?
Dry Bones: 418 B.C.
JOHNNY: Yeah... Crump's right, here.
Lord Crump: I'm right? Yeah! I love being right, dog!
JOHNNY: You know what I just realized? We haven't seen Salty in a while.
Lord Crump: Oh yeah. What happened to that dude, anyway?
Mr. Salty: I heard my name.
JOHNNY: Oh hey, you're back.
Lord Crump: Where were you, dog?
Mr. Salty: Hiding from the cops. Someone got sick from my gum, so now the cops think I poisoned my gum.
JOHNNY: Well, did you?
(Mr. Salty is seen injecting poison into his gum.)
Mr. Salty: Maybe.
Lord Crump: Why would you even poison it in the first place?
Mr. Salty: To get people addicted to my gum. Unfortunately, someone had an allergic reaction to it, so now I'm not going to sell gum for a while. Well, at least until the cops forget.
JOHNNY: That will be in a day or two.
Lord Crump: The cops are so stupid, dude.
JOHNNY: You are very right. Wow, twice in one day. I bet the cops are even dumber than Crump.
Lord Crump: Buh huh huh huh!
Mr. Salty: I think you may be right. That's a major insult to the cops.
JOHNNY: Enough about me being right like always. Let's get this show on the road!
Lord Crump: You mean Interview on the road.
JOHNNY: It was a figure of speech. But then again, with all the stupidity that goes on around here, one might mistake it for a show.
Lord Crump: So who's the lucky dude to get interviewed?
JOHNNY: Ember.
Ember: I'm on fire!
Lord Crump: You are fire.
Ember: You WILL be set on fire if you don't stop.
Lord Crump: We got a pyro on our hands.
Ember: Quiet!
Lord Crump: Fine. I guess we can start now, dudes. So, Ember, what are you?
Ember: A dead Goomba spirit.
JOHNNY: How did you become fire?
Ember: When we Goombas were sailing with Cortez, Kammy cast a spell on us so that we’d turn into flames when we died.
Lord Crump: So is that why you guys were all in Pirates Grotto and Keelhaul Key?
Ember: Yup. When the ship got wrecked all us Goombas died and became Embers.
JOHNNY: So why aren't there more Embers around, since there are a ton of Goombas?
Ember: Only Goombas under Kammy's death spell become Embers.
Lord Crump: Yo, so how did Phantom Embers form?
Ember: Kammy put that same spell on all Gloombas in the Pit of 100 Trails. When those Gloombas died, they became Phantom Embers. The Palace of Shadows was kind of like their burial place.
JOHNNY: Do you guys have any relationship with Lava Bubbles?
Ember: Not really. They were born as flames. That basically is saying we're dead and they're alive.
Lord Crump: You're dead?
Ember: Yes.
Lord Crump: Zombie! Run!
(Lord Crump runs screaming backstage.)
JOHNNY: Calm down, he isn't a zombie.
Ember: Guess again!
JOHNNY: Ahh!
(JOHNNY runs backstage with Lord Crump.)
Ember: Oh come on, you guys actually believed that?
...
Ember: Morons.
(Ember goes backstage and drags Lord Crump and JOHNNY back.)
Ember: It's called a joke. You know, something you can't make.
Lord Crump: Buh huh huh huh, my jokes are awesome!
JOHNNY: Eh, they're half decent to say the least.
Lord Crump: Well, getting on track, when your ship got wrecked, did you guys die immediately and become Embers right away?
Ember: No. We died right when we crashed, but it took a few hours for the fire to form on our souls and form Embers.
JOHNNY: Why doesn't Kammy put that spell on all Goombas since it makes them stronger when they die?
Ember: Well, since I'm not Kammy, I don't know, but it's probably because the potion she uses is very hard to make, as it's made with rare materials.
Lord Crump: All right, so, we all know you dudes can teleport, or fly, whatever, as you attacked our ship when we were sailing the sees. How come you guys don't levitate, or whatever you do, back to Rogueport?
Ember: Well it's levitation with an ability to become invisible for short periods of times. But we don't head back to Rogueport as we don't want to cause trouble. We like living in peace.
JOHNNY: Well how come you guys didn't go back to Rogueport even when Cortez went?
Ember: We've become too attached to the island, and didn't really want to leave it.
Lord Crump: Yo, it's everyone's favorite part of the Interview!
Ember: What, is it over?
JOHNNY: Crump, how many times have you said that?
Lord Crump: Don't ask me, I ain't good with math.
JOHNNY: Still, we all know that when you say it's time for everyone's favorite part, we know you mean audience questions.
Lord Crump: Stop proving me wrong! Anyway, let's start off with seat 52.
Admiral Bobbery: If you guys can turn invisible, how come you guys never do that in fights?
Ember: We don't like stealth methods of fighting.
JOHNNY: Seat 21.
Koops: How come when Mario hammers you guys, you don't burn his hammer?
Ember: The end of his hammer is made of fireproof steel.
Lord Crump: Seat 62.
Goombella: How come when you guys move, your fire doesn’t spread?
Ember: Our spirits have the fire contained.
JOHNNY: Seat 17.
Vivian: Why is your flame blue?
Ember: We're ghosts, so it looks more ghostly.
JOHNNY: G-g-g-g-ghost? I'm scared of ghosts!
Lord Crump: Ahh!
(Crump and JOHNNY run behind stage.)
Ember: Why do I always get the idiots?
(Ember goes backstage and drags Crump and JOHNNY back on.)
Ember: Relax, I'm not going to kill you.
Lord Crump: Really?
Ember: Really. Now let's finish up this Interview.
JOHNNY: Well, there only appears to be one more person with a question, so I guess this one goes to seat 33.
Madame Flurry: Why are Phantom Embers green?
Ember: How should I know? Go ask one of them yourself.
Mr. Salty: What's with all these Thousand-Year Door Partners in the audience?
Lord Crump: Oh crud, I forgot we were having our reunion.
Mr. Salty: Eh, they're probably still having a good time without you.
Lord Crump: That's impossible, dog! I'm the life of a party!
Ember: Yes, and I'm the king of Dark Land.
Lord Crump: Really, dude? I’ve got to have your autograph!
Ember: I'd prefer not to.
JOHNNY: Come on, Crump, did you really believe him?
Lord Crump: Of course not, I knew that dog was joking.
Mr. Salty: Of course you did.
Lord Crump: ... Let's just end this before I mess up my good day. END TRANSMISSION!
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