JOHNNY: I have been waiting for this day my entire life!
zz1666: Wow JOHNNY, I've never seen you this excited about doing an Interview before.
JOHNNY: Today I get to interview perhaps the strangest, most unusual creature ever!
zz: Who, Crump?
JOHNNY: Of course.
(JOHNNY and zz turn to see Crump picking his nose and eating it.)
zz: I'll pretend I never saw that... disturbing image.
JOHNNY: See, this is what I mean. He's naturally messed up.
Lord Crump: Buh huh huh huh, I am so smart!
zz: I swear, he is the stupidest person ever.
JOHNNY: This is why I want to interview him. I swear I have so many questions for him that it's going to take days for me to finish this interview.
zz: I hope no. I mean, I like interviewing and such, but I have a life besides this.
JOHNNY: This is Crump for petes sake; don't you just have a million questions for him?
Lord Crump: I wish I wish I was a fish!
zz: ... Right.
JOHNNY: Well let's start, boy, this is going to be the best Interview ever!
(JOHNNY excitedly skips on stage. Ha ha, skipping, how girly!)
JOHNNY: Crump, today I am going to interview you!
Lord Crump: Yo, I thought we were interviewing Shy Guy today?
JOHNNY: Forget Shy Guy, he's boring!
Shy Guy: Hey, that's not nice.
JOHNNY: Well no one cares about you, we only care about getting to the bottom line about Crump.
(JOHNNY kicks the Shy Guy out of the studio.)
JOHNNY: Let's start now!
Lord Crump: Buh huh huh huh, what's the rush, take yo time, dude.
JOHNNY: No! Now, so many questions, where to start?
Lord Crump: Buh huh huh huh, I feel more special then normal today, dude.
JOHNNY: I'll start right there. So Crump, why do you always laugh horribly?
Lord Crump: Buh huh huh huh, all evil villains need a laugh, dog.
JOHNNY: But your laugh is annoying and horrible!
Lord Crump: Buh huh huh huh, everyone loves my laugh!
JOHNNY: Yeah, making fun of it.
Lord Crump: No, they love it because it's best!
JOHNNY: No, it's not.
Lord Crump: Yo, you just wish you could have a laugh as good as mine.
JOHNNY: Oh please, even Cackletta's laugh is better then yours.
Cackletta: Eyak yak yak!
Lord Crump: Buh huh huh huh, how is that laugh better then mine?
JOHNNY: Moving on, why do you always talk gangster? You know, always saying "yo" and "dude"?
Lord Crump: Yo, it's just my natural lingo.
JOHNNY: What, were you born in a gang or something?
Lord Crump: No, I was just born cool, and I lived in a town full of gangsters, so I adapted their lingo.
JOHNNY: So what were you doing before you joined the X-Nauts?
Lord Crump: Well duh, I was plotting to takeover the world on my own. You see, I was trying to build up a world domination plan by myself, but I wasn't the smartest dude for it, so then I met Grodus at an evil villain meeting, and we teamed up. He was the brains of the operation; I was the one who carried out the plans.
JOHNNY: So are the X-Nauts still around even though Grodus isn't?
Lord Crump: Yup. I am now the leader and have another attempt at world domination planned.
JOHNNY: What happened to Magnus Von Grapple?
Lord Crump: Yo, that bucket of bolts was no use to me. I would have, like, destroyed Mario if I wasn't using Magnus Von Grapple. Now I am working on creating a much more powerful robot.
JOHNNY: Would it happen to be called Magnus Von Grapple 3.0?
Lord Crump: Buh huh huh huh, that name stinks. It's now called Magnus Von Crumple.
JOHNNY: Von Crumple? Hahahahahaha, that's hilarious! Crumple, ha, how stupid!
Lord Crump: Yo, that's racist.
JOHNNY: Not really. I'm just saying Crumple is worse a name then Grapple.
Lord Crump: Yo, Grapple made no sense. Crumple fits in, as that's my name, dude.
JOHNNY: Well it still makes the name sound bad. Now, why do you wear those goofy goggles?
Lord Crump: Dude, my vision ain't all that great. These help me see, and they look cool.
JOHNNY: It looks like you found those in a cereal box.
Lord Crump: You mean you eat X-Treme Chocolate Nauts too? Man, I though I was the only one who liked them.
JOHNNY: What in the name of all things peaceful is X-Treme Chocolate Nauts?
Lord Crump: It's a very chocolaty cereal shaped like X-Nauts, dude, it's amazing!
JOHNNY: Now, going back to Magnus Von Grapple, did you make him?
Lord Crump: You bet!
JOHNNY: So how did you make him?
Lord Crump: Yo, I got some metal, and started to weld it all together until it formed Magnus Von Grapple. You see, I'm mechanically smart, and that's how I was able to put him together. The features such as the rocket arms were made by attaching different parts and programming them.
JOHNNY: That must have been quite the engineering project.
Lord Crump: It was.
JOHNNY: Did the X-Nauts help with it?
Lord Crump: Magnus Von Grapple was created before I joined the X-Nauts.
JOHNNY: Then why does he have that X on him?
Lord Crump: Yo, I just painted the X on after I became part of the X-Nauts, dude.
JOHNNY: Now, this is also going back to a previous question, but what made you want to join the X-Nauts?
Lord Crump: Yo, I thought I already told you, but anyway, I joined because taking over the world was too big of a task for one person to accomplish, and I'm only mechanically smart, not smart smart like Grodus, so he was for the most part the brains.
JOHNNY: Well, I don't want to ask all the questions here, so let's move on to audience questions.
Lord Crump: Yo, this Interview is going by quick. I thought you said you had a lot of questions, dude?
JOHNNY: I did, but I'm just being extra focused today, and we haven't had any distractions to get us off-track.
Mr. Salty: Buy my gum! Now!
JOHNNY: Spoke too soon.
Lord Crump: Yo, what made you show up?
Mr. Salty: I need someone to buy this last pack of gum off me!
JOHNNY: Salty, like, tons of people are addicted to your gum, for crying out loud! How can you not sell your last pack?
Mr. Salty: The police are getting suspicious of me dealing gum. Apparently it’s illegal to sell gum to school kids. So, by my gum now!
JOHNNY: No!
Mr. Salty: You are so lucky I don't have a pen on me. Or scissors...
JOHNNY: Heh heh, can't stab us now!
Lord Crump: Yeah, today we are safe from being stabbed!
Mr. Salty: Don't get used to it.
(Mr. Salty hunches his was out of the studio, looking for chumps to buy his gum.)
JOHNNY: Now, let's proceed to audience questions. Seat 45!
Goombella: How come when Mario first fought you in Rogueport he beat you so easily, and when he fought you in Pirates' Grotto it took him more then a few shots to beat you?
Lord Crump: Back in Rogueport I was exhausted from all the searching for that map. When Mario came I was so tired I could only attack one way, and it only took a few hits to knock me out.
JOHNNY: Seat 38!
Luigi: Why did you guys choose to build your base on the moon?
Lord Crump: We wanted to build it somewhere that no one would be able to get to. However, Mario managed to find a way to get there.
JOHNNY: Seat 2!
Ludwig: Are you guys planning any attempts yet to try to takeover the world again?
Lord Crump: No, but we're going to make some soon. Now that I'm the one making all the plans, our second attempt will be much different from the first. Hopefully mine will succeed. Buh huh huh huh!
JOHNNY: Time for one last question. How about seat 11!
Clawgrip: Why did you add "lord" in front of your name?
Lord Crump: I wanted the X-Nauts to call me lord, as my way of maintaining a higher ranking over them. However, due to my gangsterly ego, they adapted to calling me "dude". No one else really called me by "lord" since they weren't below me in the X-Naut clan.
JOHNNY: Well, that's about it for this Interview.
Lord Crump: This Interview was short, yo.
JOHNNY: I know, no distractions either, aside from a very small incident with Salty.
Lord Crump: Dude, do you know what this means?
JOHNNY: No. What does it mean?
Lord Crump: It means next Interview will be full of distractions.
JOHNNY: Yeah, you're probably right. So, yeah, END TRANSMISSION.
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