Ballyhoo: HAHAHA!!! WELLCOME TO MICHAEL’S INTERVIEW SHOW!!! LOCATED ON THE ISLAND OF THE ANICENTS!!! NOW HERRRRRRE WE GO!!!
(Most of the audience’s ears are bleeding now, except the Goombas, who are having seizures.)
Michael: Is it just me, or is the audience in pain shortly before the start of the Interview becoming a running gag?
Melody: Yes, look!
Running Gag: I’m running!
Michael: … I need to destroy that thing before I get accused of stealing someone’s joke. SECURITY!
(Security, which is an army of R.O.Bs, annihilates Running Gag.)
Michael: And YOU! Mew’s Metronome may have brought you two here, but if you DARE yell like that again I’ll TEAR YOUR TONSILS OUT!
Ballyhoo: EEP!!! I CANNOT CONTROL IT; I THINK BIG TOP MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT!!! BUT IF YOU KILL BIG TOP, I WILL KILL YOU!!!
Michael: Fine. Now before we get started, there are a few things I would like to explain. You’re probably wondering where Mew is; the answer is that he’s getting Luigi the therapy mentioned last Interview. Little does Mew know that he’s also getting therapy for his short temper.
(Meanwhile at the therapist’s office…)
Mew: Hello, I’m here to get therapy for my uncle Luigi.
Secretary: Good for you to come, because you also have a therapy session.
Mew: Say what?
Secretary: Yes, your brother Michael also scheduled a session for you, didn’t you know?
Mew: …
One second later...
(Mew has been tied up with indestructible, inescapable rope to a likewise-built stretcher.)
Mew: YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!
Guard: We just did.
Mew: WHATEVER!!!
Back at the studio...
Michael: Because of this, I brought my girlfriend, Melody, to help me. Here she is… Let’s give her a BIG hand! Do it or else!
(A young girl with blonde hair tied in a long ponytail fashioned similarly to Dixie Kong’s, with blue eyes and wearing a yellow and white-striped short sleeve blouse and a blue, short but not too short, skirt, appears. The audience cheers as if their life depended on it… which it does.)
Melody: Hello.
Michael: Now let’s get this Interview started, honey. BRING OUT THE PRISONE- I MEAN INTERVIEWEES!
(Wario and Waluigi pop up from two openings that appeared on the stage floor. Knockout dart shooters surround the Wicked Brothers as soon as the openings close. Oh, and they’re forced to their chairs by metal rings.)
Michael: First question-
Waluigi: (foaming at the mouth in anger) GRAAAAAAAAAAH!
Michael: Shut up! What are your plans after this is over?
Wario: To kill you, and I’m pretty sure Waluigi agrees.
Melody: Next question. Why do you, Waluigi, listen to Wario, a mental retard?
Waluigi: (still foaming) I may be a hothead-
Random Hothead: Hey!
Waluigi: -but I KNOW not to mess with someone who could shatter me with one punch.
Michael: Yikes! Next question, this is for Wario, how does it feel to be a moron?
Wario: HEY! I’m NOT a moron! I fly a plane; I made a TV teleporting helmet in a mere five minutes; AND I made mind-controlling helmets I used on your STUPID UNCL-
(Michael kicks Wario in the shins and punches him in the gut. All this causes Wario’s seat to fall over and the knockout dart shooters to fire. Needless to say, he’s down and out.)
Melody: O-O Wow, don’t you think that was a little harsh?
Michael: Yeah, but he shouldn’t have gone there if he knew what was coming to him.
Melody: True, how very very very very very…
2 hours later...
Melody: …very true. Now then, next question; why do you- WHAT THE @##@#$@?!
(It is then that our interviewers notice that the studio has flooded with the foam from Waluigi’s mouth. Fortunately, the stage is raised so the four are safe from drowning. The audience, however, aren’t so lucky.)
Melody: EWWWWWWW!!! That is SICK, GROSS, and JUST PLAIN WRONG on SO many levels!
Michael: Good thing that wasn’t us, but how are we supposed to ask audience questions when the time comes?!
?: METRONIZE!!! (singing) Yes, here I come, to save the day!
Michael: MEW!!!
Mew: Yep! I’m back from therapy! The good news is that the audience is alive!
(Suddenly, an army of Ghost Toads, Boo Goombas from Super Mario Land 2, Dry Bones, Boo/Ghoul Guys, Eeries, and Boos start to swarm the stage. All except the later are the undead forms of Toads, Goombas, Shy Guys, and Yoshis respectively.)
Mew: The bad news is they’re half alive.
Michael: #%$@#@#@$%$%$!!! Quick, to the ghost-proof flexiglass escape pod, which is conveniently right below us!
(Michael, Mew, Melody, Wario, Waluigi, MC Ballyhoo- who appeared out of no where- and Big Top- who came with Ballyhoo- are suddenly encased in a small flexiglass dome that barely fits them.)
Melody: Can’t… breathe.
Michael: Wait for it…
(Suddenly, the floor opens and the 7 are in what appears to be a mini-sub.)
Melody, Waluigi, and a now-conscious Wario: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!
(Michael, Mew, Ballyhoo, and Big Top share a nod, and then switch chairs and fiddle with the controls.)
Melody: What are you four doing?
Computerized Voice: Launching pod in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, have a nice day.
(FWOOM!!!)
Melody: OOOooooh SNAAAaaaap!!!
(The pod launches itself into the literal sea of enemies, sucking up the ghosts and frying whatever it can’t suck up using a Poltergust 3000 attachment.)
Melody: … Woah.
Mew: Indeed, now ask that question and get this Interview back on track.
Melody: Okay! Waluigi, why do you hate Luigi so much?
Waluigi (who stopped foaming back when it was revealed the studio flooded): I could tell you, but it wouldn’t do the story justice. Instead, I’ll show you in flashback form. It happened during our first fight against the Marios…
(Flashback)
(Luigi unleashes a flutter kick- you know, like the way he jumps in some games- on Waluigi, breaking his chin.)
Waluigi: GRRRR! NOW YOU DIE!
(Waluigi tosses a huge wave of bombs at Luigi.)
Luigi: WHAAH!!
(Luigi swats the bombs away in fear. They all hit Waluigi, burning him and nearly knockig him unconscious.)
Waluigi: Ow.
(Luigi, ticked off at Waluigi for scaring the living tar out of him, breaks his nose.)
(End Flashback)
Mew: … Woah
Michael: Woaher
Big Top: Woahest
Michael: Audien- Wait, we don’t have one. Man! When are we going to be able to actually ASK audience questions without something strange stopping us?!
Mew: It’s okay, I’ll just ask some questions. Wario, why do you like money so much?
Wario: … I don’t know. I’ve just a thing for it as far as I remember.
Mew: Odd, maybe I should ask that to Baby Wario if we interview him. Now then, Waluigi, how do you feel about being portrayed as a total coward a lot in Lemmy’s Land?
Waluigi: TERRIBLE! IT MAKES ME %#*#*#%*# MAD!
Mew: 0-0 Woah! Looks like I, like Mikey before me, have hit a sensitive spot. Ballyhoo, Big Top, ask one question each (though I think I might regret this)!
Ballyhoo: HAHAHA!!! WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?!
Wario: Purple.
Waluigi: Black.
Big Top: What color is your aura?
Michael: >^< You can talk normally?!
Big Top: Yeah.
Michael: Then why didn’t you when we first met you?!
Big Top: ‘Cause I don’t like you.
Michael: $#*%#$*!
Wario: … Anyway, to answer your question, it’s yellow
Waluigi: Purple.
Michael: That’s it then! Look, all of the undead and foam has been sucked up! The studio is restored now and we won’t have to pay for repairs! YAYZ!
Mew: HOORAY!
(Michael and Mew start breakdancing.)
Melody: Eh HEM?
Michael: Oh, right. Now before we end this, we’ll spin the Wheel of Fates. It’s kind of like Lord Seth’s Wheel of Misfortune, but the percentage of blue space (which is good) to of red space (which is bad) is decided by the previous interviewee, and whether the interviewee will be safe, get a gift, or get tortured is decided by Mew. So what’s the verdict, Uncle Bros?
Mario Bros: Zero.
Michael: That automatically puts them in danger; what’s YOUR verdict-
Mew: THEY PAY! They destroyed our studio, flooded it in mouth foam (which is SO wrong!), are going to KILL us, committed various crimes, and worst of all they almost KILLED Uncle Luigi! So they must pay for their misdeeds!
Michael: Agreed. Now how should we do this…? I know!
(Michael traps the Wicked Brothers in cement from the neck down, shuts their mouths with duct tape, slaps laminated notes on the Bros. that say bad things about King Boo, Boos, and undead in general, and finally stuffs them in a huge water balloon along with all the undead and foam that was sucked up earlier. Michael pushes the huge water balloon onto a catapult leading to King Boo’s Haunted Haunt, and then fires it.)
Melody: Wow, this we HAVE to see!
Ancient Minster: I know, so I dispatched an R.O.B. Sentry to film it.
Michael: Cool. That’s all, folks! So see you next time, when I interview Yoshi in my first Interview without a co-interviewer on…
Everyone: MICHAEL’S INTERVIEW SHOW!!!
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