Zed: Question.
DB: I don't care.
Zed: But-
DB: If it has ANYTHING to do with the fact we've been rocketed into space because of that meteor and have been floating around aimlessly for several months now, I really don't care.
Zed: ...
Thunk: Boss good at knowing puny skeleton's thoughts.
Zed: See, you call me puny, but DB's the smallest one here.
DB: Am I, Zed? AM I?
Zed: Yes. You are.
DB: Oh. But you have the smallest head.
Zed: That's only because your body IS your head!
DB: That may be true, but you smell like a rotten boulder.
Zed: ... Boulders don't rot!
DB: Which is just how bad you stink.
Zed: You don't have a nose!
DB: Again, which is just how bad you stink.
Thunk: Ba-dum-dum?
DB: That joke is dead forever, Thunk.
Zed: It wasn't that funny to begin with.
DB: Stop stinking up space with your putrid words.
Zed: That makes no-
DB: POLLUTION!
Zed: But-
DB: Thunk?
Thunk: POLLENATION!
Zed: ... I hate space.
Some time later...
DB: Bored bored bored. This is a terrible vacation.
Thunk: Thunk hungry.
DB: If we ever get back to that dirtball we came from, I'm going to kill the guy that's responsible for this mess.
Zed: You mean that Shady guy?
DB: Yes... He was rather shady. Though his name eludes me at the moment. So, you'll have to be my punching bag for now, Zed.
(DB tries to move himself in Zed's direction, waving his arms feebly. No luck.)
DB: I HATE SPACE!
Zed: Huh. I hate it less now.
DB: Shut up, Zed!
Thunk: Thunk still hungry.
Even more time later...
DB: I spy with my little eye, something that is... Green!
Thunk: Hungry.
DB: No, the answer is not hungry.
Thunk: No. Thunk is hungry.
DB: Oh. You're still wrong. Your turn, Zed!
Zed: Let's see, I'm the only green thing around for probably hundreds of miles, so I'm gonna have to say me.
DB: ... Okay, it's obvious Zed's cheating-
Zed: How could I cheat at "I Spy"?!
DB: -so we'll move onto the next object. I spy with my little eye, something that is... Stone!
Zed: Thunk.
DB: Nope! You're wrong! Zed fails! Gyahaha!
Zed: But Thunk's the only-
DB: Wrong again! There's a big, stone, circular platform right in our flight path! It's coming pretty... fast... too…
Zed: ... Um.
DB: ... Hm. This might be a bit painful.
Zed: Shall we scream?
DB: Let's.
DB and Zed: Waaaaggggggghhhhh!
Thunk: Still hun-
(All three slam face-first into the stone platform.)
Thunk: ...-gry.
(DB and Zed struggle to float and stand up respectively. Thunk is stuck.)
Zed: There is no word that can describe how painful that was.
DB: I think I'm bleeding.
Zed: Where are we?
(The stone platform they are on is in the middle of a dark, rather ghastly-looking area. Objects like bones, meat, and even a mansion are visible in the sky, just floating there.)
DB: Ghosts aren't supposed to bleed.
Zed: ... This is a bit eerie- Meat?
(Probably meat. Or candy or something.)
Zed: Wait- But- Why?!
(Hey, I just describe the place, I don't explain it.)
DB: Where's this blood coming from?
Zed: Shouldn't you be more alarmed at the fact we're in the middle of what seems to be... How do I put this... a Ghostly Galaxy, possibly hundreds, or even thousands of miles away from home with no way to return?! We could be stuck out here for all eternity! ... Stuck here with EACH OTHER.
DB: ...
Zed: Well!?
DB: Ghostly... Galaxy? That is so lame! Shame on you, Zed!
Thunk (finally getting up) At least we alive.
(Silence.)
Thunk: ... Well, at least Thunk alive.
DB: Quiet. I'm thinking... You know, this platform we're on is very boss-ish.
Zed: "Boss-ish"?
DB: Yeah. Big, flat, symmetrical, and empty. These are usually the kinds of places where bosses are fought.
Zed: ... What are you implying?
DB: Hey, if we get ambushed by some giant monster thing that MAY or MAY NOT have been mentioned in the title, it is in no way my fault for bringing up the subject of bosses, if I even did that in the first place, which I MAY or MAY NOT deny in the event I get blamed in the event we MAY or MAY NOT-
Zed: Please stop so we can get attacked already.
DB: All right, but you just took full responsibility, bub.
(At that, the platform they are all on begins to shake violently. Pieces of rock and a black-gunk like substance start rising from the ground and gather near the center of the platform. Eventually, it begins to take the shape of the beast that is Bouldergeist.)
Bouldergeist: GWROOOAAAR!
DB: HOLY FLAMING ZED CARCASS!
Zed: OH MY- What did you say?
Bouldergeist: GWROAR!
(Bouldergeist punches Zed so hard he rockets into space again.)
Zed: Zed Tork is blasting off agaaaiin!
(Zed disappears as a star.)
DB: Zed's last name is Tork? Weird.
Bouldergeist: Gwroar?
DB: Huh? Oh, sorry, where were we?
Bouldergeist: GWROOOAAAR!
DB: Oh, yes. AGGGHHH!
(Bouldergeist begins winding up another punch.)
DB: Thunk! I command you to do something!
Thunk: Hur?
(Suddenly, everything changes to Thunk's perspective of things! Why? BECAUSE IT'S NEAT!)
Thunk: Hold it right there, good sir!
(As Bouldergeist throws his punch, he stops right before hitting DB, turning his attention to Thunk.)
DB: Wha?
Bouldergeist: Are you talking to me?
Thunk: That I am. I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to not harm my miniscule friend.
Bouldergeist: Hmm. Well, I suppose I can make an exception. What is your name?
Thunk: I am Whompinus Brickenton IV. But most people call me Thunk.
DB: You actually understand that “'gwroar”-obsessed beast, Thunk?
Thunk: Of course.
Bouldergeist: Hm. The little thing is actually rather adorable looking. What's her name?
Thunk: Don't let the effeminate color scheme fool you. He's actually male, and his name is DB.
DB: What's that? Did you just say "Ignore girly purple color", Thunk?
Bouldergeist: I can't understand the high-pitched noises the little one is making.
Thunk: Oh, well that is a shame.
DB: What did he just say about me, Thunk?
Thunk: The good man just said he is unable to understand you, sir.
Bouldergeist: Please. Call me Bouldergeist, Thunk. And I apologize for punching your other tiny, undead friend away into the darkness of space.
Thunk: Oh, no big deal, really. I can't tell if he's actually that important.
Bouldergeist: So, what brings you and your friend to my regions of the galaxy?
Thunk: Well, it's a bit complicated. What say you we skip that story and have an Interview?
Bouldergeist: Interview?
Thunk: Yes. Question and answer, learn a bit about you, all that jazz...
Bouldergeist: Sounds interesting. I'll call some of my flunkies, they might like to see this.
(Bouldergeist starts to summon Boos and Bomb Boos out of the ground. One of them has a camera.)
DB: I'm sorry, I must have misheard you, Thunk. It sounds like you're starting an Interview. But that can't be right, because I'M the interviewer around here, and this is my vacation.
Thunk: Sorry, little master, but if we're going to get out of this situation, we'll have to do it the way we always do.
DB: ... Thunk, you need to learn proper grammar so I can understand you better. All I got out of that was something about using problems to solve problems.
Thunk: Just trust me on this.
DB: ... Fine. But whatever it is you're planning, it had better work. I'm going to hang out with those funny-looking Boos.
(DB moves into the audience.)
Thunk: So, Bouldergeist-
DB: Do the intro!
Thunk: ... Hello everyone, and welcome to another edition of-
DB: Dark Boo's Interviews!
Thunk: Today, I interview this rather bulky-looking fellow who calls himself Bouldergeist.
Bouldergeist: It sure "rocks" to be here.
(Pleasant laughter.)
DB: ... You laugh like slack-jawed idiots.
Thunk: My first question concerns your physical appearance. Why do you seem to be leaking a black, gooey substance?
Bouldergeist: What? Oh, that. That's my essence.
Thunk: Essence?
Bouldergeist: Life force, energy, whatever you want to call it. When it comes down to it all, the form I take is a black, glowing ball with eyes and a... It's my core, but it sort of looks like an uvula.
Thunk: Like from inside a mouth?
Bouldergeist: Precisely. That or a tongue or a heart...
DB: I'm bored...
Thunk: So wait, what are the rocks for?
Bouldergeist: Er, it's a bit embarrassing. My true form is completely defenseless, and only a bit larger than the size of your tiny friend over there.
Thunk: That's a shame.
DB: What did he just say about me? I saw him point over here!
Bouldergeist: However, as you can see, I am surrounded by various sizes of rocks, giving me the form I currently have. You see, I have power over rocks and boulders, being able to manipulate them with my will alone.
Thunk: Can you manipulate ANYTHING made of rock or stone?
Bouldergeist: Well, no, not really. My main control is over the rocks in this galaxy, or my territory.
Thunk: Why only the ones around here?
Bouldergeist: The rocks in this galaxy have been imbued with a small amount of my essence. It may be a very small amount, but the rock will contain it, and I will be able to manipulate it.
Thunk: How do you know you can't use other kinds of stones?
Bouldergeist: Occasionally an asteroid or meteorite from some other part of space will pass through here. I'm never able to move them. That, and I tried to throw you off this platform with my mind when you got here.
Thunk: Did it work?
Bouldergeist: ... Are you trying to be funny?
Thunk: Yes.
Bouldergeist: Oh. Good job, then.
(Pleasant laughter.)
DB: Ugh, this is so SLOW. I'm so BORED. ARGH. Someone pay attention to me!
Boo: Don't touch me.
DB: Urrrgh. I swear I'm going to explode... Lucky Zed, not having to be here...
Meanwhile, somewhere else in space...
Zed: Huh. This isn't so bad when I'm alone. No idiots around to harass me, nice thinking time... Though it is a bit depressing that I'm probably lost forever now... I'll never see my mansion again... or my girlfriend. *sniff* Hey, who am I talking to?
(I suppose it could be me.)
Zed: Oh, great, the disembodied voice.
(Yep... Wait, did you say you have a mansion? And a GIRLFRIEND?)
Zed: I've had them for quite some time now.
(...)
Zed: What?
(BAH HA HA HA HA HA!)
Zed: I'm being serious! She'll probably kill me if I ever get back for being gone so long!
(HA! You crack me up, Zed.)
Zed: Just hurry up and move the plot along!
(Okay, okay... Pff. Girlfriend. I have to tell DB you said that.)
Zed: NARRATE!
(Okay, I'm doing it! Okay, so, uh, Zed is still soaring through space after the big punch from Bouldergeist. Suddenly, and without warning, he hits a giant egg on a very tiny planet. Zed tumbles off of it in pieces, while the egg starts to crack.)
Zed: Owwww. Why is space so full of garbage?
(As Zed reassembles, he hears shattering and a roar from behind him.)
Zed: ... Stay calm. Monsters only give chase the second you notice them. Nothing to-
(Zed's smacked off the tiny planet by Dino Piranha's tail.)
Zed: Arrrgggh- What the?! Why does that dinosaur have Petey Piranha's heeeaad?!
(And thus, Zed was sent soaring once again, while the Dino Piranha bellows a sort of laugh in his direction.)
Back at the Interview...
Bouldergeist: Gwroar gwroar.
Thunk: That shame.
(Whoops, almost forgot. Put everything back in Thunk's perspective.)
Thunk: So, why did you choose to combine your lifeforce with rocks? I'm not criticizing you, oh no, I'm just curious why you didn't choose anything else.
Bouldergeist: Look around you. The only things I could possible try that with are those floating bones, maybe the Boos, or that strange floating meat... I still don't know why it's there. Frankly, I'd like to think hard stone and rock is superior to all of those in terms of making myself a body.
Thunk: So then... What EXACTLY are you?
Bouldergeist: I'm a ghost. It's how I got my name, "noulder" for my rock affinity and "geist" as in poltergeist. It's a play on words, you see.
Thunk: I do see. You're dead, then?
Bouldergeist: Actually, that's somewhat complicated. I'm not one dead individual, but the gathering of multiple souls to produce one powerful being.
Thunk: Like a Big Boo?
Bouldergeist: Eh... I guess you could say that.
DB: Huh?! What are they saying about Boos?! I wasn't paying attention! That could've been potentially interesting!
Bomb Boo: You're creepy, you purple weirdo.
DB: DON'T CALL ME WHAT I KNOW I AM!
Thunk: While we're on the subjects of Boos-
DB: NARGH!
(Everyone in the audience moves away from DB.)
Thunk: -are you related to them?
Bouldergeist: While I do have control over most of the ghosts in my territory, I am not in any way a Boo.
Thunk: Then how are you able to control them?
Bouldergeist: I'm a giant rock monster. They aren't about to argue. And I gave them that house over there.
(Bouldergeist points at the haunted house floating in the sky.)
Bouldergeist: That usually gets them on my side.
Thunk: Why is that even there? It's just sort of... floating.
Bouldergeist: See, that's an interesting story. Not too long ago, these turtle-like people from a far-off planet came to our galaxy. In exchange for my allegiance to their king, Bowser Koopa he was called, they gave me some mystical objects called Power Stars, in addition to a creepy old house. I couldn't use it myself, so I just gave it to the Boos.
Thunk: Wait wait wait. Bowser Koopa? As in the Koopa Troop?
Bouldergeist: Yes! You've heard of them?
Thunk: The planet they came from is the home of me and DB!
DB: Eh?
Thunk: Why did you ally with the Koopa Troop? They treated me like common dirt before I forced my way out.
DB: Stop ignoring me when I say something!
Bouldergeist: I told you. They gave me Power Stars! Six, to be exact! And if you've ever had a Power Star before... you'd know that there's something about them that makes them desirable.
Thunk: Do you still have them?
Bouldergeist: Er... Well, no. Does the name Mario mean anything to-
Thunk: You can't exist on my planet and not know the name Mario. Without him, we probably wouldn't exist.
Bouldergeist: ... How?
Thunk: ... I don't know.
Bouldergeist: ... Anyway. That Mario guy STOLE all six of my Power Stars. I hid one in the haunted house. Mario's BROTHER finds it and gives it to him! I gave one to the fastest Boo in the galaxy. He loses it in a race! I sealed one away using the Purple Comet. Mario finds enough purple coins necessary to retrieve it! I hid another Star in a part of the galaxy that was highly unstable and dangerous. He got that one too! I even defended two of the Power Stars personally, and Mario STILL got them!
Thunk: Yeah, he would do that.
DB: Who would do what?! I can't understand a thing!
Thunk: We're talking about how Mario took all the Power Stars from this galaxy.
DB: Ohhh. Well that's boring. Where's the random violence?!
(DB throws a Bomb Boo into other audience members, causing an explosion.)
DB: And that's why I'm never letting you host again, Thunk.
Thunk: But-
DB: Never. Again.
Bouldergeist: Why is he so violent?
Thunk: I'm not sure. I think he just likes being showered with attention.
(DB causes more trouble.)
Boo: Psycho!
DB: BLAHAH!
Bouldergeist: ... When does he stop?
Thunk: He usually tires out after a few hours.
Meanwhile...
Zed: Ugh. This is stupid. How can I just keep flying like this?!
(Hey, look!)
Zed: No. This story arc is horrible and going nowhere. I refuse to continue playing along with it.
(Oh. Well then. Zed comes into contact with a big, orangish, star-shaped object, getting entangled in it.)
Zed: Hey, what is this?!
(Thrashing around, the Launch Star would then... launch Zed at an extremely high speed in a different direction, smashing through pieces of space debris along the way.)
Zed: AUUUUUGHHHH! WHY MUST THIS BE?!
*****
DB: GYAR HAR!
Bomb Boo: Get that torch away from me!
Bouldergeist: Where did he get that torch?
Thunk: I'm not really sure.
Bouldergeist: Do we stop him?
Thunk: Nah, we're almost done anyway. Now, you were saying you were defeated by Mario.
Bouldergeist: Twice.
Thunk: How did he manage that? I see no visible weak points. You're entirely covered by those rocks!
Bouldergeist: Eh heh. That's another interesting story. One of my main methods to attack others is by telepathically throwing rocks at them. When I fought Mario, I pulled out rocks that are embedded in this platform we're standing on. When I threw them at him, he dodged most of them. And some of the rocks had Bomb Boos in them. He then-
Thunk: Wait wait wait. How did Bomb Boos manage to get into the rocks that were inside this platform?
Bouldergeist: When I pulled together all the dirt and stone together to make this little battlefield, a lot of Bomb Boos must have got pulled in by the rocks. I'm guessing they were encased in there until I pulled them out of the ground. Some coins were also sucked in, too.
Thunk: That all makes very little sense.
Bouldergeist: We're in the middle of outer space, and for some reason, this tiny rock platform has enough gravity to hold us firmly in place.
Thunk: Point taken.
Bouldergeist: Anyway, after the Bomb Boos were freed, Mario grabbed them by the tongues-
Thunk: Disgusting.
Bouldergeist: -and swung them into me so hard they exploded! Gradually, he destroyed my outer body until I was just my weak true form, at which point he hit me with another Bomb Boo. And then he repeated the process. And then I was defeated. It was pitiful.
Thunk: Wow. Well, I think it's about time we moved to the audience for questions.
(DB is still causing havoc in the audience.)
Thunk: ... Uh, sir?
(DB stops, turning to face Thunk.)
DB: Yeeeeeeeeeeees Thunk?
Thunk: Um... Would you like to pick the audience members for questions?
DB: ... Fiiiine. I think I've overdone the violence for one Interview anyway... All right, YOU! Question! NOW!
Boo: B-but-
DB: Ask. Your boss. A question.
Boo: Um... How come you lost against Mario the second time, Mr. Bouldergeist?
Bouldergeist: Because... I fought him the exact same way...
Thunk: What? Why?
Bouldergeist: Well, I used the same patterns and attacks, because there was a special comet passing through the galaxy, one that had the power to give me enough strength to fell Mario with one hit. I didn't think I'd need new techniques. Unfortunately... when Mario threw the Bomb Boos at me again... they were also equally powered up by the comet. So the explosions were just as devastating as the first fight.
Thunk: That sounds really farfetched.
Bouldergeist: I'm not lying. That comet does exist, and it did make that second fight all the more difficult for Mario.
DB: Stalling! You! Question!
Bomb Boo: How did you manage to survive being killed twice?
Bouldergeist: Well, it could be that I am a ghost, you dolt. And what's our motto?
All the Boos (except DB): Ghosts... Don't... Die!
DB: CAN YOU GET OUT OF HERE... ALIVE?!
(Silence.)
DB: ... Well that was strange. I'll just take this opportunity to ask a question. Are you still part of the Koopa Troop?
Thunk: How did you figure out he was part of the Koopa Troop? I thought you couldn't understand him...
DB: I forced the answers out of these... new friends of mine. And get me my answer!
Thunk: He wants to know if you still work for Bowser.
Bouldergeist: I lost all my Power Stars. The only thing from him we still have is that mansion. If Bowser ever really wants our help in the future, he’d better give us a good reason to help. Though I doubt we'll ever hear from him again.
DB: What'd he say?
Thunk: I think he said no, unless Bowser gives him something else.
DB: Oh. And the last question goes to...
(Screaming from far-off is heard.)
DB: Shut up, Zed! ... Wait.
Zed: AUUUUGGGGHH-
(Zed slams into the platform.)
DB: Zed! You made it back!
Thunk: Welcome to my Interview with Bouldergeist, little skeleton!
Bouldergeist: I remember you!
(Bouldergeist peels Zed off the platform.)
Zed: ... I... hate... space...
DB: Zed!
Zed: What?!
DB: Ask that big rock monster the last question!
Zed: Why?!
Thunk: We need to wrap this all up.
Zed: ... Grr.
(Zed takes a good look at Bouldergeist.)
Zed: Okay. What are your plans for the future?
DB: Aw, you asked the question everyone else asks when there's nothing left to talk about!
Thunk: He wants to know what you plan to do in the future.
Bouldergeist: Probably nothing too big. I'm fine where I am. No one bothers me, I don't bother them. It's as simple as that.
Thunk: All right, and we are done!
Bouldergeist: Hey, that was pretty fun, Thunk... Why is your purple friend attacking your green friend?
Thunk: It's normal.
DB: I MISSED YOU, ZEDDY!
Zed: STOP CHEWING ON MY EYE SOCKETS!
Thunk: ... Actually, Bouldergeist, I have a favor to ask.
Bouldergeist: Oh?
Thunk: Can you possibly get me and my friends home somehow? To our planet?
Bouldergeist: Hm... I think I might remember the general direction. Bring them over here!
Thunk: All right then. Excuse me, sir? Little skeleton?
DB: Eh?
Zed: What?
Thunk: Can you come over here for a second?
DB: Hm. Okay. That seems perfectly harmless.
Zed: Ow. OW! You're dragging me by my eye sockets!
Bouldergeist: All grouped together?
Indeed, the three are standing very close to each other.
Thunk: Yes we are.
Zed: ... Thunk, what's going on?
Bouldergeist: Okay. See ya around, Thunk!
Thunk: Take care, Bouldergeist!
(Bouldergeist winds up and releases a massive punch, launching DB, Zed, and Thunk into space. Now leaving Thunk's perspective...)
DB: YEEEOOOWW!
Zed: THUNK!
Thunk: What?
DB: What did you do?!
Thunk: I got us way home!
Zed: By getting us punched?!
Thunk: It not so bad.
DB: I think I'm bleeding again!
Zed: This better take us back home, Thunk. I have some things to catch up on!
(Oh! That reminds me! DB!)
DB: What?!
(Zed said he has a mansion!)
DB: Huh?!
Thunk: No way!
DB: You liar!
Zed: No. I really do.
(That's not even the best part! He said he has a girlfriend too!)
DB: BAH HAH HAH HAH!
Thunk: HUR HUR HUR HUR!
Zed: Laugh all you want, but at least I'm the only one here who can maintain a healthy, steady relationship.
Thunk: Sure.
DB: Whatever helps you sleep at night, Zed.
Zed: You know, she COULD kill the two of you.
DB: Don't count on it, Zed. She'd have to exist first.
Thunk: BURN!
(DB and Thunk try to high-five, but fail.)
Zed: One of these days... You'll see...
DB: ... Just so we're clear, that's not a foreshadow to a new character, right?
Zed: Of course not. I would never make her suffer through all your idiocy.
DB: Good. Three characters is enough around here.
Thunk: Thunk still hungry.
DB: Well Thunk, all we can do now... is wait.
Several hours later…
DB: Oh! I almost forgot! End transmission!
Zed: ... Was that REALLY necessar-
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