(Norbert, Dagget, Yoko Dan, and Peach are walking through the entrance to the Underwhere.)
Yoko Dan: Where are we going?
Norbert: Underwhere.
Peach: We're going to someone's underpants?!
Norbert: We're going to the Underwhere!
Dagget: What makes this guy's bloomers so special?
Norbert: Look, it's NOT a pair of unmentionables, all right? It's a place.
Yoko Dan: Well what's that?
(He points toward a heavenly light.)
Norbert: Overthere.
Yoko Dan: Yeah; what's over there?
Norbert: No, Overthere.
Dagget: Exactly! We want to know what's over there!
Norbert: Overthere!
Peach: What's over where?
Norbert: No, that's Underwhere.
Yoko Dan: We're going to someone's underpants?
Norbert: ARGH!
(They eventually make it into the Underwhere - eventually because this idiotic rambling continued for roughly thirty minutes. They reach Queen Shayde, Norbert bowing.)
Norbert: I am sorry to disturb you, my lady, but we're here to interview someone who recently passed on.
Queen Shayde: I see. And who is this someone?
Norbert: Dimentio.
Peach: I thought you guys were gonna interview Rosalina.
(Dan, Dagget, and Norbert look at each other a little nervously.)
Peach: ... What did you do?
*FLASHBACK*
(Dan is making fun of Rosalina while Norbert and Dagget laugh.)
Yoko Dan: WAAHHHH!!! MY MOM SLEEPS UNDER A TREEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Rosalina: (crying hysterically) YOU GUYS ARE JERKS!
Yoko Dan: Aw, is the little baby gonna cry? Why don't you go cryin' home to your mother? Oh, that's right, YOU DON'T HAVE ONE BECAUSE SHE'S SLEEPING UNDER A TREE!
(Rosalina runs off crying, the two brothers still laughing uncontrollably.)
*END FLASHBACK*
Peach: I can't BELIEVE you would do this!
(Dan raises an eyebrow to Peach.)
Peach: … Okay, YOU I can believe. But I thought Norbert had standards!
Norbert: Okay, I'll admit I MAY have taken it a bit too... fa... BAH HA HA HA HA HA HAH! OH MAN, did you see her face?! That was PRICELESS!
(Norbert and Dagget do a low-five to Dan, while Peach continues fuming.)
Queen Shayde: A-HEM! Do you want the psycho-jester or not?
Norbert: *wipes a tear from his eye* Yeah… yeah, we'll take him. Where is he?
(A small portion of reality suddenly becomes distorted, visible as a blurred spot in the air. It soon stabilizes and what can only be described as an individual resembling a jester manifests into existence. He floats silently for a few seconds, then slowly descends and lands softly on his feet. He laughs, taking a bow.)
Dimentio: So we meet again, like two burly dinosaurs with terrible indigestion!
Yoko Dan: That's quite the entrance. You must be Dimentio.
Dimentio: Ah ha ha ha ha. Of course! You came here to interview me, if I'm not mistaken... So let's get on with the show!
(Dimentio snaps his fingers, reality distorting before the Underwhere is changed to resemble an Interview studio. The usual audience appears, looking around in confusion. He then notices Peach, who is still... well, fuming.)
Dimentio: Your nostrils, they flare out like the hood of a hissing cobra!
Dagget: Eh, don't pay her any mind. She's just mad because we picked on Rosalina. Heheh. That WAS funny, wasn't it?
Yoko Dan: Very. Hey, you think she ran off to see Cinderella?
Norbert: BAH HA HA HA-
(Lightning flies down from above, nearly striking the trio. Peach's eyes seem to hold fire, a little vein currently visible on her forehead. Dan just sits there quietly as everyone is in shock; one of the audience members coughs to break the silence.)
Dagget: That was nuts! So how old are you, exactly?
Dimentio: I don't even know anymore... But I'm at least 1,726.
Yoko Dan: Could you name a few of the ancient civilizations' downfalls that you are responsible for?
Dimentio: Atlantis, the Aztecs, the Mayans, the Romans, and Kablekastahn.
Peach: I've never heard of Kablekastahn.
Dimentio: Exactly.
Norbert: What is your idea of a perfect world?
(The camera begins to slowly zoom in on Dimentio as he speaks, the light slowly dimming as he goes on.)
Dimentio: Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha. My idea of a perfect world is simple... All shall know true joy and happiness by adhering to my strict rule of their adorably pathetic lives. Life, dreams, hope, love... I will eliminate these meaningless things. All will accept me as their God as I rule all of reality, collecting the souls of the fallen as they perish - torturing those whom I most despise slowly and painfully for all of eternity, crushing ALL who dare stand in my way of complete and total existential genocide and conquest!
(There is a long silence. Eventually Peach breaks the ice.)
Peach: You're crazy. You know that?
Dimentio: SAYS YOU - and several other psychiatric profesionals, but that's beside the point!
Yoko Dan: Did you get your powers from Count Bleck like Mimi and O'Chunks, or did you already have them?
Dimentio: I've always had my powers.
Dagget: Was there anything you wanted to say before fighting Mario and company, but couldn't because they wanted that E rating?
Dimentio: Yes. "I will rend the flesh from your bones, killing you is only a start... There will be songs written about the beauty of the pain I am about to inflict upon you all!"
Norbert: Epic.
Dimentio: I certainly think so.
Peach: What were you going to do if Mario and Luigi had agreed to join you?
Dimentio: Plant Floro Sprouts on them, of course! Why have them join me and risk eventual betrayal when I can simply control their every action and thought completely?
Dagget: Just like Wal-Mart!
Yoko Dan: Good point. So what have you been up to since your defeat?
Dimentio: I'm still heading my company, Evil Corp. Roll the clip!
*COMMERCIAL*
(A Koopa Troopa is walking along a path.)
Hey you!
Koopa Troopa: Who, me?
Yes, you! Have you ever wanted to take over the world?
Koopa Troopa: Yeah.
Have you ever wanted to destroy things?
Koopa Troopa: Totally.
Have you ever wished you could teach that jerkwad from the second grade a lesson he will never forget?
Koopa Troopa: OHHH yeah!
Are you just not a very nice person?
Koopa Troopa: It's like you're reading my mind!
Then shop at Evil Corp! Here at Evil Corp, we provide the artifacts, tools, devices, and other such things villains desire to aid them in world conquest and/or destruction!
But don't take MY word for it - just ask these satisfied customers!
Grodus: I used to be a simple computer that was used by some overweight human to play Solitaire.. But ever since I shopped at Evil Corp, my evil productivity has gone up 700 percent! Now look at me - I'm the robot leader of a race of moon men bent on world conquest!
Popple: Evil Corp. set me up with my first Burglar's Kit... Ah, the memories!
Bowser: Ever wonder where I get all my Clown Copters? Evil Corp! They even offer a huge discount on tune-ups for returning customers! They're also where I got my three Reactors you see during the events of Super Mario Galaxy.
Didn't you also have a Robot Reactor?
Bowser: Nah- Ludwig made that one.
So what're you waiting for? Come on down to Evil Corp. today!
Evil Corp: If it exists, we'll destroy it.
*END COMMERCIAL*
Yoko Dan: ... You mean I've been doing villainy the hard way?
Dagget: Seems like it.
Yoko Dan: @#$%!
Dimentio: I didn't know you spoke Shroob.
Peach: He doesn't. He was cursing.
Dimentio: Oh.
Norbert: Where do you think you went wrong with your plan to destroy all of existence, then recreate it with yourself as its all-powerful, undisputed ruler?
Dimentio: Ah ha ha ha ha. I didn't know that prophecy could be undone. But even so, I can very easily return. The Light Prognosticus itself states that even if I was defeated, the Dark Prognosticus and The Void would just be pushed into the future at an unknown and uncertain point and time.
Peach: What will you do if and when that time comes?
Dimentio: If you're all still alive at that time, I'll kill you before attempting my plan again.
Dagget: Glad I wasn't involved... So your Catch Card brings up a pretty decent question- DO psycho-jesters get good benefits?
Dimentio: We get dental and chiropractic.
Yoko Dan: Those are pretty good. Do you have any relation to Harley Quinn from Wario's Woods?
Dimentio: No.
Peach: Questions from the audience. Seat L-Power.
Luigi: Why was I the perfect host for the Chaos Heart?
Dimentio: Your jealousy for your brother's fame and success.
Norbert: Seat 28.
Daisy: W-
Dimentio: Seat 217.
Daisy: B-
Yoshi: Yoshi want know why Dimentio care so much about magic.
Dimentio: Simple, short-armed one. I am a magician and like to entertain!
Dagget: Seat 95.
Dr. Robotnik: Did you really write the Dark Prognosticus?
Dimentio: Yes.
Yoko Dan: Seat $.
Wario: How does your killing-a magic work?
Dimentio: Magic.
Wario: It seems-a so obvious now that you say it...
Yoko Dan: Well, it was nice having you, Dimentio.
Dagget: Yeah. I'm surprised you didn't try to kill anyone!
Norbert, Peach, and Dan: NO, YOU FOOL!
(Dimentio raises his hands into the air, a magical field surrounding everything. He laughs.)
Dimentio: Ciao!
(He snaps his fingers.)
*BOOM*
End Transmission.
Whoops! You're not logged in! |