Author: *GASP!* INTERVIEW 30! I have to do something special, random and weird! Then think of a new sub-plot… I GOT IT!
(The author uses some kind of holy author power to summon Luigi to the studio. Joshua clonks him on the head with his wand.)
Joshua: “Clonks”?
(… Shut up.)
Luigi?: I AM THE GREEN THUNDER!
(Luigi super-jumps up off-screen, and when he comes down, he’s in his Mr. L costume.)
Record Player: The man in green, the man in green, Mr. L!
Joshua: …
Mr. L: The Green Thunder wishes to know if your refrigerator is running.
Shadow Queen: Isn’t that Dark Koopa’s joke?
Joshua: And when am I ever going to meet Dark Koopa?
(Dark Koopa appears through a wormhole and kicks Joshua in the backside. He lands on his head.)
SQ: …
Joshua?: I AM THE BLUE BOLT!
(Joshua also super-jumps somehow and when he comes down, he is in a similar costume, but his hat has a backwards ‘J’ and where Mr. L is green, he’s blue.)
Joshua’s iPod: The teen in blue, the teen in blue, Mr. J!
SQ: … Just when I thought this couldn’t get any more random.
Lord Crump: My turn! My turn! I AM THE X-NAUTICAL HERO!
(Lord Crump super-jumps… but does not come down. He gets stuck in the ceiling. His stubby little legs flail pathetically.)
Mr. J: TO THE INTERVIEW!!!
Inferno: … We’re already in the studio.
Mr. J: … Excellent. Welcome, pathetic audience, to the Blue Bolt’s Interview Show!
Audience: …
Mr. J: Cheer or die.
Audience: WHOOOOOOOOO!!!
Mr. J: That was pitiful. Sisbot?
(A large robot that looks like Katie busts through the wall.)
Mr. J: Behold, my metal sis!
(He jumps in it and a large blade comes out of its hand. Then he uses it to slice ‘n’ dice the first row, including a Mexican Toad.)
First Row: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Mexican Toad: Ay-ay-ay!
Mr. J: …
Inferno: Ah, the first massacre since we’ve got back to LL. Bliss. MOSH PIT!
(He jumps into one of the audience blocks, and his flaming body kills all of them except Efreet, the Summon Spirit of Fire from Tales of Symphonia, who is there for no reason.)
Inferno: Hi Efreet.
Efreet: Hi Inferno.
Katie: … How many of Shady Parakoopa’s jokes are we going to use in this Interview?
King Boo: I think the concept of “Mr. J” makes up for it.
(King Boo gives the thumbs-up to the author, even though he doesn’t have them…)
Petey Piranha: Suck up.
SQ: I'd better get my boyfriend back after this.
Author: Stop complaining. I can’t imagine why you’re so annoyed.
Mr. J: ENOUGH! The Blue Bolt demands that we begin the Interview! Why did Nastasia’s hypnosis completely change your personality, instead of just making you loyal to Bleck?
Mr. L: The Green Thunder suggests that you ask Nastasia about this, but he believes that it had something to do with the fact that “the man in green would stand against him” was said in the Dark Prognosticus.
Mr. J: What did you think of your comrades and Count Bleck?
Mr. L: O’Chunks exuded a foul stench, and was my least favouite. Mimi was a brat, but a fashionable brat, much like the Green Thunder, except he is not a brat! THE GREEN THUNDER STRIKES LIKE LIGHTNING!!! Dimentio was crazy, not like the Green Thunder!
Katie: Yeah, referring to yourself as “the Green Thunder”, dressing like that, and calling a robot your brother isn’t crazy at all.
Mr. L: … Nastasia was kinda cute, and Count Bleck is supreme! HE WILL ALWAYS BE SUPREME!
Katie: … Why is that robot still here?
(The Sisbot kills another row of the audience, made up entirely of French Toads.)
French Toad: Sacre bleu!
Another French Toad: Mon Dieu!
Mr. J: Why not? Good security.
Katie: … How’d he even build it?
Techno Guy: We’ve had it since you got here.
Katie: … Why?
TG: Just in case you turned nasty.
Katie: …
Mr. J: Well, time for the J Roulette!
Katie: Isn’t it J.C.?
Mr. J: No… Spin! … The victim is… The X-Naut PhD there!
Katie: … %*^&.
Mr. J: And your punishment is… Play Super Mario Sunshine for 18 hours without taking a break!
Katie: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
(The Sisbot drops the equipment needed to play the game. Unfortunately for Katie, this does not include patience.)
Katie: A fate worse than death.
Mr. J: MWAHAHAHAHA! It’s a fate WORSE than a fate worse than death!
Katie: A fate worse than a fate worse than death? That’s pretty baaaaad…
Venomoth: Has Master lost it?
Medicham: Did he ever HAVE it?
Steelix: … I’m seriously beginning to wonder about that myself.
Mr. J: So, Mr. L, why did you have unlimited Shroom Shakes when you fought Mario?
Mr. L: I did what Hammer Bros. do. I used the Strange Sack to increase my capacity. Then Dimentio, Mimi, and the Count gave me a little dimension-flipping power which I used on it, so it would replenish itself when it was running low. My item bag would flip back to the castle, and some minions would fill it back up.
Mr. J: Clever… So, when did you invent Brobot?
Mr. L: I know. Well, I fought Mario just a few hours after I became me, so the Count flipped me to a different dimension where time moves more slowly. That gave me more time to invent him. I’d say it took me about 6 months in our time to make him. However, as time moves more slowly in that dimension, I didn’t age.
(Everyone except Mr. J, Katie and Mr. L look like their brains have exploded, and drool starts running down the sides of their faces. Inferno and Scorch’s evaporates immediately.)
Mr. J: Fascinating… This Count seems like a cool guy. I’d like to meet him one day.
Katie: WHY?! WHY CAN’T I JUST DIE?!
Mr. L: Ask your next question!
Mr. J: How did you get through the Whoa Zone without unlocking any doors?
Mr. L: Dimentio flipped me in. Then I summoned Brobot with a remote control and he burst through dimensions with his nose. More of the Count’s doing.
Shady: Wow, this guy’s long-winded.
Mr. J: I think he’s cool!
Princess Shroob: (sarcastically) Surprise, surprise.
Mr. J: … The Blue Bolt thinks now would be a good time to have the Sisbot kill another row of audience members.
(He does so.)
Mr. J: Ah, violence. Anyways, Green Thunder, why did you adopt that nickname?
Mr. L: Well, my element is electricity and I like the color green.
Mr. J: How did you know your element was electricity?
Mr. L: Believe it or not, I do know of Luigi’s existence. I retained most of his memories, except of Mario. I remembered the Thunder Temple and getting the Thunderhand in the Beanbean Kingdom. For some reason though, I can’t use it.
Mr. J: Weird. I can. Paper Joshua 2.
(Mr. J uses the Thunderhand.)
Mr. L: … I believe it has something to do with the fact that the Count didn’t want me too powerful, just in case I turned against him.
Steelix: (using the voice of that guy from Monty Python) And now for something completely different.
(All of Joshua’s Interview Crew, even the ones that don’t have legs, appear on a stage and start singing “Money Money” by Pink Floyd and dancing the Can-Can, even the ones that don’t have legs, somehow.)
Audience: …
(The Sisbot kills another row.)
Audience: Uh, we mean “Whoooooooo!”
Mr. J: … Yes… So, the Blue Bolt now wishes to know why the audience is even here.
Shadow Queen: Target practise!
(She takes out an AK-47 and mows down Block 3. There’s a knock on the door of the studio.)
???: Police! Random dead body search!
Joshua’s Crew and Mr. L: &*(^!!!
(A Police Toad walks in.)
Police Toad: Ha ha, just kidding, I’m just late to the-
(He notices all the corpses.)
Police Toad: Oh boy.
Mr. J: He knows too much!
(Dimentio flips himself and the Police Toad into another dimension. Through the rift, we hear the Police Toad screaming. Then he stops and Dimentio comes back. He burps.)
Everyone: 0_0
Dimentio: What?
Mr. J: I like his style! Where’d you get the outfit?
Mr. L: Nastasia and Mimi made it for me. They had some minions help, that’s how they did it so quickly.
Mr. J: And now it’s time for the Super Number Randomizer! RANDOMIZE!
Dimentio: I’M OUT OF A JOB?!
Katie: So… much… Sunshine… So… poor… controls…
Inferno: I think you can stay, D.
Mr. J: Block 4, Row 5, Seat 8!
Dry Bones: Couldn’t you think of a better excuse than “de-flavorizing the Brobot’s flavorizer” to leave the castle to fight Mario’s group in the destroyed Sammer’s Kingdom?
Mr. L: I’m not great at thinking on my feet.
Mr. J: RANDOMIZE! Block 6, Row 6, Seat 6!
That Same Dark Paratroopa from a Couple of Interviews Back: Why did Shadoo take your form when he fought Mario’s group and not Luigi’s?
Mr. L: Because the Green Thunder is much cooler than his alter-ego, Luigi!
TSDPfaCoIB: … I see. I’m leaving now.
(He does so.)
Shadow Queen: I can’t place it but there’s something familiar about him.
Mr. J: No one cares. Final question. RANDOMIZE! Block 0, Row 0, Seat 4!
Shady: … Any reason that thing has our seats on it?
Mr. J: (demonically) ASK A QUESTION, PUNY PARATROOPA!
Shady: … Well, I just wet my shell.
(Everyone steps away from Shady.)
Shady: … You thought you were better than Count Bleck’s other associates. Why?
Mr. L: Well, it’s because I was. Let’s face it. Mimi was a spoiled brat, O’Chunks was big, slow, and dumb, Nastasia’s accent was annoying, and Dimentio… Well, let’s face it, he was insane, AND he was plotting against the Count all along. Not cool.
Author: Now, to restore Joshua. HOLY AUTHOR POWER!
(Mr. J becomes Joshua again.)
Joshua: Shame, I was beginning to enjoy that.
Author: Exactly.
Joshua: … Hey, Mr. L, wanna join the crew?
Mr. L: Well, it’s not like I have anything better to do.
Joshua: Sweet. End Transmission!
Katie: WHY?! WHY MUST I BE CURSED TO BE HIS SISTER?!
(END TRANSMISSION)
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