Ludwig is in his lab, mixing together chemicals.
Ludwig: My genius is unmatched in field und town. Hmmph! Zey think zey can banish Ludwig von Koopa. Zey are mistaken. NOW, MY-
Wendy: LUDWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG!
The chemicals blow up in his face. Wendy marches in, in all the majesty of her fashionable wrath.
Ludwig: ARRRRRRRGH!
Wendy: LUDWIG! Don’t TELL me you haven’t CHANGED!
Ludwig: Err- vhat?
Wendy: EURGH! You mean you’re going to go in that same dirty green shell?!
Ludwig: Vhat’s wrong vith it?
Wendy: I’ll tell you vhat’s- what’s wrong with it! LOOK, loser, do you even REALIZE what DAY this is?!
Ludwig: Monday.
Wendy: ... Lucky guess, but THAT’S NOT THE POINT! Daddy’s taking us with him to kidnap the princess! Do you REALIZE the last time we did that?!
Ludwig: Oh, yeah...
--FLASHBACK--
Bowser: KIDS! I just got the best idea! We’re going to bulldoze the kingdom, build hotels, and capture the princess!
Koopalings: WHATEVER, KING DAD...
Later...
Bowser: MARIO DEFEATED YOU ALL?! THAT MEANS THIS IS YOUR FAULT!
Ludwig: But he defeated you too-
Bowser: SHUT UP AND GO TO YOUR ROOMS! AND STAY THERE!
Wendy: Until when?
Bowser: UNTIL I GET ANOTHER GREAT IDEA!
--END FLASHBACK--
Ludwig: Oh, yeah. And zat vas back in 1994, too.
Wendy: DUH, LOSER! Now are you gonna CHANGE, or do I have to MAKE you?!
Ludwig: Vhy do I have to change? Zhere’s no room for improvement vith me...
Wendy: Yes, zhere is- I mean- Oh, for the love of- DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING MYSELF?!
Wendy rips off Ludwig’s shell.
Ludwig: HEY!
Wendy: Green is SO yesteryear! This’ll match your hair!
She whips out a bottle of blue paint from her shell.
Ludwig: NO! ZHAT’S A CLASSIC EDITION!
Wendy: (painting haphazardly) SHUT UP!
Ludwig: BUT- BUT-
Wendy: There! What do you think?
Ludwig: Vell-
Wendy: You know what, I don’t care what you think.
She sticks it back on him.
Wendy: Too good for mortal eyes.
Ludwig: AIEEEEEE! VET PAINT!
Wendy marches out.
Wendy: IGGY, GET OUT HERE!
Iggy: (muffled) WHAT?!
Wendy: I SAID GET OUT HERE!
Iggy: IT’S A BAD YEAR?!
Wendy: WELL, YEAH, BUT GET OUT HERE!
Iggy: BELLS SAY YOU SHOULD DRINK BEER?!
Wendy: GET OUT HERE!
Iggy: Sheesh. You don’t have to yell.
Iggy comes out, and is immediately pinned to the ground by Wendy’s candy rings.
Iggy: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Wendy: Wimp. Anyways, don’t TELL me you’re going out like that!
Iggy: What are you talking about?
Wendy: Did you all FORGET, or something?! Daddy’s taking us to kidnap the princess and fight Mario!
Iggy: Oh, yeah. It has been a while since we got the princess.
Wendy: Yeah, and you can’t go out looking like that!
Iggy: Why not? What’s wrong with rainbow hair?
Wendy: You need to make a good impression! We’re not the OLD Koopalings of the 1990s! We are the NEW AND IMPROVED Koopalings! Of the TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY!
Iggy: *sniffle* Like that’ll make a difference to King Dad.
--FLASHBACK--
Wendy: I’m SOOOOOOOOOO bored!
A giant sword hits the castle.
Koopalings: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Boomer: Hi, I’m here to take over the castle and force your minions to do my will, so I’m afraid I’m going to have to seal you in your rooms for all eternity.
Later...
Iggy: King Dad! You’re back! You can let us out!
Bowser: Nah.
And Later...
Bowser: KIDS! I’m going to kidnap the princess and turn the paintings of her castle into worlds for my minions.
Iggy: Great, you can let us out!
Bowser: No, but I’ll let you know how it goes.
And Later...
Bowser: KIDS! I’m going to use the fabled Star Rod to lift the castle into the air and kidnap the princess!
Wendy: That means we can come out?
Bowser: No.
--END FLASHBACK--
Wendy: Yeah, that was depressing. And that’s not counting all those parties, golf tournaments, and races he attended without us. So we need to change our looks, look like new! To make a good impression.
Iggy: Uh... but what should I change? I look fine.
Wendy: As if. Your hair is so messy and ugly, and rainbow colors are out.
Iggy: But then I look like Lemmy!
Wendy: You don’t want to look like LEMMY!
Iggy: No?
Wendy: Nerd, you don’t even have your own identity!
Iggy: Huh?
Wendy: You and Lemmy- Rainbow hair! You’re just the tall one with glasses to everyone-
Iggy: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! NO! NO!
Wendy: Yes, it’s true! Just the tall one with glasses!
Iggy: NO MORE! NO MORE!
Wendy: THE TALL ONE WITH GLASSES!
Iggy: STOP IT! PLEASE!
Wendy: NOW GET SOME HAIR GEL AND MAKE YOURSELF YOUR OWN PERSON!
Iggy: RIGHT! WAHAHAHAHHAHAHAW!
Wendy unpins him, and he runs into Ludwig’s lab.
Iggy: Got hair gel?
Ludwig: Do I look like I have hair gel?
Back with Wendy...
Wendy: He fell for it, the deranged lunatic nerd…
Wendy proceeds into Lemmy’s room, where Lemmy is balancing on his ball.
Lemmy: Hey, get out of my-
Wendy: SHUT UP AND GET OFF THE BALL, YOU TINY FREAK!
Lemmy: FYI, I’m older than you.
Wendy: BUT I’M STRONGER, PRETTIER, AND WAAAAAAAAY BIGGER!
Lemmy: Not by much-
Wendy hurls a candy ring at Lemmy’s ball. It pops and he falls to the ground.
Lemmy: OWWWW! What’s the big deal?!
Wendy: Are you all DEAF or something?! KING DAD IS TAKING US TO KIDNAP THE PRINCESS!
Lemmy: He is?
Wendy: You are all so CLUELESS!
Lemmy: You mean he’s not using !!THAT LITTLE BRAT!! Junior?
Wendy: Tell me about it. I HATE that little thing!
--FLASHBACK--
Bowser: Kids! You can come out of your rooms now!
Wendy: KING DAD! It’s been AGES! You have a new idea?
Bowser: Nope, I’ve got a new kid.
Bowser Jr: WAAAAAAAAAH!
Lemmy: MY EARS!
Iggy: THEY BURN!
Ludwig: TURN IT OFF!
Jr: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Wendy: WHAT IS THIS?!
Bowser: This is Bowser Junior, and he’s going to be as evil as I am!
Wendy: BUT WHAT ABOUT US?! YOU CAN STILL USE US!
Iggy: WE’LL GUARD YOUR CASTLES, WE’LL KIDNAP THE PRINCESS, WE’LL BUILD STINKIN’ HOTELS FOR-
Jr: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Iggy: WILL YOU TURN THAT THING OFF?!
Bowser: Back to your rooms, former offspring! Just wanted to show you the new and improved Koopaling!
Koopalings: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Later...
Bowser: HEY, KIDS! COME ON OUT!
Wendy: KING DAD! You finally wised up and decided to use US!
Bowser: Nope, me and Junior are going off to a tropical paradise to kidnap the princess!
Jr: You big, bad people can stay here!
Lemmy: YOU SHUT UP!
Bowser: You can’t talk to your superior like that!
Wendy: SUPERIOR?! HE’S YOUNGER THAN US!
Bowser: Yeah, but better.
Jr: Come on, Daddy, let’s save Mama Peach!
Wendy: MAMA PEACH?!
Bowser: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!
Lemmy: AT LEAST LET US LEAVE THE CASTLE!
Bowser: Sorry, can’t hear you!
--END FLASHBACK--
Lemmy: I HATE THAT BRAT!
Wendy: Yeah, but Junior never changes! He’s just the same old !!LITTLE BRAT!! he always was. We’ll change our looks, look like new... minions...
Lemmy: Oh, come on. When have I ever cared about how I look? Me and Iggy-
Wendy: Not anymore. Iggy’s changing his hair. You have new, separate identities. NO MORE TWIN STUFF!
Lemmy: YOU’VE CORRUPTED IGGY?!
Wendy: Rainbow is good on you, I agree. But we need some... Hmm... GOT IT!
Lemmy: What?
Wendy grabs the back of his hair, and yanks hard. Quickly she pins it into place.
Lemmy: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOWTCH!
Wendy: Now that looks nice!
A ponytail has been created.
Lemmy: IT BURNS!
Wendy: I’d suggest an orange shell, too. Green is SO yesteryear.
Lemmy: GET OUT OF MY ROOM RIGHT NOW!
Wendy: SOOO UNAPPRECIATED!
Wendy marches out of Lemmy’s room and into Roy’s. He is whacking a punching bag.
Roy: What duh-
The punching bag hits him and he flies across the room.
Wendy: Geek. Anyways, you need a new look too.
Roy: Owch...
Wendy: Hmm... Pink is not your color.
Roy: Ootch...
Wendy: Agreed, Roy. So let’s give you a purple shell.
She rips off his shell and begins painting it.
Roy: ARGH! HEY!
Wendy: There we go. Nearly as cute as I am.
She whacks it back on him.
Roy: YEOW! WET PAINT! WHY, I OUGHTA-
Wendy: YOU WOULDN’T HIT A GIRL, WOULD YOU?!
Roy: What?
She whacks him across the room and walks out.
Wendy: LARRY!
Iggy comes out. His hair is now green and oddly shaped, like water coming from a geyser.
Wendy: WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR?!
Iggy: Well, I thought it was hair gel.
Ludwig: I TOLD YOU IT VUSN’T HAIR GEL!
Wendy: Well, whatever. It’s better than old rainbow, anyways. Where’s Larry?
Iggy: King Dad took him to the dentist. He had some cavities and King Dad said- “NO SON OF MINE, UNWORTHY AS HE IS, IS GOING TO FIGHT THOSE PLUMBERS WITH ROTTING TEETH!” That’s what he said.
Wendy: Um, what dentist accepts Koopas?
Iggy: Actually, I think he just stuck him in a chair and let Kamek look for cavities.
Wendy: Oh.
A loud scream is heard.
Ludwig: Vhat about you, Wendy? Aren’t you going vith a new look?
Wendy: Of COURSE! You think I’m gonna stick with THIS old shell? As IF! But I’ve taken it upon myself to help you all out, and, you know, family first!
Ludwig: How nice of you.
Wendy: I know. How about Morton?
Iggy: What are you going to change with Morton?
Wendy: I don’t know, but you can bet it’ll be good.
Iggy: Um, have you looked at him recently? He’s the youngest- well, besides Larry and Junior- and he’s bigger than Roy!
Wendy: Koopas grow over time.
Iggy: Not Junior.
Wendy: He’s a baby. But did you get a glimpse of him in that LAST plot?
>>FLASHBACK<<
Bowser: KIDS, I’M GOING OUT!
Wendy: IS IT ANOTHER STUPID PLOT?!
Jr: Ha! No way! This is an AWESOME plot! We’re lifting Mama- I mean, Princess Peach’s castle into space! And Daddy’s going to build his own galaxy and we’re going to-
Wendy: HOLD THE PHONE! WHAT’S GOING ON?!
Junior is now huge, bigger than all of the Koopalings.
Bowser: Well, I thought it was time Junior got into the business of size-changing.
Iggy: You’re kidding me.
>>FLASHBACK WITHIN A FLASHBACK<<
Bowser: Time to go to Isle Delfino!
Kamek: Yessir, good luck, Master Bowser.
Bowser: You know, puny Magikoopa, I think I’ll need some extra punch for this fight.
Kamek: Sir, you have a giant, poisonous bathtub. If the plumber even approaches-
Bowser: Yeah, but look, underling. How do I look, huge as I am, in that sort of bathtub?
Kamek: Um, tiny, sir.
Bowser: SO MAKE ME HUGE!
Kamek: Yessir. This may pinch a bit.
>>END FLASHBACK WITHIN A FLASHBACK<<
Iggy: King Dad, no matter how big you are, Mario will always-
Bowser: Nuh-uh. I’m not size-changing this time, Junior is. If he’s holding Peachy hostage, he’s gotta be-
Jr: Big!
Iggy: You know this isn’t gonna work.
Bowser: Oh, yes, it will. I mean, I’m already married to her.
Iggy: Oh, yeah.
>>ANOTHER FLASHBACK WITHIN A FLASHBACK<<
Bowser: Will I marry Peach? Are you kidding me? The answer’s YESSSSSSSS!
Count Bleck: Peach... Noble princess, pure of heart... Do you take Bowser to be your lawfully wedded husband ‘til your games be over?
Peach: Now, wait just a second! You will explain to me what is going on... RIGHT NOW!
Count Bleck: Bleh heh heh heh heh... Is it not obvious? This is your wedding, Princess!
Peach: But... why in the WORLD am I marrying Bowser?!
Bowser: Bwah ha ha! No gripes from THIS side of the altar, Bleck old boy! I don’t get the details, but the count here has gone to a lot of trouble planning this! Just relax! We’ll get married, we’ll be in love, it’ll be awesome! Finally!
Wendy: HEY! We don’t need another flashback within a flashback, thank you very much.
>>END FLASHBACK WITHIN A FLASHBACK<< >>END FLASHBACK<<
Iggy: But that flashback was completely irrelevant to everything else.
Wendy: Er, yeah, but my point is, Junior stays small without magic.
Ludwig: Ve vere discussing Morton, I believe.
Iggy: Yeah, how he’s big n’ stuff. WITHOUT MAGIC.
Wendy: So?
Iggy: He might knock you across the room if you pull off his shell.
Wendy: Morton wouldn’t do that! He’s a wimp!
Ludwig: Try him.
Wendy: Um, maybe I’ll do Larry first. LARRY!
Larry crawls into the hall.
Larry: The pain...
Wendy: ARE YOU CALLING MY VOICE SHRILL?!
Larry: Um, yes, but I meant Kamek’s dentistry...
Larry lifts his head to show he is missing two teeth.
Ludwig: HOLY GOOMBAS!
Wendy: You just made that up.
Ludwig: Pretty much.
Larry: What are you all yelling about?
Wendy: YOU IDIOTS! We’re going to KIDNAP THE PRINCESS and FIGHT MARIO! Dad got us our own fortresses and EVERYTHING! WANDS TOO!
Larry: Wands too?
Wendy: I ALREADY SAID THAT! And you want to go without changing your look AT ALL?!
Larry: I can’t believe he’s trusting us, after-
>>FLASHBACK<<
Bowletta: MINIONS OF BOWSER, UNITE AT MY HAND!
Lemmy: King Dad, is that you?
Bowletta: What’s this?
Wendy (present): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! END THIS, TOO PAINFUL!
>>END FLASHBACK<<
Wendy: ENOUGH OF THAT! CHANGE! NOW!
Larry: I just lost two teeth, isn’t that enough?
Wendy: Nope. You need a blue shell like Ludwig. Ludwig, you can get him one.
Ludwig: Um, all right.
Wendy: That’ll be good. You just need a blue, star-shaped tattoo. Iggy?
Iggy: Yes, ma’am. WAHAHAHAHAAHEEHEEHEEHAAAAWHAHAAAW!
Larry: Wait, no-
He is dragged off.
Ludwig: Where in the world did you get ze idea of a star-shaped-
Wendy: Now, let me see. Ludwig has a new shell, Iggy’s got new hair, Lemmy’s got a ponytail and a new shell, Roy has a less girly shell, and Larry’s getting a makeover. What else, what else...
Lemmy walks out, with a new orange shell and a ponytail.
Lemmy: Tell me this is enough.
Wendy: Fine, fine, but what about Morton?
Lemmy: What about him?
Wendy: Morton, Morton... That’s it! Morton’s getting a complete makeover! We’ll change the brown to pink and his shell will be a bright red; we’ll take away that nasty star on his eye-
Bowser: KIDS, WE’RE LEAVING!
Wendy: WHAT?!
Bowser: What?
Wendy: BUT I DIDN’T EVEN GET TO CHANGE MY LOOKS! OR MORTON’S!
Bowser: Too bad. KIDS, ASSEMBLE!
Larry is dragged in by Iggy, with a new blue shell and tattoo. They are followed by Morton and Roy, the latter of which glares at Wendy.
Bowser: What happened to you kids?!
Wendy: You NOTICED! Well-
Bowser: You know, I don’t even care. Junior, pass out wands.
Jr: Wands, wands, wands, wands...
Iggy: Where’d you get wands?
Bowser: Well-
>>FLASH-
Wendy: NO, WE’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THOSE! So water we doing? ... Heh-heh, get it? Water? What’re? See-
Bowser: Right, I’ve gained control of a good deal of the kingdom, as usual, and built you ingrates fortresses. Barry, you get the grasslands right outside the Mushroom Castle; Toy, you’ve got the desert, Jemmy; you’ve got the snowy section; Wendy, you’ve got the water; Biggy, the jungle; Horton, the mountains; and… you with the crazy hair, you can guard the cloud entrance to our fiery lair.
Larry: That’s LARRY!
Roy: That’s ROY!
Lemmy: LEMMY!
Iggy: IGGY!
Morton: MORTON!
Ludwig: LUDWIG, KING DAD!
Wendy: Losers. So what’s the point of this, King Dad? Don’t you just want the princess?
Bowser: Right, here’s the plan. I bribed a chef to bake all of you inside the princess’ birthday cake-
Koopalings: WHAT?!
Bowser: You pop out, grab the princess, and get on the airship. We’ll fly back to the big castle and drop you kids off at your own castles. Those plumbers will chase, and you’ll get them.
Wendy: How exceedingly boring.
Iggy: WEEHEEHHAWHAWTEEHEEGRAWHAW!
Ludwig: Those fools cannot pierce our defenses.
Larry: Uh, yeah, I’ll stop them.
Lemmy: Heeheehee! Time to play!
Roy: Dose punks will sink!
Morton: Yeah, and-
Wendy: You don’t get to talk. Later, Junior.
Bowser: Are you kidding? He’s the main Koopaling now! You’ll all listen to him! He’s your superior through this entire plot!
Koopalings: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!
Jr: Come on, we fly!
Wendy: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Bowser: Turn it off!
A few days later...
Koopalings: Urrrrrrrrrrrgh...
Jr: Move it... Urgh...
Bowser: Move faster! Lift! Lift!
Wendy: THIS WOULD GO FASTER IF WE DIDN’T HAVE TO CARRY YOU, DADDY!
Bowser: Back to the drawing board. Kamek, get to building a new castle.
Kamek: Urgh...
Bowser: To your rooms, kids. Except you, Junior.
Morton: We-
Wendy: I said you don’t get to talk.
Lemmy: We don’t have rooms.
Bowser: What am I paying you kids for?!
Larry: You’re not PAYING us!
Bowser: Leave me be for another hour or so. I’ll think of another idea.
Koopalings: ...
Larry: AAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Morton: AA-
Wendy: NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Iggy: AIEEEHAWHAWARRRRRRRRRRGH!
Roy: GRAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Lemmy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Ludwig: *ahem* ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!
The Koopalings all tackle Bowser. Bowser Jr. and Kamek watch in silence.
Kamek: ... So who’s up for pizza?
Whoops! You're not logged in! |