Luigi: Hello, boys and girls! Today, I am going to teach how to build a computer!
Toad: What’s the point of teaching them how to build a computer if they most likely have one already?
Luigi: SHUT UP, TOAD! Anyway, if you’re broke like me and can’t afford one, building a computer is the perfect way to do what all the cool kids do!
Toad: What?! You can too afford one! Why, you just told me five minutes ago that you had 100,000 coins in the bank!
Luigi: Toad, enough with your lies. And even IF that was true, I wouldn’t be able to stand walking miles and miles to the nearest bank!
Toad: There’s one right behind you!
Luigi: No there isn’t!
Toad: Yes there is! Look.
He turns Luigi around. And, just as Toad said, there is a bank 10 steps behind him
Luigi: Toad, I think you’re seeing things again. Anyway, let’s get to work!
Luigi takes out a bag of scrap metal and wires.
Luigi: First, you need to put the metal together. All you need to do is weld it together. But remember, boys and girls, before you weld something, you should always wear a welding mask and heat resistant gloves! Now, Toad! Come hold the metal together while I weld it!
Toad: But I don’t have a welding mask or welding gloves!
Luigi: You’ll be fine, I'm a master at these things!
Toad closes his eyes and holds the metal together. Luigi begins welding but his hand slips and the torch burns a hole through Toad’s hand.
Toad: KYAAAAAAAAA! IT HURTS! IT HURTS! KYAAAAAA!
Luigi: Toad, stop overreacting! It’s just a minor burn!
Toad: You burnt a hole right through my hand! How is that minor?!
Luigi: You won’t die from it! Therefore it’s minor. I mean, it’s not like I did something like this!
Luigi burns a hole through Toad’s head. Toad dies instantly.
Luigi: ... It looks like I’ll need another Toad. Toad number 2, get in here!
Toad #2: What?
Luigi: I’m busy teaching people how to use a computer.
Toad #2: Then where’s the computer?
Luigi: I’m building it!
Toad #2: ... Oh God.
Luigi: Now, boys and girls, when you get all the metal together, you must set up wires. Just do what I do!
Luigi ties the wires up like a bow on a Christmas present.
Luigi: Now, when you get the wires connected, you must cut off all the loose ends to avoid injury. Toad #2! Go get me some hedge clippers!
Toad #2: Hedge clippers? Why in the world do you need to use HEDGE CLIPPERS when all you’re cutting is THIN WIRE?!
Luigi: Because hedge clippers are more exciting to use. Now go get them!
Toad #2 runs off and comes back with a pair of hedge clippers. However, he trips and lands on the sharp end.
Luigi: Poor Toad #2. He lived a good life. TOAD #3! GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE!
Toad #3 walks in.
Toad #3: What do you need THIS time?
Luigi: I need you to go get some glass.
Toad #3: Why?
Luigi: So we can put the screen on the computers, silly!
Toad #3 goes to get some glass.
Luigi: AND MAKE SURE IT’S BROKEN!
Toad #3: (at the top of his lungs) WHY?!
Luigi: BECAUSE BROKEN GLASS IS FUN GLASS!
Toad #3 shakes his head, then walks away. Toad #4 comes back with some glass.
Luigi: What happened to Toad #3?
Toad #4: He was eaten by Bowser.
Meanwhile at Bowser’s castle…
Bowser: Yum! That was a good Toad!
Back with Luigi…
Luigi: Oh well. I need you to put that glass on my computer!
Toad #4 looks at the “computer”, then sets the glass up next to it.
Luigi: Now, let’s turn it on!
Toad #4: How?
Luigi: Like this!
Luigi takes some wires that appear out of thin air and ties Toad #4 to the “computer”. He then takes two jumper cables, attaches them to the “computer”, and clips the ends on to Toad #4. The computer magically turns on while Toad screams.
Luigi: Yay! It worked! Anyway, that’s all the time we have for today. So long, boys and girls!
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