One day, Mario is ambling along when he stumbles upon something.
Mario: Oooh! Pretty snake!
Mario picks up a firehose.
Mario: Look, it's puckering up or something...
Mario gets doused by the hose and is dripping.
Firefighter Guy: Are you ok, sir? We were trying to put out the fire in that burning mansion you're standing next to.
Mario: Oh, I didn't notice that. No wonder it's kind of warm.
Firefighter Guy: Man, it's big! I don't know if we can handle it.
Mario: Well, I don't think- WOAH!
He trips, sending the hose flying as it sprays water in all directions. It puts out the fire.
Firefighter Guy: You did it, Mario! You have GOT to join our team and use your firefighting skills!
Mario: Ooh ooh! What team?!
Firefighter Guy: That's funny! Man, a sense of humor too.
And so Mario joins the firefighter squad. His first job is to put out a fire in a Toad's house.
Firefighter Guy: Come on, Mario, let's get on the truck.
Mario: Let’s-a go!
They arrive by a burning Toad's house. A young Toad is trapped upstairs, screaming for help.
Mario: Hey, anybody up for a nice philly cheesestake? Or maybe a taco?
Firefighter Guy: Mario! We have to save this Toad and his house from being roasted!
Mario: Did you say roast? As in roast chicken or pot roast?
Firefighter Koopa: Neither! He will be roasted alive!!!
Mario: I don't think that would taste good. Roast Toad and burnt house. Bleh... Ok, I'll give you one more try.
Firefighter Guy: MARIO!!!
Mario: No! We are not eating me for lunch! ... Dang, you are bad at this game, aren't you?
Toad: HAAAAAALPPP!!!
Firefighter Koopa: For the love of DAD, Mario, will you put out the fire?
Mario: ... That's what I was supposed to do? Geez, why didn't you just tell me?! ... By the way, do you have a name?
Firefighter Koopa: Frankie.
Mario: Nice to meet you, Frankie! I'm Mario. My name is sort of Italian-sounding, because believe it or not, I'm Ita-
Frankie: Put the fire out!!!
Mario: What fire?
The silly plumber accidentally falls on the hose and it turns on and starts spraying water like mad. Mario is waving the hose around and putting out the fire without even knowing it.
Mario: How do you turn this thing off?!
Frankie: We don't want to turn it off! Keep doing what you’re doing! You’re putting the fire out!
Mario: I am?!
Mario walks over to the burnt Toad.
Mario: Gee, I'm really sorry about soaking your house. I'll return it to the way I found it.
He pulls out a flamethrower.
Frankie, the Toad, and the Reader (you): NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
... Too late.
Mario: There! All- WOAH!
Mario trips... AGAIN, busting the flamethrower and putting the fire out... AGAIN!!!
Mario: Gee whillakers! I did it again! I'm so sorry, but I need some food.
Firefighters: Sorry Mario, but we have to put out another fire.
Mario: Can’t it wait ‘til tomorrow?
Frankie: NO!
Mario: You don't have to get all huffy...
So they travel to a Yoshi's house in an attempt to put the fire out.
Mario: Well, you know what they say… Fight fire with fire.
Frankie: You aren't really going to-
Mario pours gasoline all over the neighbor’s house and sets it on fire. Then he side-kicks the neighbor’s burning house into the Yoshi's burning house.
Mario: The fires are fighting!
Firefighters: *facepalm*
Fortunately, the Yoshi inside starts vomiting acid, extinguishing the fire.
Mario: ... I didn't know a Yoshi could do that... Maybe I should pay attention in anatomy class more.
Frankie: That’s it, Mario! This is the last straw! No more! You're FIRED!!!
Mario: Well I'm firing YOU first!
Frankie: ... I'm your boss.
Mario: Not anymore, because you're FIRED!
Frankie: But-
Mario: (holding a HUUUUUGE fireball) What was that?
Frankie: ... Ok, I'll get my stuff out.
(And so Mario continues serving as a fireman, thoroughly stinking at it but threatening the others into letting him still do it. Until one day...)
Firefighter Crewmen: That’s it, Mario! We're kicking you out! Impeaching you! Throwing your sorry, fat self, OUT the window!
Mario: Couldn’t you just use the door? Due to budget cuts we couldn't afford the window.
FCM: ...
They throw Mario out, unaware that he still has a flamethrower with him, which gets busted during his crash against the door, spreading gasoline everywhere.
Firefighter Guy: ... Aw, snap.
The fire station catches on fire.
FCM: MAAARIIOOO!!! HEEEELPP!!!
Mario: Wait... Didn't you just fire me?
FCM: Yes, but please help! We're burning up in here!
Mario: I think you owe me an apology first before I do something nice for you.
Firefighter Guy: We’re sorry, okay?! Get us out of here!
Mario: Will you make me your commander-in-chief?
FCM: Yes, yes! Please help!
Mario: All right, but let me get something to eat first.
Firefighter Guy: MARIO!
Mario: Fine fine, I'll pick you up something to eat too.
The roof caves in. Mario is already going to get some food, and everything seems to be going horribly, when another, skinnier plumber appears...
Luigi: Me?
No.
Wario: Me?
... You're not even thin.
Waluigi: Me?
NO! It's...
Dirk Drain-Head: DIRK DRAIN-HEAD!!!
Authors’ Note: By the way, this guy’s from the Mario comics, if you don’t know.
Dirk flies away and comes back with a hose, and puts out the fire. Just then, Mario comes back with food.
Mario: I'm back! Hey, why are you all wet and/or burned?
Firefighters: ...
They (and Dirk) beat Mario up.
Mario: OUCH! This is what I get for all I did?!
They beat him up harder, then send him flying off.
Dirk: Well at least he left the food behind.
They open the bags, only to find they're full of explosives coated with gasoline.
FCM: ...
BOOM!!!
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