One day the Koopalings are sitting around the castle, bored as always.
Lemmy: I'm bored.
Kamek is sitting across the room from them all.
Kamek: Stop complaining.
Kamek stares fixedly at the book he is reading. Just then, Bowser comes in the room.
Bowser: I'm going to go kill Mario.
Ludwig: That's what you said the last time.
Bowser: Yeah, but I'm determined this time.
Iggy: You also said that last time.
Larry: Why do you hate Mario so much, anyways?
Bowser: None of your business.
Bowser leaves the castle, slamming the door shut behind him.
Kamek: So, you want to know the story of how Bowser and Mario's rivalry began?
Kamek pokes his head up from his book. The Koopalings soon swarm around him.
Roy: You mean you know why Bowser hates Mario?
Kamek: You bet.
Morton: Tell us!
Wendy: Yes, please! I'm dieing to know.
Kamek: Very well.
Kamek puts on a different hat.
Kamek: Grab a snack; make yourselves comfortable, as this long, detailed story will explain just why Bowser hates Mario. Now, let's get started…
It all started way back in the day before you guys were born. Even before Bowser met Clawdia. Back then I was young and handsome, and I was helping Bowser out. Bowser had just begun the construction of this castle…
Kamek (of the past): This castle is coming along nicely.
Bowser: Get back to work, slacker!
Um, yeah, Bowser still was a hothead even back then. So, I got back to work.
Bowser: You know, haven't you wondered what lies beyond Dark Land?
Kamek: I don't wonder, as I know.
Bowser: Then what does, Mr. Smarty Pants?
Kamek: Legend has it there is a great treasure beyond here that will make anyone who seeks it out powerful beyond their imagination.
Bowser's eyes widen.
Bowser: Really?
Kamek: As certain as the sky is blue.
Bowser looks up.
Bowser: The sky is black, you moron!
Kamek: Well I'm still sure!
Bowser: You’d better be. I'm going to look for this treasure. You man the construction. By the time I return, I expect this castle to be finished!
Kamek: As you wish, Master.
Bowser: Good.
Bowser begins to walk away.
Kamek: Heh heh! Time to work on that forty-foot monument of me!
Bowser begins walking away from Dark Land.
Bowser: I'll be so powerful I can finally get that brain I've been wanting!
Bowser continues walking. On his way, he sees a cute-looking Koopa girl.
Koopa Girl: Hey there. My name is Clawdia!
Bowser pushed Clawdia to the ground.
Bowser: Out of my way woman!
Bowser continues walking, and is finally out of Dark Land. Bowser looks up at the sky.
Bowser: Woah, the sky really is blue.
Bowser looks around, and sees a town over some hills.
Bowser: Civilization! That must be where the treasure is!
Bowser runs (yes, he can indeed run) up the hill. Once at the top, he gets a clear view of the town. There are several homes and shops surrounding a very large castle.
Bowser: Castle! The treasure must be in there!
Bowser begins running down the hill. When he reaches the bottom, he sees a bunch of Toads.
Bowser: Are those Mushrooms?
Bowser walks over to the Toads.
Toad: Ahh! What in the world is that?! Monster! Run!
The Toads begin to run.
Bowser: I ain't a monster!
Bowser yells that so loud, fire comes out of his mouth and burns one of the shops.
Bowser: Whoops.
Bowser heads through the town center. Any Toad who sees Bowser instantly runs. When Bowser nears the castle, he sees a man dressed in red.
Man in Red: Look, a unicorn!
The man runs up and begins hugging Bowser.
Bowser: I ain't a stinking unicorn.
Man in Red: Oh, sorry there, miss.
Bowser: Miss? Who in the world are you?
Man in Red: It's-a me, Mario!
Bowser: Mario, huh? Well, I'm Bowser.
Mario: Hi Trouser.
Bowser: It's Bowser, with a B.
Mario: Like in the word fish?
Bowser: Are you all right?
Mario: Of course I'm not sick!
Bowser: … Yeah. Well, I came here looking for something. Could you help me?
Mario: Who are you? Are you Frankenstein?
Bowser: Bowser!
Mario: Where?
Bowser: Right in front of you.
Mario: Wait, so you're Bowser?
Bowser: Yes, yes I am.
Mario: Let's be friends!
Bowser: Sure.
Mario: Yay, I have friends! We can make mud cheese all day long!
Bowser: Whatever you say, but first, I came here looking for treasure. Do you know where it is?
Mario: *gasp* How did you know about the treasure here?
Bowser: There really is treasure?! I mean, of course, I knew it was here all along.
Mario: Wow, I didn't think anyone besides myself knew about it.
Bowser: So would you show me where it is?
Mario: Of course! Sharing is caring! Whatever that means.
Bowser: Excellent. Mwa huh huh!
Mario: Here, follow me to the land of treasure!
Bowser follows Mario, and they skip into the castle.
Bowser: I'd prefer not to skip.
Mario: Do it, just do it!
Bowser follows Mario as they skip into the castle together.
Mario: This is the castle. The treasure lies on the second floor.
Bowser: Why is it pink in here?
Mario: Um… It's not pink. It's blue with yellow stripes. Are you all right? Are you all there in the head?
Bowser: Yes… Are you?
Mario: Nope! Now come!
Mario and Bowser head up a flight of stairs, and go down a hallway a little bit until they come to a door. They enter.
Bowser: This is just an empty room. Where is the treasure?
Mario: In a secret door.
Mario looks around the room.
Mario: (whispering) Come.
Mario and Bowser walk across the room. Mario slides open the wall, and a little case appears. Mario opens it.
Mario: Are you ready to see the treasure?
Bowser nods.
Mario: Put your hands out, because you will be the first person to see…
Mario pauses.
Mario: -my two-month-old twig!
Mario places a tiny twig in Bowser's hands.
Mario: I call it Earl. Say hi to Earl.
Bowser whips the twig at Mario.
Bowser: THIS ISN'T TREASURE! YOU'RE A MORON!
Mario: Yup, and I'm proud of it!
Bowser: I'M SO MAD! RAWR!
Bowser breathes fire and burns down the wall. Another safe appears.
Bowser: What's that?
Mario opens it up. A shinning Star appears.
Mario: Some cheap Star that makes the holder the most powerful person in the world. It's nothing important.
Mario throws it down the garbage chute.
Bowser: No!
Bowser tries to dive after it, but he's too big to fit down the chute.
Bowser: You're looking pretty dead right now.
Mario: Really? Why thank you!
Bowser tackles Mario.
Mario: I didn't know we were playing football. Let's wrestle!
Mario and Bowser fight, until Mario pins Bowser.
Bowser: Pain!
Mario: Fun fun fun!
Bowser: Can we play something else?
Mario: Let's go downstairs to the castle.
Mario and Bowser walk downstairs. On their way, they see Peach. Bowser immediately stares at her.
Bowser: Woah, who's that good-looking babe?
Mario: Good-looking babe? All I see is Peach.
Bowser: Peach…
Bowser walks over to Peach.
Bowser: Hello, Peach.
Peach turns around to see Bowser.
Peach: MONSTER! RUN!
Peach begins to run away.
Bowser: I'm no monster! I'm Bowser. Come back, pretty!
Peach runs into a room and locks the door behind her.
Bowser: I… want her.
Bowser starts to cry.
Mario: Cheer up. I'll go introduce you to my brother Luigi. Come!
Bowser follows Mario out of the castle and into the courtyard, where Luigi is waiting for Mario.
Luigi: Mario, what have you been doing? I've been waiting here fore-
Luigi pauses when he sees Bowser.
Luigi: (whispering): Mario… There's a giant monster behind you.
Mario: No, that's just Bowser.
Luigi: Bowser?
Bowser: My name is Bowser! I'm Mario's best buddy!
Luigi: Anyone who's Mario's best buddy must be a moron. I hate you already.
Bowser: I think we'll be good friends!
Luigi: … I have a feeling this is going to be one dumb relationship.
Luigi walks away.
Mario: Eh, pay no mind to Luigi. He's always a stick in the mud. Hey, do you have any Toad action figures?
Bowser: Do you mean like these?
Bowser pulls out a bunch of Toad action figures?
Mario: Yes! I have them too! Want to play?
Bowser: Yes!
Mario and Bowser smile and laugh together, as they pull out their action figures.
Mario: This is Todd, the moronic Toad who loves cheese.
Bowser: That sounds awfully familiar. I just can't put my finger on it. Anyways, this is Tom, the equally moronic Toad with anger issues.
Mario: Ooh, sounds familiar as well.
Bowser goes to pull out Tom but can't find it.
Bowser: Huh, where's Tom?
Bowser searches frantically for Tom. He searches for about 5 minutes, but can't find him.
Bowser: I can't find Tom!
Mario: Oh well.
Bowser: Oh well? Is that all you can say? Did you take Tom?!
Mario: I think so.
Bowser: GIVE HIM BACK NOW!
Mario: Who are we talking about? I think I threw him away.
Bowser: NO!
Bowser yells so loud he causes an earthquake.
Bowser: HOW DARE YOU THROW AWAY TOM?
Mario: Who's that?
Bowser: Don't play dumb!
Mario: I'm not playing dumb; I AM dumb.
Bowser: Mark my words, Mario; I will KILL you for this!!!
Bowser runs away back to Dark Land. When Mario gets up, a little action figure appears.
Mario: Hey, isn't that Tom? Wasn't Bowser looking for him?
Mario stops to *gasp* think for a moment.
Mario: Nah, why would Bowser want this?
Mario eats Tom.
Mario: Plastic-y!
Kamek (of the present): And that, my Koopalings, is why Bowser hates Mario.
Larry: You mean it's all over an action figure?
Roy: How stupid.
Just then, Bowser walks in.
Ludwig: I can't believe you hate Mario all because you couldn't find your stupid action figure.
Bowser: Action figure? What in the world is th- Wait, Kamek, have you been telling that made up story again?!
Kamek: It's not made up, it-
Bowser: Mark my words, Kamek; I will KILL you for this!
Bowser runs out of the room yelling some words that are not suitable for print.
Lemmy: Boy, how ironic.
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