THE EVIL CLOWN, CLOWN, HAS-
Oh wait, wrong movie.
20 years ago...
You see a ten-year-old Mario with his parents, going to see a movie. Out of nowhere, a gang of Koopas come in and randomly hit Mario's parents with a Fire Flower. The head of the gang is Lemmy, only a twenty-year-old. Yep, Lemmy's older than Mario in this one. The gang kills Mario's parents.
Mario: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Oh darn it, wrong movie again!
Mario runs into an alley and finds bats. He shrieks with fear. A bat comes down and gives him a foot massage. Mario starts to love bats.
Present Day, Gothamushroom City, 10 PM
You see two robbers rushing out of a bank from the police. Then, a not-so-tall figure dressed in a red bat suit comes down and stops one by throwing a grenade at him. He knocks the other out.
Cop: Who are you?
Mario: I'm... Batman.
Cop: MAN, haven't you heard of copyright laws?
SHEESH! Sorry!
The screen rewinds.
Mario: I'm... Bat-Mario... Okay, that practically gives away my identity!
TOO BAD! Soon, Bat-Mario becomes famous, and Mario creates a company called Mario Enterprises. They make go-karts, golf clubs, baseball bats, boards, and a high-tech state of the art car for Mario during the night, called the Mariomobile. One night, Bat-Mario is chasing down a gang called The Aces. Their leader attempts to fire at Bat-Mario with a Fire Flower. However, he dodges it and tackles the leader. The leader seems familiar to him.
Bat-Mario: Wait... Aren't you... Lemm- Bob Saget?
Leader: No, you idiot, my name’s Lemmy.
Bat-Mario: Oh! That doesn't ring a bell.
Lemmy charges at Bat-Mario. He dodges, and Lemmy falls into an inconveniently placed vat of chemicals. Once everyone is gone, Lemmy emerges. It is too dark to see his face. He feels it, realizing how horrible his face must look. He goes to a surgeon, who operates on his face.
Surgeon: Done!
Lemmy: The mirror! The mirror!
Lemmy sees his face. His skin is chalk-white, his hair is green as grass-
Cameraman: Actually, grass becomes a light tan when burnt, so-
Fine! His hair is green as something that is really green, and his lips are red. But worst of all: he can't stop smiling.
Lemmy: HAHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHA!
He destroys literally everything in the room, except for himself. He runs out, laughing horribly. That day he dons a purple shell and plots his revenge on Bat-Mario and the city. He is no longer Lemmy: He is now Clown.
A-ONE DAY LATER!
You see Mario passing by a water cooler with Toad.
Mario: Morning Toad.
Toad: Morning Mario.
A-ONE NIGHT LATER!
You see Bat-Mario patrolling the skies. He sees a building blow up. But not just any building: THE CHEESE FACTORY! DUN DUN DUN!
Bat-Mario: OMG! I'm coming, cheese!
He lands at the burnt building. Clown is standing by a fallen billboard.
Clown: Evening, Bat-Mario.
Bat-Mario: You will PAY for this!
The two run toward each other. Right when Bat-Mario is about to punch Clown, he trips.
Clown: Idiot. Get over here, guys!
Koopas come and fight him.
Bat-Mario: Must... reach... utility belt!
He pushes a button on his belt. The Mariomobile runs over Clown's men.
Mariomobile: H4zT4 l4 V1zt4 B4by!
Bat-Mario: Deploy missiles!
Mariomobile: U g0t 1t d00d.
The amazing machine fires missiles at Clown, who jumps out of the way. A huge fire spreads. A helicopter comes and picks up Clown.
Clown: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
The helicopter flies away. Bat-Mario gets in the car and drives away. Later, Mario meets the newly elected mayor, Luigi. NOT his brother in this! Oh the hilarious age and family differences.
Luigi: I've heard much about your company. You make very unnecessary things.
Mario: Why thank you! Wait, what?
Luigi: Your company is so bad, Clown is not gonna tempt me and turn me evil when I catch fire.
Mario: What?
Luigi: Foreshadowing! Anyway, have a nice day!
That night, while watching the news...
Newscaster: Here we have with us, the recently incarcerated Clown! So Clown, anything to say?
Clown appears.
Clown: Yeah. You idiot policemen forgot to keep me in cuffs. So: if Mayor Luigi doesn't die within the next hour, I blow up... let's see... this building! After all, all the security guards are tied up. And the bomb is underneath the desk.
Newscaster: Aw, that stinks. This is Newscaster, and I'm about be dead. WAIT, WHAT?!
Mario immediately swaps into Bat-Mario and goes to get Clown, who has found Luigi.
Clown: Hello there, my friend!
Bat-Mario: Shut up. Let him go or else!
Clown: Or what?
Bat-Mario: I don't know, didn't think I would get this far. I'll... kill you?
Clown: Okay!
He pours acid on the right side of Luigi's body.
Luigi: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Clown: HAHAHHA!
A helicopter crashes through to get Clown.
Bat-Mario: Why?! WHY?! WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME?! You said you would catch fire, not get acid...-ed...-eded. That's hard to-
Luigi: I'M STINKIN' DYING HERE! HELP!
Bat-Mario: Oh yeah!
One dialing of 911 later…
You see Luigi in the hospital. Clown sneaks in through the window.
Clown: You know, I didn't mean to do that. I meant to pour it on Bat-Mario. So will you become evil too, even though you will probably die at the end?
Luigi: Nice foreshadowing! Okay!
Luigi breaks out and wears a mask on the other half of his body. On one half he is Luig, on the other is Mr. L.
Luigi: This day forth I am... TWO-STACHE!
DUN DUN DUN! Oh yeah, and he resigns from being mayor.
One night later...
Toad: Mario! Clown's identity has been revealed! His name is Lemmy Koopa!
Mario: Wait... He's the one who killed my parents. But... he fell in a vat of acid. GASP! OMG! EGADD!
E. Gadd: Yeah?
Mario: Quiet you!
He becomes Bat-Mario and glides so he can find Clown. He finds him at a construction site with Two-Stache.
Bat-Mario: Luigi... Is that you?
Two-Stache: Yeah, pretty much!
The two fight Bat-Mario. He retaliates with bat-grenades. Clown is sent off the edge of the building, but grabs the ledge.
Clown: You don't have the courage to kill me. Do you? Go ahead. It will just show that you and me are alike.
Two-Stache: I'll help you, boss!
He jumps to get him, but falls off. He grabs onto Clown.
Clown: What the?! Are you an idiot?
Bat-Mario: Do you remember a boy twenty years ago? You killed his parents! REMEMBER?!
Clown: No.
Bat-Mario: Oh. Well, it has been a while. Die, you jerk!
He stomps on Clown's hand, and the two villains plunge to their death. HAHA! Suckers. Two-Stache grabs onto the next floor.
Two-Stache: Before you kill me... I must tell you something. I AM YOUR BROTHER! Oh darn, wrong movie AGAIN! Bye!
He falls off. The city is safe... For now... I think... I don't really know... Bye...
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