Lemmy: It's time for everyone's favorite show-
Larry: (singing): Are You Smarter Than a Koo-pa?!
The audience claps.
Lemmy: It's time to play Are You Smarter Than a Koopa. I'm your host, Lemmy Koopa, although since I'm so awesome you all probably knew that.
Larry: No.
Lemmy: Well let's just meet our five Koopas that will help the contestants with the questions. Little boy, what's your name?
Roy: I ain't little!
Lemmy: Sorry, I mean, big Koopa, introduce yourself to the audience.
Roy: My name is Roy Koopa, and I hate learning.
Lemmy: This is our next Koopa.
Kamek: What's up? My name is Kamek, and I'm by far the smartest Koopa here!
Ludwig: I'm more smart than you!
Kamek: It's smarter, idiot.
Lemmy: You're not even part of this show; get back in the audience, Ludwig!
Ludwig: Grr.
Lemmy: Moving on, here's our next Koopa!
Koopa: Umm... I really don't have a name, I just go by Koopa, and there's no difference between me and the average Koopa Troopa.
Lemmy: Here's our next Koopa!
Iggy: Hi, my name is Iggy Koopa, and I love learning and love this show.
Lemmy: Sucking up won't get you a raise.
Iggy: Darn it!
Lemmy: Finally, let's meet our last Koopa!
Kylie Koopa: Hiya, I'm Kylie Koopa, ace reported for The Koopa Chronicles, here!
Lemmy: Well, we now know our five Koopas, now here's the first contestant; it’s the lean green Luigi!
Luigi walks onto the stage. Someone in the audience throws a tomato at him.
Luigi: Ah! Wo threw that?!
Lemmy: Calm down, Luigi, the audience just hates you.
Luigi: Well I hate them.
Lemmy: Well they hate you.
Luigi: I'm too cool for them.
Audience: Boo!
Boo: Yes?
Lemmy: Not you!
Luigi: So, let's start this!
Lemmy: All right Luigi, the categories are History, Geography, Sports, Magic, Literature, Science, Math, Government, Art, and Grab Bag. Luigi, first choose a Koopa to come up here.
Luigi: They're all stupid, but I'll choose Kamek because he is the smartest.
Kamek: Exactly.
Lemmy: Ok Luigi. You have one Peek, where you can look at their answer, and one Copy, where you have to put down whatever they put down.
Luigi: What happened to the Save?
Lemmy: We got rid of it because it was stupid.
Luigi: No fair!
Lemmy: Life ain't fair, bub, now pick a category!
Luigi: I'll choose Literature.
Lemmy: All right. What is the number one Scribble in Lemmy's Land?
Luigi: Hmm... I think its Mario Goes to Kindergarten.
Kamek: Wrong!
Lemmy: That is correct!
Kamek: Impossible, it's clearly Lemmy's Awesome Race!
Lemmy: That's a Fun Fiction, you idiot.
Kamek: Oh.
Lemmy: Luigi, pick your next category.
Luigi: I'll take Magic.
Lemmy: What is Kamek's main form of magic?
Kamek: I'm Kamek!
Lemmy: No, really?
Luigi: Is it making minions bigger?
Kamek: No!
Lemmy: How can you not know your own magic? Luigi's right!
Kamek: Unbelievable, you lied!
Lemmy: Too bad, now sit on down and pick a new Koopa, Luigi.
Luigi: Get up here, Kylie.
Kylie: Yeah, my turn!
Luigi: I'll take Geography.
Lemmy: What valley must you cross to reach Little Fungi Town?
Luigi: Hmm... I'm pretty sure it's TeeHee Valley.
Lemmy: Correct!
Kylie: Way to go!
Lemmy: Choose your next category!
Luigi: Give me History.
Lemmy: Who was the Battle of the Great Tree fought between?
Luigi: Uh... uh... This is one tough question.
Lemmy: Would you like to Peek?
Luigi: Sure.
Lemmy: Kylie, tell us your answer.
Kylie: It was fought between the Punies and the Jabbies.
Lemmy: Would you like to use that answer?
Luigi: Yes.
Lemmy: And you are absolutely correct!
Luigi: Thanks Kylie!
Kylie: No problem!
Lemmy: All right Luigi, choose your next Koopa.
Luigi: I'll take Koopa!
Koopa: Yay, I'm not the last one picked for once!
Lemmy: Pick your category, Luigi.
Luigi: I'll take Government.
Lemmy: All right, the question is, in the Beanbean hierarchy, who is at the top?
Luigi: That's easy, Queen Bean!
Lemmy: You are absolutely correct! Choose your next category now!
Luigi: What if I want to wait?
Lemmy: There is no waiting in this game. We have to get two more contestants in before the end of the show is up, so pick now or die!
Luigi: Fine, I pick Art.
Lemmy: Who was the artist who made the first ever Lemmy's Captions drawing?
Luigi: I believe it was Atticus.
Lemmy: I believe you are right!
Luigi: Oh yeah, I've almost won.
Lemmy: Choose your next Koopa.
Koopa: But I hardly got to speak.
Lemmy: It's because you're just a normal Koopa, no one cares about your opinion.
Koopa: Bully!
Roy: I'm a bully!
Iggy: We all know that.
Roy: That's right, you better!
Luigi: Get up here, Iggy; I need you for the hard categories.
Iggy: Ha, last Roy!
Roy: Do you want me to kill you?
Iggy: Please no!
Lemmy: Continuing with the game, Luigi, pick your category.
Luigi: Math!
Lemmy: If Roy beats up Iggy 71 times on Monday, 10 on Tuesday, and 419 on Wednesday, how many times in those three days has Roy beaten up Iggy?
Iggy: This question makes me sad.
Roy: Ah, I remember the day I beat up Iggy 419 times. That was a great day.
Luigi: On those three days, Roy beat up Iggy 501 times.
Lemmy: Correct, and I don't even have to use the answer cards to know that's right, because I got to see every one of those times! Choose your next category, Luigi.
Luigi: Science!
Lemmy: Who was the inventor who created Stuffwell?
Iggy: This is easy.
Luigi: Hey, shut up Iggy! It's Professor E. Gadd.
Lemmy: Ouch, sorry Luigi, but that is absolutely... correct!
Luigi: I got this one won!
Lemmy: Well, now it's Roy's turn.
Luigi: What?! I do not want Roy up here! He's dumber than Mario!
Roy: Shut up!
Lemmy: Sorry Luigi, rules are rules. Roy's up here now, so pick a category.
Luigi: I guess I'll take Sports.
Lemmy: Who won Season 6 at Roy's Sports Hall?
Luigi: Oh crud, I don't know this.
Lemmy: Remember, you can always Copy off Roy.
Roy: No, I ain't allowing him to cheat off my paper!
Lemmy: Rules are rules, Roy.
Roy: Yeah, well I break rules.
Lemmy: Well this is my show, so I enforce them! So Luigi, are you going to use your Copy?
Luigi: and#%and$^*, no way I'm copying of Roy. I'm going to say that Season 6 was won by Gloomtail.
Lemmy: Wrong, the correct answer was Larry!
Roy: Hey, I got it right!
Lemmy: Yeah, that season Gloomtail lost to Iggy.
Luigi: How does a giant dragon like Gloomtail loose to a scrawny wimp like Iggy?
Roy: You know, I wonder that too.
Iggy: Same here!
Lemmy: Sorry Luigi, but you lose!
Audience: Ha ha!
Luigi: I will kill you all!
Lemmy: Luigi's threatening the audience! Security!
Luigi: What?! No, I'm not!
Sledge Bro: I make dust out of you!
The Sledge Bro throws Luigi out of the studio.
Lemmy: Now, put your hands together and bow down to the one and only Bowser, King Koopa!
Bowser: That's right, bow down to me or else!
Roy: You can't make me!
Bowser: I'll send you to the dungeon if you don't!
Roy drops to his knees and starts bowing to Bowser.
Bowser: Now, I demand all of you sing the Bowser Is Awesome song. That means you, Lemmy.
Lemmy: Aw.
Bowser: Now sing!
Everyone: (singing) Bowser is so awesome, I want to be like Bowser, we all bow down to Bowser. Bowser, Bowser, Bowser is awesome!
Lemmy: You need better lyrics.
Bowser: Too bad! Now that all that's done, we can start now.
Lemmy: All right, so Bowser, so do you think you're smarter than a Koopa?
Bowser: I am a Koopa!
Lemmy: Oh... Well, guess we can't have you here. Sorry about that, Bowser, but we must let you go.
Bowser: What the? I spent hours studying this stuff and then you deny me?!
Bowser breathes fire on Lemmy.
Bowser: That will teach you.
Lemmy: Ouch! Someone put out the fire!
Larry: Hold on!
Larry grabs the hose and sprays Lemmy with it.
Lemmy: Thanks. Now, please give a warm welcome for out final contestant, it's Daisy.
The audience claps.
Daisy: Thanks you all. It's a pleasure to be here, but it's not a pleasure that you all are staring at me, so stop!
Lemmy: Sorry, they can do whatever they want, and be glad; I think we finally got the audience's attention.
Daisy: This is stupid!
Lemmy: Well, moving on, Daisy, are you smarter than a Koopa?
Daisy: Well duh!
Lemmy: Hey, we Koopas are pretty darn smart. Now call up your first Koopa.
Daisy: I chosoe Kylie, because this show is so biased, with there being only one female Koopa.
Kylie: I know, it's so biased.
Lemmy: Well too bad, the majority of Koopas are males.
Daisy: Well you could have got at least one more female.
Lemmy: We could have... but we didn't. Now pick your first category, Daisy.
Daisy: I'll take Art.
Lemmy: Who is the artist who drew the picture called "The Koopalings Greatest Plan"?
Daisy: Easy, that's Celestial.
Lemmy: And that is correct. Choose your next category please.
Daisy: Since I'm so nice-
Lemmy: *cough cough*
Daisy: Like I was saying, what category do you want, Kylie?
Kylie: Let's try Science!
Lemmy: Who was the inventor of FLUDD?
Daisy: E. Gadd.
Lemmy: Correct!
Ludwig: Why are all the science questions about E. Gadd?
E. Gadd: Because I'm awesome!
Lemmy: And you're the only scientist on Plit.
E. Gadd: And that too.
Lemmy: Daisy, please choose your next Koopa.
Daisy: Iggy!
Iggy: Oh my, this is a record; I've never been picked this early!
Lemmy: Don't get used to it. Now chose your next category.
Daisy: I'll take Math.
Lemmy: What is the square route of 887,364?
Iggy: Aw, sorry Daisy, I think we lost, there's no way we can solve this.
Daisy: Maybe you can't, but I can. It's 942.
Lemmy: Oh my, you're the first person ever to get that one right.
Iggy: Wow, pretty and smart.
Daisy: That's right. Wait, what was that first part?
Iggy: Uh...
Lemmy: Carry on, Daisy.
Daisy: I'll take Magic.
Lemmy: What is Kammy's main form of magic?
Daisy: Make blocks.
Lemmy: Correct! Daisy, choose the next Koopa.
Daisy: I'll take Koopa.
Koopa; Hooray, not last!
Roy: You know, I'm starting to wonder why I'm always picked last.
Lemmy; Hmm, could it be you're unintelligent?
Roy: Maybe, but I doubt it.
Lemmy: Daisy, choose the next category.
Daisy: I'll take Literature.
Lemmy: Who wrote the GBT series?
Daisy: Chef Torte. I mean, everyone knows that.
Lemmy: Correct, next category.
Daisy: History!
Lemmy: Who was the original owner of the Glitz Pit?
Daisy: Grubba!
Lemmy: Wow, you're good. Now choose a new Koopa.
Koopa: You know, I didn't get to say anything this time either.
Lemmy: Life ain't fair, bub! New Koopa, now!
Daisy: Kamek!
Kamek: Yeah!
Lemmy: Category please!
Daisy: How about Government?
Lemmy: Who is the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom?
Daisy: (In an angry tone) Peach...
Daisy takes a soap carving of Peach out of her pocket and crushes it.
Daisy: I hate you, Peach.
Lemmy: Daisy, choose your next category.
Daisy: How about-
Kamek: Geography!
Daisy: I did not give you permission to speak!
Kamek: Sorry.
Lemmy: What place lies on the Beanbean side of the Mushroom border?
Daisy: This is too easy, Stardust Fields.
Lemmy: Correct, and Daisy is down to her last Koopa. Come on up, Roy!
Daisy: Oh great...
Roy: Wow, last again. This is just great. I swear, one of these days-
Lemmy: We do not approve of threats here. Daisy, pick your next category.
Daisy: Sports!
Roy: That's my specialty!
Lemmy: Who was the first battle ever at Roy's Sports Hall fought between?
Daisy: Roy and Goomba.
Lemmy: Correct!
Roy: I remember that, I destroyed Goomba!
Lemmy: Well, Daisy is down to her last question. If she can answer this one right she wins a million coins. The category is Grab Bag, which in case you don't know, is a question that can be from any category. Are you ready, Daisy?
Daisy: Yes!
Lemmy: All right. The question is-
DING! DING!
Lemmy: And that's all the time we have. Sorry Daisy.
Daisy; You’ve got to be kidding me!
Lemmy: Nope. This is why I told everyone to move quickly, we only got a certain amount of time. Sorry Daisy, but you are not smarter than a Koopa.
Daisy: Grr!
Lemmy: Well, that's all the time we have today. See you all next time on-
Larry: (singing) Are You Smarter Than a Koo-pa?
Daisy: I am, honestly!
Lemmy: Sure you are. Hehe, no one is smarter than us Koopas!
Daisy: I am, I would have won, but no, we ran out of time.
Lemmy: Well if you were smarter than a Koopa you would have been aware of the time limit. See you all next time on-
Larry: (singing) Are You Smarter Than a Koo-pa?
Special Thanks to Phantos67 for drawing the picture at the top
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