One day in the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario had received an invitation, casually inviting him to Peach's Castle. Not realizing how idiotic Mario is, she invites him anyway. Mario dashes at sonic speed and tramples everyone in his path (i.e, Toad, Bowser, an old lady, Luigi, Wario, an innocent Shy Guy, and a baby).
Mario: Wee!
Bowser: My... pancreas... Ugh...
Mario runs to the front gate and kicks the door down. Peach greets him at the door.
Peach: *sigh* Hi, Mario.
Mario: !olleH
Peach: ... WHAT?
Mario: !!!ESEEHC
Peach: What are you SAYING?!
Mario: FOOD!
Peach: What? Oh, yeah. The food. TOAD!!!
Toad runs in with an electric collar on.
Toad: Yes, Princess?
Peach: Where's the grub?
Toad: It's in the kitchen!
Toad yells too loud and the collar introduces him to 9,000 volts.
Toad: YAKATATATATATATATATAARRGH!!!
Peach: You should have never snooped around in my room! Otherwise that collar wouldn't have even come into the conversation!
Toad: I'm sorry...
Peach: Oh, and Mario... DO NOT SNOOP AROUND IN MY ROOM!!! Or else you'll end up like Toad.
Mario: Okey dokey.
After they finish their quite remarkable feast, they are ready for dessert. However, as the dish of scrumptious chocolate pudding comes into sight, Mario's bowel rumbles.
Mario: PEACH!!!
Peach: WHAT?!
Mario: (in a really quiet voice) I need to potty.
Peach: Okay, the room is up the stairs and on the right.
Mario runs up and goes to the bathroom. However, as he exits, he sees Peach's bedroom door ajar. Curious, he heads toward it. He enters, and leaves it ajar. Big mistake. He walks in and witnesses Waluigi, Wario, and Bowser tied up in a chair. Across from them is an eight-foot wide grid of motion-detecting lasers. Behind it lies a giant stairway leading to a pillar. Atop it, lays Peach's diary.
Bowser: Oh, look who decided to drop in.
Wario: Mario! You gotta spring us!
Waluigi: Untie us! I'm scared!
Mario: Wee!
Mario knots the rope even tighter.
Bowser: Grr!
Waluigi: Can't... breathe!
Waluigi passes out.
Wario: 'Bout time.
Bowser: Look, Mario. I know you’re idiotic and do the exact opposite of what we tell you...
Mario is picking his nose.
Bowser: But whatever you do, do NOT use your aerobic skills to maneuver across the laser grid! And please, PLEASE, DO NOT FLIP THE SWITCH ON THE OTHER SIDE TO SHUT DOWN THE LASER GRID! AND, PLEASE, DON'T COME BACK AND UNTIE US SO WE CAN READ PEACH'S DIARY!
Mario: Wee!
Mario slips on a black overcoat and sunglasses (Keanu Reeves much?) and slides underneath all the lasers. He then flips the switch and unties Wario, Bowser, and the unconscious Waluigi.
Wario: Reverse psychology.
Bowser: Yup.
Mario runs up the stairway, which seems endless, like in Super Mario 64.
Mario: Wee!!
Bowser: Oh, would you look at this.
Bowser is standing next to a security number punch-in thingy. He types in "PEACH" and the endlessness stops, causing Mario to rocket into a button labeled "Press This If You Want Peach To Know That Whoever Is In Here Is Trying To Steal Her Diary." Meanwhile, downstairs...
ENK! ENK! ENK! ENK! ENK!
Peach: z0mG sUm1 is 7ryin 2 stEeL ma DIARY!!11one
Toad: Never talk l33t ever again.
Peach: DO NOT QUESTION ME!!!
Peach re-introduces him to 9,000 volts.
Toad: YATATATATATATATARGGH!!!
Upstairs...
Wario: Moron!
Bowser: Stupid moron!
Mario: Stupid moron covered in cheesy pickles!
Peach: (coming up the stairs) WHO'S IN MY ROOM?!
Bowser: Uh, no one!
Peach: (going back down) Okay... WAIT!
She immediately runs back up.
Mario: Game over!
Bowser: Quick! Lock the door!
Wario: There's no lock!
Bowser: Then nail it shut!
Wario: There's not a Home Depot remotely even CLOSE to here!
Bowser: ... Then move heavy stuff in front of the door!
And so they pick up the dresser, the computer desk, the love seat, and the bookcase and push them in front of the door.
Meanwhile, Peach is still patrolling the hallways.
Peach: There's someone in my room... And when I find them, I'm gonna mess them up SO BAD, they're gonna make Picasso freak out!
That was a good one.
Peach: I've got pages of these, I could go on and on.
In Peach's room...
Bowser: She's gonna be up here in a few minutes! Well, at least we have the door covered.
BANG BANG BANG!
Peach: OPEN UP!!!
Bowser: I stand corrected. Make that seconds.
Wario: We're gonna die, aren't we?
Bowser: Oh yeah.
Peach's fist breaks through the door and punches Wario in the face.
Wario: OW! My nose!
Peach then rips the door from its hinges and throws it over her shoulder.
Mario: Mamamia!
Bowser: Um... I'm a bit confused.
Wario: You don't say. Peach has been that strong all this time and never even put up a fight all those times she got kidnapped.
Bowser: No, I'm a bit confused about the author just forgetting about Waluigi.
Oh! Sorry, Waluigi wakes up.
Waluigi: AHH!!! EVIL PEACH ROBOT!
Bowser: What?
Wario: Ack!
Peach's head is twisting around and around as she steps toward them with her arms reaching outward.
Peach: (in a computerized voice) DESTROY! DESTROY!
Wario: Sarah Connor?
Mario runs up to it and kicks its head off. It then explodes.
Mario: Yay for me!
Bowser: It was a droid!
Wario: What?
Bowser: I forgot to tell you about the droids! They're everywhere. They're Peach's mechanized clones.
Wario: And how does she have them?
Bowser: No idea.
Waluigi: Hurry! Up to the pillar before another scary robot comes!
They all run up to the pillar and grab it. But as they try to lift it, it lowers into the floor. A trapdoor opens in the ceiling, and a giant boulder crashes down.
Everyone: RUN!!!
And so they all pull an Indiana Jones and get the @#$% outta there. Once they have hidden a fairly safe distance away from the boulder, they open Peach’s diary...
Wario: WHAT THE? All the pages are empty! It's a phony!
With Peach...
Peach: Ha! I knew Mario would find my little decoy, I have my real one hidden away in a safe under my mattress.
Toad: All old people hide everything under their mattress.
Peach: OLD?! I'LL SHOW YOU OLD!!!
Toad: YATATATATATARGH!!!
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