Mario: I win!

Luigi: What did you win?

Mario: I win!

Luigi: I know, but what did you win?

Mario: I win!

Luigi grabs the card from Mario.

Mario: No!

Luigi: ... You got a drivers license?

Mario: Yes I did! Yes I did!

Luigi: Wow. Seeing as we have to go pick up some people for the party, want to drive?

Mario: Yahoo for me!

Mario gets into the car, and Luigi hops in the back.

Luigi: Since when did the back get this small?

Mario: I-a do not a know.

Luigi: We'd better get moving; let's go get Peach, Toad, and The King.

Mario floors the car down the road.

Luigi: Mario, how fast are we going?

Mario: Fast.

Luigi: No, I mean how many MPH?

Mario: A lot.

Luigi: Give me a number.

Mario: Hmm, I could give you eight, I could give you twelve, so many choices.

Luigi: Let me see.

Mario: Hey, no-a standing in the-a vehicle!

Luigi: You're going ninety! The speed limit is seventy!

Mario: Here we are!

Toad: Mario, Luigi, you're two @$%@$*&% minutes late!

Luigi: Sorry.

Peach: Woah, why are you in the back?

Luigi: Mario's driving.

Peach: Toad, do I have life insurance?

Toad: @%^$^$@, I'm not getting into that @*%^$%%@ death trap!

The King: We will go!

The King pushes the two into the back.

Peach: Ew, yuck! There are only two seats, and the open one has a hair on it. Toad, be a cushion.

Toad: $^@*$%@%$*&!

Peach ties Toad to the seat.

Peach: Ah, much better.

The King: I will sit in the trunk!

Luigi: We don't have a trunk.

The King: Then push in, because here I come!

Luigi: Uh, I think I'm claustrophobic.

Peach: What does that mean, Toad?

Toad: It means he's scared of Santa Clause.

Peach: Ho ho ho!

Toad: Stop! You're scaring him!

Luigi: That's not what it means!

The King: Nice try, but there's no such thing as Santa!

Mario: There's not?! Boohooo!

Mario floors the car again.

Toad: Which $@%@%*&^@ loser do we have to pick up next?

Peach: Hello? I'm calling to ask if my life insurance is in effect, because I have a feeling I may break a few bones today.

The King: So who do we have to pick up next?

Luigi: Next we have to pick up Yoshi.

Mario: The who da what a?

Luigi: Hey, there's Yoshi, stop!

Mario slams on the brakes.

Yoshi: Luigi, why Mario drive? He is es stupido.

Peach: That's what I said. Climb into the back.

Luigi: No, there's no room back here.

Yoshi: Don't worry, Yoshi get rid of that humongous mint under Peach.

Yoshi tries to eat Toad.

Toad: Hey buddy, I'm not a $@$%&%@&$ mint!

Yoshi: Yoshi sorry.

Luigi: You still can't fit.

Yoshi: Yoshi coming through!

Yoshi squeezes between Luigi and The King, pushing Luigi against the window.

Luigi: Hey! I can't breathe!

Toad: Mario, open the %^#*^%*@% window!

Mario: Ok, boss.

Mario's window opens, while the ones in the back don't.

Peach: Oh no, we are all going to die!

Mario: Let's-a go!

Mario drives on.

Yoshi: Where we go next?

The King: To the golf course!

Luigi: No, now we go to the party.

Peach: Luigi, east or west?

Luigi: The east is taking over; I mean there's parity in the NBA right now! You look at Boston, Chicago, Detroit, the New York Knicks! I mean, the west is good, but you've got to pay attention to the east now.

Toad: He means tell Mario the @*#^$%@*$% exit to take, the east exit or the west exit.

Peach: Hey, I'm not a he!

Luigi: Oh, take the east one, Mario.

Mario goes west.

Toad: Mario, you @$^@%**$ moron!

Peach: I knew I should have called Bowser to kidnap me today.

The King: I'm wasting valuable golf time!

Luigi: Hey, my window is opening! Thank you, Santa Clause!

Toad: I thought you were claustrophobic.

Luigi: No, it means I don't like being in small places.

Yoshi: Like Yoshi's stomach?

Luigi: Yes. Why? Were you going to eat me?

Yoshi: Yoshi stay silent.

Mario: Eeeep!

Mario slams the brakes.

Toad: Oh no, we're stuck in traffic... on a bridge! A big, high, scary bridge!

Luigi: You're scared of heights?

Toad: Yeah.

The King: Look!

Yoshi: Yoshi see a shady figure.

Wario reaches into the car in front of Mario's window.

Wario: Give us all your money or I'll light this Bob-omb in your car.

Waluigi: Bob-ombs? Ahhhh!

Bombette: Hey, I am a bomb!

Wario lights Bombette and grabs the cash.

BOOM!

Waluigi: Ahhhh! That was the loudest sound ever!

Wario: Heh-heh, this is like the ATM!

Waluigi: Everyone knows the letters A T and M are the scariest ones!

Wario: They symbolize cash!

Waluigi: I hate cash!

Wario: You fiend, how could you hate cash?!

Waluigi: It's scary.

Wario: You know you're holding a huge bag of cash.

Waluigi: AHHHHH!

Waluigi throws the cash bag off the bridge and into the water.

Wario: NO! I'll save you, baby!

Wario tries to dive off the bridge, but can't fit through the bars.

Wario: You jump, Waluigi, you're skinnier and it was your fault.

Waluigi: No, there are sharks in there!

Wario: That's just a rumor.

Just then, a shark jumps up and bites off Wario's hat.

Wario: I stand corrected; let's just steal a lot of coins from this car.

Wario points to Mario's car.

Toad: Mario, roll up the %^#*&%^@@ windows!

Mario: Ok, boss.

Only Mario's window goes up.

Luigi: No! It won't shut!

Yoshi: Yoshi think this bad.

The King: No, really.

Wario: Arr har har, give us all your money!

Waluigi: I'd prefer you not to.

Wario trips into the car.

Everyone: Err, there's no room!

Waluigi: Ahh! Wario's in the scary car!

Wario: I guess we're going for a ride, get in.

Waluigi: No, I'm claustrophobic!

Toad: Wow, why do you @*$^@%$ losers believe in a @$^@$%&*%^ fat ^$&#$ who gives toys to #&*(^%# kids?

Waluigi: I'm scared of swears!

Wario drags Waluigi into the car.

Mario: Let's-a go!

Mario drives on.

Luigi: I can't breathe!

Waluigi: Why would you want to? Breathing is scary!

Toad: Ok, I know you're a $^#*%#*^ scaredy cat, but why would you be scared of breathing? I mean, you need to breathe to live!

Waluigi: I might swallow a @#^*$&#%$ bug!

Everyone silently looks at Waluigi.

Waluigi AHHHH! I JUST SWORE! AHHH!

The King: I guess Toad is having a little bit of an influence on all of us all.

Toad: I am not!

Yoshi: Yoshi think so.

Toad: @$*&^@$^!

Peach: Toad, Wario's stealing your money!

Wario: Oh come on, you're not supposed to tell him.

Toad: $(@^&*!$%(!^^#$!&^$!^%$&*!%$&*!%$^*!%$^!%$(!*&^$&!$%!%$*&!$^%*&^!%(%!*^%$!^*&%$*!%$*&!$%^*!$%^*$%!*%$%!^@^@!

Waluigi: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Yoshi: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

Wario: MMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Peach: MMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOO YYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRROOOOOOOONNNN!

The King: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

Mario: CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEE!

Luigi: GET ME OUT OF THIS CAR OF PURE DOOM!

Peach: Ok, let's calm down.

Yoshi: Yoshi agree.

The King: Hey everyone, look!

Waluigi: I don't want to!

Toad: Yes, the party! We're almost there!

Wario: Good, I can rob people there.

Luigi: Well I have to admit, Mario did pretty good driving.

Mario: Eeeehhhh!

The car slides off the road.

The King: We're heading for the cliff!

Waluigi: Ahhhh!

Peach: No! Curse you, Bowser... for not kidnapping me today!

Toad: #$^*#@!

Wario: Wahhh!

Yoshi: Yoshi think this is the end!

Luigi: I knew I shouldn't have let Mario drive!

BOOM!...

The eight fools are lying in a hospital room.

Luigi: Ohh, I knew it was a bad idea letting Mario drive. I'm never letting you drive again.

Mario: Nooo!

Nurse: Excuse me, you in green, are you the red man's keeper?

Luigi: Yes, yes I am.

Nurse: Here's the bill for the car wreck.

Luigi: ... Six billion coins! Mario couldn't have caused that much damage!

Nurse: The accident only was worth about one billion coins, the fact that Mario was illegally driving without a license counted for about five billion.

Luigi: But Mario showed me his license!

Nurse: You mean this?

The nurse holds out a piece of paper. It has the heading "dryers lycens", and below it reads "Mario Mario, ayge 2 squillion and a half".

Luigi: You mean it was a fake?!

Mario: I-a made it at a school.